When Good Girls Like Bad Boys

By Susie Davis

At sixteen I made up my minds. I just had to have a date with Jeff. He was gorgeous…and dangerous. I knew Jeff had a “bad boy” reputation. And I knew all the negative stuff I heard about him was likely true, but I had an obsession with getting a date with him. In my teenage mind he was just unbelievable. As a sophomore, he was quarterback of the varsity football team. He was also sought after by tons of girls at our high school. He was great to look at and as charming as ever. Forget the fact that I was a Christian girl trying to hold on to a good reputation. Forget the fact that my friends warned me that Jeff was not my type. Forget the fact that my youth minister always warned me, “Never date a guy you wouldn’t marry.” I wanted to go out with Jeff.

It took months before I got exactly what I wanted – a date with Jeff. He finally asked me out, and I have to tell you – it was one of the worst dates of my life. He was after one thing that I wasn’t willing to give, so it made the evening rather uncomfortable. Let’s just put it this way – he brought me home from the date early. Real early.

So I have a question for you that has been nagging me for years. Why are “good girls” attracted to “bad boys”? Is it the challenge? Is it about hoping to “fix” them? Is it about popularity? How can you explain the magnetic pull, the endless attraction that good girls have for bad boys? While we could debate the reasoning endlessly in an attempt to explain, one thing is sure: it is a dangerous idea to date a “bad boy.”

Why? Because it is dangerous to entrust yourself to a guy that you know does not value what you value. For example, let’s say you’re a virgin, and that is a value in your life based on the guidelines God has about sex outside of marriage. (The Bible says there shouldn’t be any sex outside of marriage.) If your bad boy is sexually active and everyone knows it, don’t fool yourself into thinking you are going to save him and redirect his values about sexual activity. If you date a loose guy, you might just end up losing everything you have worked so hard to save.

If you don’t party buy your bad boy drinks and does drugs, don’t fool yourself into thinking you are going to be the one to pull him out of that dark hole. Besides, there are programs for people with problems like that.

If popularity is you thing and if you are hoping you will get some attention from dating guys like that, well, I have some news. You will. You’ll get lots of attention from other guys just like the bad boy you are choosing to date.

So while I don’t know all the reasons nice girls are attracted to not-so-nice guys, I can promise a ton of heartache for girls who insist on going out with bad boys.

First Corinthians 15:33 has a promise that is very clear. “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’”

If you make the choice to date and hang out with “bad company,” then you can count on that corrupting your morals. Date a guy without high moral standards, and you could find yourself losing your high moral standards.

The reverse is also true. Why not start looking at the guys with good morals? Take what my youth minister said to heart and determine you’ll never date a guy you wouldn’t marry.

If you date in high school, keep in mind that every guy you date is a potential mate. That guy you are just dying to go out with could well become your husband. You might be thinking Oh, come on. I’m just having fun dating these guys at my school. It’s not that big of a deal if I go out with guys I know I would never marry. I’m just in high school. Dating doesn’t have to be that serious.

Although I can remember having the same kind of mentality, my life is a case in point. I married the guy I started dating when I was a sophomore in high school. It can happen. Fortunately for me, God really pounded in the importance of only dating marriage material, so thankfully, my bad-boy attraction and dating were limited. I managed to marry a good guy with good morals who loves God.

And while dating in high school may seem more like fun and games than serious business, you need to know you can fall in love with a bad boy if you insist on dating one. Or you can decide now that you won’t go out with guys that don’t have the same types of standards you have. And if you aren’t exactly sure if the guy you’d like to date is up to your standards, think of him and ask yourself, “Is this the man I would like to spend the next sixty something years of my life with?” That’s always a sobering question.

While the bad boy/good girl scene might make good drama (I love watching Rory figure out what to do with Jess on reruns of Gilmore Girls), in real life it’s dangerous business. Don’t be fooled into thinking you are strong enough to withstand the corruption that comes with bad company. It just won’t work. And you are not the stand-alone exception to the 1 Corinthians promise. But the good news is you are able to stand alone and hold out for God’s best for your life. God can strengthen you to reach his best in your life, even in your dating world.

B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book TeenVirtue 2 c.2006.

Click here to purchase TeenVirtue 2. http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441913