The Truth About Charm

By: Vicki Courtney

Not long ago my publicist forwarded an e-mail to me she had received from the producer of a radio show. I had done an interview for his show the day before on the object of Internet safety. The e-mail said, “Vicki was absolutely charming, and we lan to have her on the show again in the future.” I have to admit that I smiled when I read the word charming. What a great word! Who doesn’t want to be referred to as “charming”? The dictionary defines charm as the “ability to attract or delight greatly.” So how does one obtain the elusive quality of charm? And where exactly, does it fit in our Christian walk? Is charm on God’s list of approved qualities?
I have a collection of vintage Seventeen magazines and just may have stumbled upon the secret to charm while thumbing through an issue from October 1949. An article by a “noted beauty authority” addressed the three fundamentals of charm. Get ready to laugh.

The three fundamentals of charm are:
Vigorous aliveness
Appealing good looks
Ability to meet life gaily

Get ready to laugh even more. The author goes on to stress the importance of “physical well-being” as the secret to the three fundamentals of charm and summed it up by saying, “You can’t be gay [I swear it says this], you can’t be vigorous, and you can’t look your best if you’re not in good condition.” That advice may have bee helpful in 1949, but I’m thinking it’s a bit outdated for the average teen girl today.

So what exactly does God have to say about charm? Does the Bible even address it? Amazingly, it does. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.” The original Hebrew word for deceptive in the verse is sheqer and it means “an untruth” or “a sham.” When I think of the word sham, I think of an e-mail I just got this morning from a friend. It included a touching story and then, at the end, it said that if I didn’t forward it to ten friends right away, something bad might happen to me. Hmmm. I deleted the e-mail and discounted it as a sham. A sham is not worth my time. I have more important matters to deal with than going through my address book in an attempt to safeguard my future. Equally, the pursuit of charm is not worth my time. Why invest in something that bids for the attention of man when I should care more about pleasing my heavenly Father?

The second part of Proverbs 31:30 is clear on what makes God’s list when it comes to admirable qualities. “A woman who fears the Lord will be praised.” So what in the world does it mean to “fear the Lord”? When I heard the word fear, I think of knees knocking, teeth chattering, I-just-saw-a-ghost kind of fear. Is God talking about that kind of fear? Does he want us to be afraid of him? The “fear” that God speaks of is quite different. It is an awe and reverence for him- an awesome respect.

One Bible dictionary describes fear of the Lord as something that:
-dreads God’s displeasure - desires God’s favor - reveres God’s holiness - submits cheerfully to God’s will - is grateful for God’s benefits - sincerely worships God - conscientiously obeys God’s commandments

Lets break down the variables above to understand what is involved in fearing the Lord. This is an opportunity for you to do a self-assessment and ask yourself where you stand in regard to each variable.

DO YOU DREAD GOD’S DISPLEASURE? You know that feeling you get when one of your parents is disappointed in you over something you have done? Would it concern you if you knew God was displeased with your actions? Would it motivate you to avoid displeasing you?

DO YOU DESIRE GOD’S FAVOR? Are you more concerned with winning the favor o f man or God? Sadly, most Christians seem more concerned with being people-pleasers rather than God-pleasers.

DO YOU REVERE GOD’S HOLINESS? Do you use the name of the Lord in vain or remain silent when others use his name in vain. Or do you cringe when you hear someone blaspheme his holy name? The culture may find it cute to refer to Jesus as a “homeboy,” but you know better. Someone who dies for sinners deserves to be called Savior, not “homeboy”.

DO YOU SUBMIT CHEERFULLY TO GOD’S WILL? Are you committed to seeking out God’s will by reading the Bible consistently and praying? When you know what God wants you to do in a situation, do you do it, even though it may not be the popular thing to do?

ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR GOD’S BENEFITS? Do you regularly thank him for all he has done for you? Or do you focus more in your prayer time on what you would like him to do for you? Do you face life with an attitude that says the glass is half full rather than half empty? The truth is, with God at the center, it is overflowing.

DO YOU SINCERELY WORSHIP GOD? Do you recognize that worship is more than a song offered to God in a church service? Do you see worship as an attitude of the heart that is constantly aware that “God is God, and I’m not.”

DO YOU CONSCIENTIOUSLY OBEY GOD’S COMMANDMENTS? Do you filter decisions through God’s commandments set forth in the Bible? Has it become second nature for you to obey first and ask questions later?

So how did you do? Don’t beat yourself up if you fall short. Remember, we are a work in progress when it comes to spiritual maturity. The truth is, we probably all have room for improvement when it comes to fearing the Lord. If you are struggling to fear him, start by praying and sharing your struggle with God. Ask him to help you focus your attention on learning what it means to fear him. And then work on the list above by putting your fear of the Lord into practice.

Remember wise old King Solomon in the Old Testament? At God’s prompting he wrote the beautiful book of Ecclesiastes. He was best known for possessing great wisdom. He had personally reaped the benefits of wealth, knowledge, and power, yet he continued to question the meaning of life throughout the years. At the end of Ecclesiastes, he concludes with this:
Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments for this is the whole duty of man.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13 NIV)

Let me sum it up for you in a nutshell: When all is said and done, and someday you stand before you Maker, charm will be powerless on the One that matters most.

B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book TeenVirtue 2 c.2006.

Click here to purchase TeenVirtue 2. http://broadmanholman.com/productDetail.asp?isbn=0805441913