Teen Virtue

Guy Survey: The low-down on modesty

2007-04-17T22:09:06Z

In our survey we gave girls your age an opportunity to ask guys the one question that’s burning on their hearts. We compiled a list of the most commonly asked questions, and here is only a sampling of responses we received. First of all, while most of the guys we surveyed are Christian guys, this does not in any way mean that we agree 100 percent with their comments and endorse their answers as acceptable. As you will see, the guys were candidly honest and we wanted to give you a realistic cross section of what the average Christian guy is thinking. That said, we edited very little; and at times you might find that they use a word or make a statement that sounds harsh. However, we did not want to bring you manufactured results or answers that we “prettied up.” Some of their answers are endearing, some are blunt, and at times, some are offensive. We hope you will be left with a better understanding of the male mind. We also hope that you will see the dangers of stereotyping guys into categories. It is not our desire to participate in the “male-bashing” that we often see in today’s culture that is quick to stereotype guys as insensitive individuals. By printing their honest answers, you will see a large variety of responses. They are not perfect, but neither are we. In the end, you’ll see that much can be learned from their answers. What do you think when you see a girl dressed inappropriately? Bless her heart. She must feel like she has to dress that way to get attention. — Ryan, 18 Sometimes I let my guard down and think something I shouldn’t. I try to glorify Jesus with pure eyes and pure thoughts. — Geoff, 15 They need to respect themselves and everyone else around them by dressing more modestly. — Travis, 16 Do you want my sweatshirt? I really struggle with lust, so when girls dress inappropriately, it’s really hard on me. Especially, when I’m in a classroom and can’t escape from the temptation. — Jake, 16 I think that the girl is convinced that it’s the only way she can get attention. It makes me think she’s not self-confident and that she’s easy. — Tom, 16 I think she probably doesn’t have the best relationship with God, she probably isn’t that smart, and she needs guys to look at her, which has a whole different set of meanings attached to it. If she’s pretty, it’s hard not to look. I’m not perfect. I try not to linger and let my thoughts progress to lust. — Matt, 18 My heart says, “Look out!” My mind says, “Oh yeah!” — Trevor, 14 My first reaction is, “Wow.” But then the Holy Spirit is like, “Dude, what are you doing?!” These girls are giving way too much of themselves away to the world. — Ben, 17 I think that if they really felt like they were pretty, they wouldn’t have to dress that way. They have no respect for themselves or their parents. — Mario, 14 I think they are desperate. — Alex, 15 I wonder if her parents have any control over her. — Landon, 14 Sex. — Joe, 15 Well, sometimes I want to look, but eventually I realize that they aren’t the kind of girls I want to be with. — Chris, 16 Where are her parents? — Daniel, 16 I think that she doesn’t have good parents and needs attention. — Cabe, 14 B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

Guy Survey: Turn-offs

2007-04-17T22:04:48Z

What are some things about girls that send you running in the opposite direction?

DRAMA, shy, insecure, gossipers, forwardness, too flirty. — Ryan, 18 Incredibly self-conscious girls who care so much about how they look that they aren’t able to be themselves. — John, 16 Smoking, drinking, swearing constantly, overly competitive, rude/mean to people, suggestive/immodest clothing, overly dramatic, blows things out of proportion. — Travis, 16 Dressing inappropriately or pushing the dress code rules, especially at church. For example, I just went on a mission trip and some of the girls were obsessing over rolling up their T-shirt sleeves and pant legs so they wouldn’t get weird tan lines. If you truly want a godly guy, he’s not going to care about your tan lines, and he’s probably not going to be interested unless you put on more clothes. — Will, 15 A ditz. Guys don’t buy that front. We know girls are smarter than that and the fact that they choose to act stupid or unintelligent is a total turn off. — Ben, 17 The goose laugh! (Just kidding.) Seriously, the kind of girls that never leave you alone—really pushy girls! — Landon, 14 Bad attitude. If a girl is real snobby and thinks she’s better than everyone else, it’s really annoying. Also, if she has no manners and acts just like one of the guys. — Tom, 16 Overly flirtatious, being easy, lack of self-respect, mean to other girls, into drugs and alcohol, aggressive, overly sexual. — Matt, 18 If they always need to be in the limelight—the ones who talk about themselves all the time. — Riley, 15 Cussing, drug use, skanky clothing, and a bad attitude. — Logan, 16 Loud, obnoxious, show off, boastful, and critical of others. — Jarrod, 18 When they wear so much makeup! They are beautiful no matter what. — Holden, 15 The way many of them dress can send me running. Loud, boasting, and gossipy nature instead of a gentle and quiet spirit like the Bible talks about. — Matt, 16 Smoking, bad manners, bad teeth, bad hygiene, not modest, whiney, two-faced, treats grown-ups bad (teachers, parents, etc.). — Cabe, 14 Acting dumb when they aren’t; talks too much. — Matthew, 16 When girls are really flashy in a sexual way. I know they’re just trying to get attention and that’s not what I’m looking for. — Nicholas, 14 B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

Guy Survey: Describe the Perfect Girl

2007-04-17T21:50:07Z

DESCRIBE THE PERFECT GIRL

Beautiful, caring, smart, and she smells nice. — Josh, 14 Christian, confident, talkative, good cook, amazing video game skills, strange obsession with all the sports teams I like. — Ryan, 18 Beauty is a bonus. I think Jesus gives Christian guys eyes to see inner beauty. With that said, I would love a girl who has the same interests as I do, follows Christ, is funny, helps those in need and is not stuck on herself. — Geoff, 15 Christian, smart, not overly needy/high maintenance, active, funny but able to have serious conversations, generally happy, and able to help me through anything. — Travis, 16 She has to have a great personality. She has to be able to carry on the most intellectual conversations and the absolute dumbest ones, as well. She would have to be in love with sports like me because that’s basically all I think about. — Jared, 16 For me, I look a lot at 1 Corinthians 13 and Proverbs 31 for qualities that make up the perfect girl. She needs to be living for Jesus and willing to choose Jesus over a guy. She should be open and honest and there needs to be a tad bit of randomness there as well. Dressing modestly is also huge. — Jake, 16 There has to be physical attraction as well as personality attraction, if that makes sense. She needs to be well-mannered and nice and not dress like a slut. — Tom, 16 She needs to go to church, read God’s Word, and pray. She needs to have a sense of humor. She needs to be someone I can share my problems with and who will share hers with me. — Nathan, 14 Understanding, forgiving, tender, loving, and nurturing. Likes to snuggle but won’t tell your guy friends you like to! She understands your need to be macho sometimes. She doesn’t pressure you. Brunette. — Matt, 18 Nice, somebody you can have fun with but still bring home to Mom. She can cook and is in shape. — Spencer, 14 A girl who honors God first in all things, including her parents. In love with God first and always. Funny, outgoing, musical, encouraging, and has a heart for people and doing God’s work. — Ben, 17 She is definitely a Christian. Beautiful, positive attitude, isn’t fake, and loves Christ more than anything. — Logan, 16 Christian, not too outgoing, sweet, sympathetic, modest, and doesn’t care too much about what others think. — Jerrod, 18 She boldly seeks after the Lord despite what her peers think of her. She has integrity, honesty, is trustworthy, patient, uncompromising in her beliefs, confident in herself, and has an outward beauty that is only made complete by the inner qualities above. — Matt, 16 Long flowing brown hair, curls preferably, lives in Texas, loves God more than she loves me. — Veston, 15 She is a Christian, smart, pretty good-looking, good personality, virgin, independent, treats her parents good, semi-athletic. — Cabe, 14 B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

CROWD OR CROSS?

2007-04-17T21:23:36Z

If you are a Christian, you know how difficult it can be to choose “the cross” (what God wants you to do) over “the crowd” (what everyone else is doing). Even Peter, one of Christ’s most devoted disciples, denied that he knew Jesus. Jesus had been arrested and was facing crucifixion and Peter denied that he knew Jesus not just once, but three times, and get this . . . to a mere servant girl! Keep in mind, he had witnessed Jesus perform miracle after miracle and traveled everywhere with him as he preached to the crowds, and yet, he had a moment where he chose the crowd over the cross. Meanwhile, Peter was below in the courtyard. One of the servant girls who worked for the high priest noticed Peter warming himself at the fire. She looked at him closely and then said, “You were one of those with Jesus, the Nazarene.” Peter denied it. “I don't know what you’re talking about,” he said, and he went out in the entryway. Just then, a rooster crowed. The servant girl saw him standing there and began telling the others, “That man is definitely one of them!” Peter denied it again.

A little later some other bystanders began saying to Peter, “You must be one of them because you are from Galilee.” Peter said, “I swear by God, I don’t know this man you’re talking about.” And immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and cried. (Mark 14:66–72 NLT)

But the story has a happy ending. After Jesus was crucified and arose from the dead, he returned and spoke to the disciples before ascending to heaven. He not only forgave Peter for the denial but gave him the assignment to “feed my sheep.” Jesus knew that Peter was truly sorry for the denial. Peter’s tears were evidence of his godly sorrow. Because of this, Jesus knew he could trust Peter with a job as important as feeding (taking care of) his sheep (followers). It will be impossible to change our actions unless we have a “godly sorrow” for them. To have godly sorrow is to feel sadness over the impact our actions had on God (caused Christ to have to die for our sins). It is not the type of sorrow that comes from being caught. Only godly sorrow will produce true change (repentance) and the ability to choose the cross in the future.

Second Corinthians 7:10 (NLT) says, “For God can use sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin and seek salvation. We will never regret that kind of sorrow. But sorrow without repentance is the kind that results in death.”

The truth is, we will all have moments where we choose the crowd over the cross, and like Peter, will deny our Savior. Just as Jesus forgave and restored Peter, he desires to do the same thing for us. Next time you have a choice to follow the crowd or the cross, remember the sorrow of Peter and more importantly, the love of Christ. Someone who loves us that much is worthy of our allegiance. When we surveyed girls your age, we asked them to share a time where they chose the crowd over the cross and felt great sorrow. Below is a sampling of their responses. Pay careful attention to why many of them felt sorrow. Some mention feeling sorrow because they did something that their parents would be upset about or because it made them “feel bad.” While it is a good first step to admit the times where we have chosen the crowd over the cross, remember, a godly sorrow begins with a sorrow to God and a desire to follow him. DO YOU HAVE ONE TO ADD? At my school if you want to be popular, you have to pretty much be mean and hurt other people’s feelings. Well, I gave in and felt really, really bad for hurting a lot of the girls’ feelings, so I apologized. — Emma, age 12 I had gone to my friend’s house but I didn’t know there would be drinking there. Everyone was drinking and my friends convinced me to drink. I was only thirteen at the time. The cops ended up showing up and I got a ticket for minor in consumption. I felt so bad about it. — Suzi, age 14 I went to go see a movie that my parents didn’t approve of and that I know God wouldn’t approve of. I regret it because I look back on it and think about how I hurt my parents and God. — Heaven, age 16 My friends told me to wear a shirt that was very revealing and I wore it. I knew I shouldn’t and plus I didn’t feel comfortable wearing it. — Trudi, age 13 My friends and I all went to a party. At first we were doing all the things you do at parties like dance, talk, and hang out. And then things started to heat up! All my friends were making out with boys and I ended up doing it too just for my friends and popularity. Now, I’m sorry I did it! — Sara, age 13 I fell under the “power” of peer pressure and I stole something from PetCo. But, I felt so bad that the next day I went back and spent all of my money to make up for it. (Editor’s Note: I know this is radical, but true repentance means taking the item back and talking to a Manager. Offer to pay for the item. Depending on the value of the item, most managers won’t press charges, but it’s the right thing to do.) — Grace, age 12 B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

CROSS or CROWD?

2007-04-17T20:58:10Z

Here’s the part of the survey where we asked girls your age to share about a time where they chose “the cross” over “the crowd.” It warmed my heart to hear about the stand so many girls your age are taking for Christ. I hope that these examples will inspire you as much as they inspired me. Most of all, know that you are not alone out there! There are many girls your age facing the same pressures and temptations you do and deciding to choose the cross over the crowd. Remember that the next time you feel like you’re the only one taking a stand and choosing the cross. I was at a school dance party and I thought the dancing was bad. My friends also agreed with me. There were parents there but they did not seem to care. When I finally noticed that the grown-ups wouldn’t come to the rescue, I called my mom and left the party. — Grace, age 14 Well, there was this pool party. I knew there were going to be guys there. Almost all the girls were wearing bikinis. I chose to wear a more modest swimsuit. I also wore some cute shorts over it. — Carin, age 13 I have been asked by people to go to parties where there would be drinking and I declined, knowing that it was not right. — Kara, age 17 Some people were openly cheating in social studies on a test and I refused to join in. — Kimmi, age 14 Once I was with a group of friends who wanted to steal something. They wanted me to also, but I just walked away. — Kayla, age 15 A few friends and I were going to see a movie, and when we got there the only one that was showing was rated R for sexual content, language, and violence. They went in, I went home. — Chelsi, age 17 I was on a really good volleyball team and we were about to start tournaments. It consisted of missing four Sundays in a row, so I said I would have to decline. — Ashton, age 17 In English we’re reading a book that takes God’s name in vain a whole lot, and we have to read out loud. My teacher asked who had a problem with reading it out loud and I was the only one who refused to do it. — Katherine, age 17 DO YOU HAVE AN EXAMPLE TO SHARE OF A TIME YOU CHOSE THE CROSS OVER THE CROWD? B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

BIGGEST REGRET

2007-04-17T20:24:27Z

Call me weird, but I like to read the obituaries in the newspaper. My family makes fun of me, but I find it fascinating to read about people who have passed on. It’s pretty humbling when you stop and think that our lives will some day be summed up in a few brief paragraphs in a newspaper. Like one guy I read about whose family member said, “He wanted to live life with no regrets and he did just that.” Hmm . . . that one sentence really got me thinking. Is it really possible to live life without a single regret? I don’t think so. Surely, this guy at some point in his life said an unkind word to someone. I’m pretty sure he lied, cheated, or lusted in his heart. No one is perfect so we know he committed sins. Did he not regret them? Did he not regret when his actions hurt others? Maybe I’m overanalyzing this, but I don’t think I can admire someone who “lives life with no regrets.” Some of the biggest regrets of my life came during my high school and college years. “If I could go back and do it over again . . .” Have you ever heard someone say that? Probably so. In life, we will make mistakes. Some people will make more than others, but we will all make them. It seems to me that the key is to live life with as few regrets as possible. That means learning from the mistakes we make and moving on.

Philippians 3:13–14 says, “Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.”

Sounds to me like a good remedy for regrets: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead. What about you? What’s your biggest regret? Having sex before marriage! — Heather, age 17 That I have anorexia. —Kristen, age 15 Getting drunk at a party. — Kirsten, age 13 I have two: 1) Not waiting until marriage. 2) Not getting rid of my ex-boyfriend sooner! — Amanda, age 18 When I go to church camp, I learn so much, then I come home and I don’t change anything. Basically I just have a camp high. — Hannah, age 16 Not spending enough “quality time” with people and not having enough heart-to-heart talks with my sis. She’s leaving for college this summer and I’m just starting to realize all the stuff we never did. — Mary, age 15 My biggest regret is that I haven’t spent enough time with my grandparents who are starting to show their age. — Becky, age 15 I always judge people. I want to stop, but sometimes words just slip out. — Hannah, age 12 Being mad at my dad and then he died unexpectedly. I didn’t get to tell him that I loved him. — Amber, age 14 My biggest regret is probably giving a big piece of my heart emotionally to a guy who amazed me because he was such a godly guy, but who was still pretty immature. — Julie, age 14 My biggest regret is that I told this guy I dated I loved him, when I really didn’t. I said it because I didn’t want him to feel bad. —Laurel, age 17 Losing my parents’ trust by lying. — Becca, age 16 B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT

2007-04-17T20:06:25Z

We’ve all had it happen. No one can escape embarrassing moments. True, some are more embarrassing than others, but everyone has a story about a heart-beating-palm-sweating-cheeks-blushing moment where time stood still and you wanted to curl up and die. I had an embarrassing moment happen recently when I was being interviewed on a live radio show. For 15 minutes I talked to the host, Don, about my new book. Now, this wasn’t one of those little radio shows in Smalltown, USA with a listening audience as big as your English class. No, it was a big kahuna show where people tuned in everyday because they liked Don the host because he was interesting and put on a good show. Only problem was that the host’s name wasn’t “Don.” It was “Dan.” At the end of the interview, the sound technician very kindly informed me of that small detail when we were off the air. I had called the host the wrong name throughout the entire interview. Ugh. Talk about embarrassing . . . We may not be able to control those unexpected embarrassing moments, but we can choose how we react to them. In the situation above, I had two choices: 1) I could dwell on it for the rest of the day and beat myself up, or 2) I could laugh my head off and move on. I chose #2 and now, when I think about it, I crack up. I’m not sure Don (whoops, I mean Dan) is cracking up yet, but oh well. Life is too short to dwell on such silly matters. And that is exactly what I told myself in the moments that immediately followed my embarrassing moment. The truth is, while it may be extremely embarrassing at the time, no one is really dwelling on it as much as you. Within moments, it is usually quickly forgotten. So, Dan, if you are reading this, I am really, really sorry I called you Don on your show, and I would love it if you would give me another chance in the future. If it makes you feel better, you can call me “Courtney” the entire show. It happens all the time. What about you? Do you have an embarrassing moment to share? In the fifth grade, we had “the talk” (if you know what I mean). That day at lunch, we had hamburgers and I ended up spilling ketchup all over the front of my khaki pants! I had to walk around for the rest of the day with a coat zipped up around my waist! Jennifer, age 13 My most embarrassing moment would have to be when I thought that Sonic did home deliveries because I saw a sign on their door that said, “No deliveries between 11:30–1:30.” I didn’t know the sign was for the people delivering the food to them! Amber, age 19 I was in church and had just gotten back from a senior trip to Washington, D.C. I was wearing an “I heart D.C.” shirt. Our pastor’s name just so happens to have the initials “DC.” He announced that he was preaching the next evening at a conference and told everyone that was planning to come to wear a T-shirt like mine. Then he called me to the front of the sanctuary to show the whole church my shirt. I turned ten shades of red. Amanda, age 18 It would have to be when my mother sent a giant balloon with a big “16” on it to my school for my birthday. I wanted to die. Rachel, age 16 One time my friend was joking around with her mom and threw her bra at her. Her mom picked it up and threw it back at her, but it ended up hitting me and the hooks got caught in my hair! Amy, age 14 I was the new girl after we moved last year and no one could ever remember my name at school. They just called me “new girl.” Maggie, age 12 DO YOU HAVE ONE TO SHARE? B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

Pet Peeves

2007-04-17T20:02:43Z

Grrrr . . . It’s Time to Sound Off! The dictionary defines pet peeve as “a particular or recurring source of irritation.” For me, it’s people with bad cell phone manners (thus, the quiz on page 138). Look, I love my cell phone just as much as the next guy and I can’t imagine life without it. But sometimes I want to imagine others without theirs. Especially the guy last week who was on my plane and carried on a loud conversation with someone about his kidney stone. Please, I didn’t want to know that—can’t it wait until he’s in a more private location? I’m sure I speak for the person on the receiving end when I say, “Spare us.” Or maybe I started to crack when I entered the ladies restroom to find yet again someone chatting on her phone. I don’t care how important the matter is—please don’t call me if there are toilets flushing in the background and a woman in the next stall asking two-year-old little Johnny if he made a “poo in the potty.” Bad idea. Or maybe it is carrying on a conversation with someone only to have the person take the call or check a text message when his or her phone vibrates. If it’s an emergency, that’s understandable, but most are unnecessary distractions that can wait until the conversation has ended. The next time it happens, I just may walk away and dial their cell phone number, since that seems to be the best way to get their undivided attention. So, what about you? Do you have a pet peeve? We asked that question in our survey and now, it’s your turn to sound off! When guys wear their pants so they sag and I can see their boxers. It makes me want to hand them a belt! — Alicia, age 16 When people talk during a movie! — Hailey, age 13 My biggest pet peeve is skinny girls talking about how “fat” they are. It just shows a lack of confidence on their part. — Laura, age 17 When people stick gum under the desks at school. — Ashley, age 12 A mark left on a whiteboard when people are erasing it. — Haley, age 12 When people drive about 10 mph below the speed limit. — Rebecca, age 17 I can’t stand when people get right beside me and/or look over my shoulder and/or listen in while I’m doing something. — Meagan, age 14 When people chew gum and you can hear them chewing it and then they make these really loud bubbles. It’s horrible! — Elizabeth, age 16 When you’re talking to someone and their cell phone rings and they act like you’re not even there. — Maggie, age 12 WHAT ABOUT YOU??? B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

Your Questions About the Future

2007-04-16T21:44:29Z

By: Susie Davis I would love for you always to feel happy. But the truth is the things that make us happy change all the time, and the things that we think will make us happy aren’t always the things that are best for us. For example, when I was in high school. I felt sure that I could be happy if I could just weigh a certain amount (which on looking back, was not a healthy weight) or get a certain guy (looking back, not the best choice). I thought I would be happy if I could get some recognition for being popular by getting elected “friendliest” or “most beautiful.” And while some of those things did roll my way when I was in high school, the happy meter in my life didn’t always stay full. For instance, when I got elected cheerleader (which I begged God for and told him it would make me oh so happy) that didn’t mean that I stayed happy. Cheerleading is fun of course, but it’s not enough to keep a person waking up every day saying, “Oh my gosh! I am the luckiest person alive because I am a cheerleader! I now feel happy and I will continue to be happy all day long!” No, that is a little ditsy and you probably recognize that, but I wonder: When you think of what will make you happy, are you able to distinguish your crazy thought patterns? It is always hard to think clearly about your own life concerning these things. Try something. Write down ten things that you believe will make you happy on the list below. Start each with “I would be happy if . . .” Now look over the list and honestly assess whether there is any difference from my ditsy cheerleader quote regarding anything on your list. Granted, your list might be more other’s centered. Maybe you wrote down, “I would be happy if my grandma weren’t sick with cancer.” Or maybe, “I would be happy if my parents were back together.” And I gotta give it to you—those types of wishes are much deeper and more thoughtful than making cheerleader or getting a unending credit line at Sephora, but . . . so many of our “happy” requests are about getting out from under the discomfort in our lives and about believing lies. For example, making cheerleader is often perceived as achieving popularity and acceptance. So that would mean if you make cheerleader, then there is no more discomfort wondering if you’ve arrived on the social scene—right? Wrong. You and I both know plenty of insecure cheerleaders. What about being happy if your grandma’s cancer goes away? Well, it is very rational to believe that would make you (and a lot of other people) happy, but we also need to look into the comfort vs. discomfort issue I mentioned. Honestly, God is not all about our happiness, but he is all about our well-being and sometimes the two can seem very different from a personal point of view. Here’s what I mean . . . When I was in middle school, I witnessed a murder that I felt crashed and ruined my life. I was not happy about it and wanted God to make all the repercussions of the incident go away. I didn’t want to see the mental pictures, I didn’t want to feel afraid, and I didn’t want to have to forgive the person who did it. If I could have prayed for one important thing to be happy, I would have requested a rewind from God. I would have asked him to take me out of the classroom where the murder took place or, better yet, just erase the murder all together. For many years I felt that would have fixed the problem. But as I got older and dealt with the discomfort in my life and after I got over thinking that I had been treated unfairly because I was there in the room, I started realizing I could have some deep down God happy—peace and joy is what the Bible calls it—in spite of all other circumstances.* That grasp of deep down God happy is what I really needed because there is a truth to be understood about the world’s version of “happy.” It is fleeting. The world’s happy comes and goes, but peace and joy is something that no person or circumstance can take away from you. Your grandma’s cancer can’t take peace and joy away. Your parents’ divorce can’t take peace and joy away.

Romans 15:13 says it this way, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”.

The secret to a happy life is placing your “happy” in God and God’s hope for your life. When you are able to trust God and believe that he has your best interest in mind, you will experience the deep down God happy. Does that mean you will never experience disappointments? Gut-wrenching hardships? Confusing personal relationships? Serious and stunning situations? Of course not. We all will have our share of these kinds of issues in life—it’s inevitable. Jesus not only predicted problems in our life, he warned about them. And our refusal to be realistic about this, hanging on to the world’s idea of happiness, positions us to believe a lie about life. Look at the words of Jesus in John 16:33, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world”. Jesus the realist. So the truth is there will be unhappy stuff that happens which will bring discomfort into our lives and we can’t control that, but God has promised to care for us in those situations, giving us peace and joy despite any circumstances. So my wish for you and for me is a continuing deep belief in God. How Will I Know if the Path I Am Taking Is the One God Has for Me or if It’s the Wrong One? Searching for God’s will in your life is the ongoing struggle for many Christians. Wouldn’t it be great if God gave us a road map so we could make sure and never go wrong? The truth is that he has given us a road map in the Bible though it is likely not as well-defined as we would like it. You won’t flip open the Bible to find who you are supposed to date or marry. You won’t find out specifics on what college you are supposed to attend or what to major in. And you probably already know that you won’t find God’s perfect will for your life about whether or not you should cut bangs! However, God does have ideas about what he desires for your life and mine. For one, John 6:40 says, “For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life". And another piece of God’s will includes 1 Thessalonians 4:3 which says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified” .We can know with certainty that God’s will for you and me is that we would become Christians and grow in our faith. Those are givens, so I am thinking that is not exactly what you are wondering about. You are probably wondering about getting off on the wrong path dating the wrong person. Or maybe taking the wrong job. Or signing up for the wrong classes. Maybe there is a choice about whether or not to go to a party or to go on a trip. There are millions of everyday choices and it sounds like you want to make sure to make the right choices where God is concerned. I have to tell you that it says a lot about your heart for thinking that way. I imagine God is proud of you for desiring to please him. He is our Father and just like any good daddy, he is proud of his kids when their heart is in the right place. I hope knowing that makes you feel good. Although there are no one, two, three steps to determining God’s path for your life, there are some basic guidelines to put you on the path to making good decisions. God gave us his Word to help us in our daily life. He left us with verses from the Bible about loving him and honoring him first and letting the directions for our individual life spill out of our love and devotion. Jeremiah 6:16 says, “So now the Lord‘ says, ‘Stop right where you are! Look for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls’”. This “old, godly way” is found in the pages of the Bible. So the best advice for staying on the right path is staying close to God and his Word. When we actively love God and his Word, then our thinking produces stable, right thinking that the Bible calls wisdom. And when we apply wisdom in our actions and decisions, we stay on the right path.

Romans 12:2 says it like this, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is”

And I know this sounds incredibly simplistic and vague, but it is the answer God provided in the Bible. What is the best way to ensure you know God’s path for your life? Saturate your mind in the Bible; soak up biblical teaching; hang around people who wholeheartedly love God; be willing to wait on things when you are unsure of yourself; and pray like crazy to have the understanding to make decisions that will honor God in your life. * For more on dealing with painful situations, check out the article, “The Small Answer to the Big Question: Why Do Bad Things Happen?” on page 88 of TeenVirtue Confidential. To purchase TeenVirtue Confidential, visit http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921 B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007.

PEARLS AND PIGS

2007-04-16T21:42:59Z

By: Vicki Courtney I am shocked to see some of the comments posted by guys on Christian girls’ pages. While I am disappointed in the guys, I can’t help but wonder why these girls allow the guys to talk inappropriately to them. Are they so desperate for attention that they are willing to settle for the wrong kind of attention? I can’t help but think that some of these girls are even flattered by the comments or they would have removed them from their page. One such Christian girl, who listed the Bible as a favorite book, had numerous sexually inappropriate comments posted on her page. One guy friend jokingly described in graphic detail a sexual act he wanted to perform on her. I know, I know, it’s all in jest. But it’s not funny. Some guys will test a girl’s limits to see if they will tolerate sexual banter. It’s similar to what happens when a substitute teacher shows up and the class tests the limits to see what they can get away with. If the rules are loose, there’s a good chance that the class will take advantage of the lack of boundaries. On the other hand, if the teacher takes charge from the beginning and gives the class clear expectations for behavior, it is less likely that boundaries will be crossed. In a similar manner, girls who allow guys to speak to them inappropriately have put out a welcome mat for future inappropriate comments. I used the above girl’s page as an example to talk to my daughter about “boundaries” and where to draw the line when it comes to sexual banter. I suggested that should a guy ever speak to her in an inappropriate manner, she firmly tell him, “Do not talk to me that way ever again.” Should he pursue, I told her immediately to cut off all future communication with him. He is not worth her time. I know this sounds like harsh advice, but if you take a look at Ephesians 5:4–5, it doesn’t give any wiggle room for sexual banter and cautions God’s people against participating in “obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes” (NLT). It also brought to mind another passage of Scripture where Jesus was preaching to the crowd on a mountainside. It starts in Matthew 5 and ends three chapters later. I know that you are probably not fond of long sermons, but this one is well worth reading in your spare time. In fact, Matthew 7:28 says,

“When Jesus had finished this sermon, the crowds were astonished at his teaching”.

Consider it a sort of pep talk on how to live life and live it to the fullest. He covered everything from loving your enemies (ouch) to not obsessing over what you will wear (double ouch). But tucked away in the passage is this priceless bit of advice:

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces” (Matthew 7:6).

You don’t have to search long on MySpace and Facebook to find countless examples of insecure Christian girls who are throwing their pearls to pigs. Slopping in the mud with the swine rather than guarding their priceless pearls in a treasure chest. You are worth more than that. Remember that if a guy crosses the line with sexual banter, don’t stick around for the mud bath. Save your pearls for a prince. WHAT DO YOU THINK? B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. Click here to purchase TeenVirtue Confidential. http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?

2007-04-16T21:40:58Z

By: Vicki Courtney Ahhh, the ever-popular “how far is too far question?” If I had to list the top three questions I get off my ministry Web site for teen girls, virtuousreality.com, or at events, this one would definitely make the cut. I personally don’t think there is one hard and fast answer that is true for everyone when it comes to this question. Depending on whom you ask, some Christians will say kissing is too far, while yet, others say it is anything beyond the kiss. The real question is at what point do you personally, hit the point of no return? For many, it is possible to draw the line at kissing and resist the temptation to want to go beyond that. Some may find it very difficult to stop at just a kiss and will need to draw the line before that. I would highly suggest some basic rules to ensure that you don’t cross the line. Don’t put yourself in situations where you will be alone with your boyfriend for extended periods of time. No lying down next to each other. No snuggling under covers. Also, there’s a big difference between “kissing” and “making out.” A “kiss” is more like the punctuation at the end of a sentence. “Making out” is an open-ended sentence that invites a variety of different endings. Now, I realize many of you are reading this and thinking, C’mon, lady—do you know how hard it would be to draw the line at a kiss? I do. And I realize that very few of you will have a 100 percent success rate in doing so. Survey results back it up: Christian or not, our bodies are wired to desire physical intimacy and to say no is a difficult challenge for many. However, in spite of what the culture implies, we are not sex-craved animals that must satisfy the urges within. Another challenge in the battle to remain pure (and one that I hear few Christians address) is the fact that the average age of marriage continues to increase over the years for both men and women. In Bible times, it was not uncommon for teens to marry very young. It is speculated that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was as young as fourteen to sixteen years old when she gave birth. Today, the average age of marriage is nearly twenty-six for women and twenty-eight for men. It makes you wonder if the same God, who gives us raging hormones in our teen years (in order that it would encourage us to marry and bear children), ever intended that we wait almost a decade longer (or more) to enjoy sex. Food for thought. I am certainly not suggesting that this gives teens permission to go for it when it comes to sexual activity. Nor, am I suggesting that you get married in your teen years. I am, however, suggesting that we question our culture’s mentality of delayed marriage into the mid-late twenties and beyond. If you are asking the question “How far is too far?” let me give you a list of some things you might want to avoid to help you in the battle to stay pure: • dating a guy who doesn’t hold your same values and beliefs, • dating a guy who doesn’t have the same boundary line and respect your boundary line, • being alone with your boyfriend for extended periods of time, • watching shows and movies that depict sex and sexual activity as a recreational hobby, • reading sexually suggestive books (romance novels and smutty teen fiction like Gossip Girls) • not having a firm game plan for where your boundary line is—figure it out on the front end rather than after the fact! Here are some things you will need if you are to stand up to the challenge: • prayer (on a regular basis); pour your heart out to God and keep the lines of communication open. Tell him you are struggling . . . ask him to help you remain pure. • accountability: tell at least one Christian friend or mentor where your boundary line is and ask them to check in with you to see how you’re doing. Also, ask them to pray for you. • time spent in God’s Word on a regular basis: this is where your strength will come from—without it, your tank will eventually run dry. Regardless of when (or if) you marry, God expects you to maintain your sexual purity. It is not impossible to draw a boundary that is pleasing to God and stick with it. No, it will not be easy. Yes, some of you may slip up along the way, but this does not mean you grow callous to sexual sin and continue in that sin. It’s never too late to do the right thing. B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book Teen Virtue Confidential c. 2007. Click here to purchase TeenVirtue Confidential. http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441921

Is God Pro-Life?

2007-04-16T21:36:28Z

By: Vicki Courtney Did you know that almost half of American women (43 percent) will have an abortion sometime in their lifetime? Abortion was made legal in 1973, and in the three decades that have followed, more than forty-four million abortions have been performed. Let me put that into perspective for you. Had those forty-four million unborn babies been carried to term, they could fill two states the size of Texas. In one year alone, more children died from abortion than Americans died in the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World Wars I and II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and the Gulf War combined. What must God be thinking about the casual way we discard our preborn? Psalm 139 leaves no question that God values human life from the moment a child is conceived.
“For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know [this] very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all [my] days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began.”

(Psalm 139:13-16)

Ninety-three percent of all abortions occur for social reasons (i.e. the child is unwanted or inconvenient). Essentially, what this boils down to is that those who have abortions are not willing to sacrifice nine months of “inconvenience” in order to allow their own child an entire lifetime. There is no shortage of couples who desperately want children and cannot have them. When I was your age, I believed that abortion must be acceptable because it was legal. I was taught that the fetus is nothing more than a mass or blob of unrecognizable tissue. Many of my friends and I bought this lie when we were your age. We were not taught the truth about fetus development in the womb. And sadly, many from my generation and the generations that followed went on to have abortions. Do not be mistaken; abortion is not a quick-fix solution to an inconvenient problem. If teen girls could see the number of adult women who have cried on my shoulder over the guilt they still carry from a past abortion, they would know it is anything but a quick fix. Carrying a child is one of the greatest miracles from God. It is impossible for a woman to terminate a pregnancy and not experience emotional consequences at some pint. Many of these consequences surface years later when the reality of what they have done begins to sink in. Because abortion has become so common in our society, I want you to know the truth regarding fetal development should you or one of your friends ever face the reality of an unplanned pregnancy. FACTS ABOUT FETAL DEVELOPMENT (keep in mind that week 6 is about two weeks after a missed period) Week 6 The embryo is about one-fifth of an inch in length. A primitive heart is beating. Head, mouth, liver and intestines begin to take shape. Week 10 The embryo is now about one inch in length. Facial features, limbs, hands, feet, fingers, and toes become apparent. The nervous system is responsive, and many of the internal organs begin to function. Week 14 The fetus is now three inches long and weighs almost an ounce. The muscles begin to develop and sex organs form. Eyelids, fingernails, and toenails also form. The child’s spontaneous movements can be observed. Week 18 The fetus is now about five inches long. The child blinks, grasps, and moves her mouth. Hair grows on the head and body. Week 22 The fetus now weighs approximately one-half pound and spans about ten inches from head to tow. Sweat glands develop, and the external skin has turned from transparent to opaque. Week 26 The fetus can now inhale, exhale, and even cry. Eyes have completely formed, and the tongue has developed taste buds. Under intensive medical care the fetus has over a 50 percent chance of surviving outside the womb. Week 30 The fetus is usually capable of living outside the womb and would be considered premature at birth. Week 40 This marks the end of the normal gestational period. The child is now ready to live outside of the mother’s womb. Most abortions are not performed until nine weeks of the pregnancy. Even RU 486 chemical abortions can’t be done until after six weeks. By that time the baby has identifiable arms and legs (day forty-five) and displays measurable brain waves (about forty days). During the seventh through tenth weeks, fingers and genitals appear, and the child’s face is recognizably human. Given this information, it’s amazing that 55 percent of teens view abortion as “morally acceptable.” My guess is that they have never been told the truth. Will. You help me tell them? Your efforts could help save a life. B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book TeenVirtue c. 2005. Click here to purchase TeenVirtue: http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805430563

Hollywood Jesus

2007-04-16T21:34:21Z

By: Vicki Courtney In Mark 8:27, Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” They answered him, “John the Baptist; others, Elijah; still others, one of the prophets.” You can hardly blame Jesus for asking. By that time he had performed plenty of miracles. He had healed Simon’s mother-in-law of fever and a man with leprosy. He had healed a paralyzed man who had been lowered through a roof by his friends. He had healed a deaf and dumb man, another man who was blind, fed five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fish, raised a twelve-year-old child from the dead, and healed countless sick people, including a hemorrhaging woman who barely touched the cloak of his robe. He cast demons out of many people, including a man who was possessed by a “legion” of demons. It was quite a show when Jesus redirected the demons into a herd of two thousand pigs and the rushed down a steep hillside into a lake and drowned. Oh, and did I mention that he had walked on water? Any one of these events would have been front-page news in today’s world. Likely word had spread from village to village of this man, Jesus and his many miracles. Stop for a minute and imagine what sort of answers Jesus would get if he posed the same question, “Who do people say I am” to his disciples today. “Well, let’s see Lord, Madonna says you are a great teacher. Ashton Kutcher sports a trendy T-shirt that boldly proclaims you are his homeboy. In the movie Bruce Almighty it talks a lot about God, but you didn’t get a part. Ditto for the popular show, Touched by an Angel. You did, however, get a part in South Park—as the host of a cable access show called Jesus and Friends. Unfortunately, they didn’t always portray you in a positive light. Hollywood will occasionally take a stab at making a made-for-TV movie or a feature-length movie that depicts your life. Unfortunately, most producers fail to consult with you and end up fashioning their own custom-made Jesus. The exception is Mel Gibson-his movie would make you real proud. When it comes to pop music, Jessica Simpson sang that you are her portion in the hymn, “His Eye Is on the Sparrow.” She included the song on one of her CDs—you know, the one called “Irresistible,” where she poses seductively on the front cover in a see-through blouse. Popular retailer Urban Outfitters sold you as a refrigerator magnet dressed in white briefs and hanging on the cross. The $14 “Jesus Dress-Up Kit” came complete with a variety of magnetic costumes including a hula skirt and a Satan mask. Abercrombie and Fitch mentioned you in their controversial quarterly catalog that advertised “Group Sex” on the front cover. Their reference made to you in the catalog is so blasphemous; we cannot bear to repeat it in your presence. You are available on e-Bay as a dashboard bobble head doll for a mere eight dollars. When it comes to the people searching for information about you online, you are googled slightly more than The Beatles but sometimes less than Britney Spears. Wand when it comes to American teenagers, 82 percent call themselves Christians, but unfortunately 53 percent of these same teenagers claim that you committed sins while on earth. Perhaps with a tear in his eye, Jesus would reply in the same way he did to the disciples so many years ago when he said, “But what about you? Who do you say I am?” And in the end, this is the million-dollar question for each and every person. The answer will determine whether or not we spend eternity with God or apart from God, so the question must be pondered carefully. Will you answer correctly as Peter did when he said, “You are the Christ” (the Messiah, the Son of God). Scripture is clear when it says

“for this reason God also highly exalted Him and gave Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow—of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth—and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Phil 2:9-11)

Regardless of who those in Hollywood and today’s pop culture say Jesus is, in the end, whether in heaven or hell, every knee will bow and every tongue confess, “Jesus Christ is Lord.” Who do you say he is? B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book TeenVirtue c. 2005. Click here to purchase. http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805430563

Four Types of Dating to Avoid

2007-04-16T21:32:08Z

By: Vicki Courtney 1. Dating for Fun Girls should avoid going out with someone simply for the sake of saying they are going out with someone. Going out (dating) should not be the forum to explore initial feelings of attraction. Often in high school relationships begin based on nothing more than an initial physical attraction. Dating should never be entered into lightly. Build friendships and spend time in group settings where you are free to be yourself and get to know each other over time. 2. Dating by Emotion Most teen girls enter into dating relationships based on feelings more than facts. They rationalize that if it feels right, it must be right. Proverbs 4:23 provides a word of caution: “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” Part of guarding your heart will be learning to trust God more than your emotions. God would not want you to give your heart away prematurely by swapping casual proclamations of “I love you” in a relationship that years later will most likely be nothing more than a faded memory with “ol’ what’s his name.” Girls who follow their emotions when it comes to dating are more likely to follow their emotions when it comes to sexual temptations. Hormones will often send a message that if it feels right it must be right, and many will give in sexually because they believe it is the next step in the relationship. Additionally, the culture readily preaches feelings as a litmus test for determining readiness to have sex. You may feel ready to have sex, but that doesn’t change the fact that sex outside of marriage is wrong. 3. “Joined-at-the-hip” Dating Many dating relationships evolve into serious, long-term relationships that, in reality, emulate marriage. Often a couple will give up time previously spent with friends in order to spend more time together. Girls especially are attracted to dating relationships that emulate marriage because of their natural desire for romance and love. This type of “joined-at-the-hip” relationship almost always leads to physical intimacy due to the amount of time spent together. I am amazed at Christian mothers who facilitate this sort of relationship by allowing their daughters to spend too much time alone with their boyfriends. I realize that there are some serious Christian dating relationships among high school students who are mature in the faith that remain innocent and sexually pure, but they are the exception, not the rule, I have openly shared with my two older children my regret of having been involved in a serious “joined-at-the-hip” dating relationship for over two years of my high school years. We spend almost every waking moment together, swapped proclamations of love and eventually gave up our virginity for each other. Even though I was not a Christian, I knew in my heart that sex outside of marriage was wrong. Nevertheless, I justified it because it seemed the next step in a marriage-like relationship. Of course, like so many high school romances, the relationship ended within months of going our separate ways in college. 4. “Mission field” Dating Woe to the young lady who compromises her Christian faith, much less, the faith of another, to date a young man who is not a Christian! Second Corinthians 6:14 cautions against Christians being yoked together with unbelievers (NIV). While the Scripture warns specifically of unequally yoked relationships in marriage, it should be remembered that most marriages are preceded by a dating relationship. If the principle is followed in dating it could spare you much heartache should the relationship lead to marriage. I am amazed at how many Christian girls (and guys) ignore this verse because it would prohibit them from going out with someone who makes their heart beat faster. Many girls innocently enter into dating relationships with non-Christians because they are unaware of 2 Corinthians 6:14. Decide in advance not to date someone who is not a committed Christian. Some Christian girls attempt to justify dating non-Christian boys as a way to be a witness and possibly lead them to faith in Jesus Christ. While it is possible for a Christina girl to lead her non-Christian boyfriend to Christ without her Christian standards being compromised in the process, it is rare. I witnessed a youth speaker illustrate this point by asking a student to stand on a chair. The student represented the Christian in the dating relationship. He then asked another student to come and stand on the ground next to the chair and for the two to clasp hands. The student on the ground represented the non-Christian in the dating relationship. The youth speak asked the student on the chair to attempt to pull the other student up onto the chair, while the other student was told to attempt to pull the Christian student down onto the ground. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how this experiment ended. Am I suggesting that it is wrong to have guy friends who are not Christians? No way. Friends are one thing, but boyfriends are quite another. You will be a more effective light for Christ if you are not tangled up in a relationship with someone who does not know Christ. When it comes to dating, girls should go before God in prayer well in advance of the “going out” stage and ask him for the wisdom needed to come up with a set of standards for dating. If you don’t have a standard, you will most likely embrace the world’s standard when it comes to dating. B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book TeenVirtue c.2005 Click here to purchase TeenVirtue http://broadmanholman.com/productDetail.asp?isbn=0805430563

Google a Sinner

2007-04-05T20:41:55Z

By Vicki Courtney We’ve all done wrong things. But what if our sins were made public for all to see? Believe it of not, some criminals have experienced a dose of public shame as part of sentence for their crimes. Consider this: In Maryland, Texas, Georgia, and California, shoplifters have been required to stand outside stores with signs announcing their crimes. In Florida and Ohio, drunken drivers are issued special license plates that identify them to fellow motorists. In Houston and Corpus Christi, Texas, convicted sex offenders have been ordered to place signs on their front lawns that warn away children. In Pennsylvania, the driver of a car that caused a fatal accident was forced to carry a picture of the victim. In North Carolina, four young offenders who broke into a school and did $60,000 in damage were ordered to wear signs around their necks in public that read “I AM A JUVENILLE CRIMINAL.” In Ohio, two teens who, on Christmas Eve 2002, had defaced a statue of Jesus they stole from a church’s nativity scene, had to deliver a new statue to the church and march through town with a donkey and a sign reading “Sorry for the Jackass Offense.” One can only wonder if the public shame and humiliation deterred these criminals from committing the future crimes. Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t keep a public ledger of our sins? Imagine for a minute what it would be like if you could simply google someone’s name and up popped a link that posted a chronological listing of each and every sin the person in question had committed. Google-a-sinner at your fingertips. Date, time, nature of offense - all available for the public’s viewing pleasure. And imagine how freaky if would be if it also listed the person’s future sins. Imagine how handy the list would be to potential employers, soon-to-wed fiancés, business partners, teachers, parents, and anyone basically looking for revealing information. It might sound appealing if you could google other people’s sin lists, but you sure wouldn’t want anyone to google yours! For grins’ sake, let’s take it a step further. Let’s say that next to each sin, there is a rating form one to one hundred, depending on the severity of the offence. At the top, next to the person’s name is a number that represents the running total average of all the offenses. Similar to those fancy mattress stores that calculate a person’s sleep number, imagine if every person was given a “sin number.” Even more humbling is the thought that each day new sins are added to the top of the list. In fact, for many, just refreshing the page every hour would bring up pages of new sins. Every thought, word, or deed committed that is not pleasing to God. Pretty scary, huh? Fortunately, no one has access to our list of sins except for God. And for the Christian, the Bible is clear on what he does with the sins on that list. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” In case you are wondering how far it is between the east and the west, the two never meet. Holocaust survivor, Corrie Ten Boom, once said that God casts our sins into the deepest ocean and then places a sign in the spot that says, ‘No Fishing Allowed.’ Unfortunately, a lot of people see God as some kind of angry judge who sites behind a fancy mahogany desk with a gavel in hand just waiting to lower the boom on anyone who misbehaves. Some Christians mistakenly believe that God, like some of the judges in the court cases above who made the guilty parties wear signs displaying their wrong doings, wants us to carry the burden and shame of our sins. I’ll admit, the whole concept of a loving God who forgets our sins is a bit heavy to take in. When I became a Christian at the age of twenty-one, I had a hard time believing that God really forgot about my sins and no longer held them against m e. I mean, I had some real biggies on that sin list, and it just seemed to me that he would want me to suffer punishment. I had already suffered the consequences of the many of these sins, but it didn’t seem like enough. So I told others about his wonderful offer of forgiveness to those who believe in the name of Jesus, but deep down inside I wasn’t sure I believed it for myself. There were a couple of sins on my list that haunted me more than all the others. Even after becoming a Christian, I just couldn’t believe that God would really forgive me for these sins. I beat myself up with shave over the years. I’m surprised my knees didn’t buckle from carrying the weight of these sins. And then one day, while attending a Christian women’s event, the speaker shared a verse that I had heard a thousand times before. Something clicked, and God brought that verse to life in my heart. She was sharing about Jesus’ death on the cross and reminded us of his final words on the cross. John 19:30 says, “When he had received the drink, Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit” (NIV). Did you catch that? It is finished. Pretty simple statement but loaded with life-changing meaning. As I was sitting there pondering the meaning and magnitude of that verse, it was as if God spoke these words to my heart: “Vicki, it is finished. The price has been paid. I didn’t footnote my statement with any sort of conditions like, ‘It is finished…unless you have had sex outside of marriage,’ or ‘It is finished…unless you have had an abortion.’ I just said, ‘It is finished.’ I no longer remember these sins. Child, it’s time to lay them down.” And lay them down, I did. I don’t have the luxury of forgetting my sins like God does, but when I remember them, I no longer feel shame. Instead, my shame has been replaced with an overflowing heart of gratitude over what God has done for me. Hebrews 4:16 encourages us to approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Think of a time you needed grace – maybe you committed a sin so atrocious that you still feel uncomfortable at the though of it. Now picture yourself approaching God’s throne of grace. You have an appointment with the King of kings and Lord of lords. He is waiting for you. You begin to approach the great Almighty. Do you walk? Do you run? Do you hang your head low and drag your feet? Once there, what do you day? Your answers to these questions will shed light on how you view God. Do you see him as an angry judge who can’t wait to punish you, or do you see him as a loving Father who is ready and willing to forgive? I am so grateful that I don’t serve a God who would make me parade around town with a sign advertising my sins. I am glad that he does not make my sin list public for all to see. The truth is, every item on that list has been stamped with the word forgiven. What a comforting thought for Christians who have accepted his gift of forgiveness. If such a Google-a-sinner list did exist, anyone trying to access it might just get the message: “Page no longer available. ‘It is finished.’ Love, God.” B&H Publishing Group grants permission to use this excerpt as originally printed in the book TeenVirtue 2 c. 2006. Click to purchase TeenVirtue 2. http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=0805441913