http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/ en Copyright 2010 Thu, 01 Jul 2010 08:00:00 -0600 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss This one's from Grace and she said it was ok for me to post the answer here for those who have the same question. She also said "There are of course other factors that I am considering but this one bothers me. That has 2 sound shallow but...its true." I'm curious as to what the other factors are. If you really know the guy and it's not just the attraction factor then it's a different story. But if he could be a good guy and the physical is keeping you from finding out, then you need to give him a chance...assuming you're dating for the right reasons. That's a big assumption and I could go off on a whole big rant about dating but I'll stick to your question and try to just answer that well. Since God says it's the heart of a person that's more important than the outward appearance, we should hold that view ourselves and try to see what people are really like without assuming a physical attraction or lack of such will tell us all we need to know. I have plenty of friends who were immediately attracted to the guy they wound up dating, or even marrying, only to find out that guy didn't have the qualities that really mattered to them in the long run. It happened to me with a guy I dated in college and it's the one relationship I wish I could go back and undo. In the end it wasn't worth it at all. Too much Hollywood has given us the impression that love happens right away and that a strong physical attraction is the key ingredient to a long lasting relationship. Not true. That same Hollywood is full of attractive couples with off-the-charts physical chemistry who have gone on to ruin, or nearly ruin, each others' lives. Lasting attraction happens over time as we really get to know someone. Infatuation often happens immediately and disappears over time. So if you're ready to date (not just looking for a make-out partner) and you want to date a quality guy, you need to give him a chance and see what he's really like before deciding whether or not he's worth it. Good guys with Godly character become more and more attractive the longer you know them, but you can't see someone's true character by looking at their outsides. http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/07/is_it_bad_to_turn_down_a_guy_b.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/07/is_it_bad_to_turn_down_a_guy_b.html Guys Thu, 01 Jul 2010 08:00:00 -0600 "A guy friend that I've liked for as long as I can remember has been going through an incredibly tough year, and God has allowed me to be an encouragement to him and see his heart, his passions, his pains. In turn, I have also been sharing my not insignificant struggles, and we've kind of been holding each other up, as friends. I'm 18 and have spent a year from home, during which God has taught me so much about himself, and I feel that if this guy were to ask me I would be ready for a relationship. I've sought counsel from a lady in my church, and she thinks that he likes me but suspects he is afraid to ask, because my shyness sometimes makes me mask my feelings. Time could be short; my family is moving at the end of the summer, and though I could do a long-distance relationship, I feel that now may be the time to act. My confusion is this: how do I let him know how I feel about a relationship without taking his leadership or damaging the friendship?" Your first move is always going to be prayer. God knows exactly how He wants this to work out for both of you so talk it out with Him and trust Him to guide you through the process. I would also encourage you to remember that all relationships look different. There is no perfect formula for dating and God loves writing new and different stories every day. If you know the story of Ruth and Boaz you'll remember that at some point Ruth had to make a very bold move so that Boaz would know she was interested in being his wife. If she hadn't done that he probably would have continued thinking she was too young for him... but it was risky, and you need to know up front that there's always the risk of damaging the relationship when either party makes a move in a new direction. It's not against the rules for a girl to let a guy know she's interested and there are ways to do it graciously while keeping your dignity in tact. Never throw yourself at someone in desperation and see if the lady from your church, or someone else you trust who knows both parties, will get involved. Ruth had her mother-in-law on her side, looking out for her best interests. Above all, trust God with this relationship and your future. This may or may not be the man God wants you to marry but only He knows. And keep the proper perspective. Marriage isn't the goal in this life, God is. Our best bet with every decision we make is to hold it loosely and let God lead the way. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/06/how_does_a_godly_girl_properly_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/06/how_does_a_godly_girl_properly_1.html Guys Wed, 02 Jun 2010 18:00:29 -0600 "Hi, my name is Alina and I'm 14 years old! I moved to a new state with my parents, after living in California all my life, in the summer of 2009. Especially since I'm new to high school in a new area, I am very quiet and constantly feel lonely.. My insecurities cause me to feel like people aren't interested in what I have to say. Low self-esteem has affected me for many years, but recently it has taken away my inner happiness. I just want to feel happy, beautiful, and confident on the inside so I can be somebody who makes a difference in the lives of others! I have a strong Christian foundation; I have heard of the term 'God-esteem' to raise your self-confidence, but it's been difficult for me lately to truly understand this wonderful concept.. How can teenage girls improve their self-esteem in a Christian context, amidst an image-obsessed/impure society? " Did you guys know that you are bombarded with more images of beautiful women in one day than your great-grandmothers were in their whole lives? You're also surrounded by a ridiculous amount of mirrors, and a plethora of fashion and make-up options that previous generations never had to deal with. There are literally thousands of businesses out there that work hard to make you feel bad about how you look so that you'll buy their product. Think about it. If you don't feel inadequate in some way you probably won't keep buying more clothes, make-up, hair products, magazines (and on and on) in order to feel better about how you look or fit in. So how do you fight all these businesses with their big marketing departments designed to prey on your weaknesses? You go old school and stop playing their game. If you think about this world like it's one giant battlefield and your life is one small but significant battle in the middle of an ongoing war, it helps you to see what's happening around you for what it really is. The devil is out to steal, kill and destroy, and a big way to get that done is to get us all so focused on ourselves and miserable that we're disqualified from the battle. If we're obsessed with ourselves it means we're not loving God with all we've got and definitely not loving our neighbor as ourselves. Most likely it means we're depressed and anxious and constantly comparing ourselves to the people around us, which just makes us more depressed and anxious and self-involved. Here's how I think we stop playing the world's game and really win this battle. First, we recognize that we were created by a good, loving God who didn't need us but wanted us anyway. He made us the way we are, and put us here in this time and place for a reason. That means there is a purpose for my life beyond myself so I should probably stop spending so much time thinking about myself. It means I trust that I am very dear to God and that He knew what He was doing when He made me. Second, we throw out those things in our lives that feed our self-focus and stop giving the devil so much freedom with our thoughts. We lay off the TV and magazines and internet sites that are doing way more harm than good and replace them with things that encourage and build us up. Start spending more time reading about Jesus' life and what He did with His time on this earth. He's the blueprint for how we're supposed to be living and He didn't worry about what He was going to eat or wear or how He looked. He just loved like crazy and poured Himself out on others as much as He possibly could. Third, we try to start thinking of others as much as we do ourselves. There are 147 million orphans in this world, what can you do to help them out? There are elderly people stuck in nursing homes all over this country who are lonely and without hope. Can you visit them? Maybe take them some cookies? Maybe we stop treating shopping as a hobby and start going through our stuff and giving away what we don't really need to those who do need it. Get a friend involved and do something together, but work hard to think of others and pour your life out on them instead of wasting it thinking only about yourself. Hold each other accountable and see what God can do with someone whose heart is completely His. I heard a story once of a man who always bought two of everything. One for himself and one for someone else in need. That way he didn't blow his money on things he didn't really need and it was his way of loving others as much as he loved himself. Pretty cool idea. This world lies to us on a daily basis and has only our destruction in mind. The truth is that we're beautiful in the eyes of the One who matters most and He created us with a purpose in mind. It's also true that the world doesn't care about us at all so why should we work so hard to live up to its messed up ideals? We are daughters of the King and are here fighting on the side of all that is good. Let's go out and live like it. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/04/how_can_teenage_girls_improve.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/04/how_can_teenage_girls_improve.html Body/Beauty Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:49:39 -0600 "I know God says to honor my mom and dad, but how do i do that if they are getting a divorce? My dad has lied to both my mother and I my whole life, and continues to lie, and hurts both of us, knowing what he is doing. He will not pay the child support like he is supposed to, so we sometimes run very low on money. It is not fair to my mom, who gave up over 20 years to this man who is my supposed "father". I have no idea how to act in this situation, and I have been diagnosed with severe depression, ADD, and severe anxiety disorders. I need to figure out how to help myself, because I know medicine will not last forever, and one day, i want to be walked down the aisle. I just need some advice on how others would take this situation in their lives. It is very frustrating! Please help?" I wanted to answer this one on the website because with the divorce rates as high as they are, I'm sure a lot of you are dealing with this to some degree. The whole "honor your father and mother" thing actually started with the ten commandments in Exodus 20, so if God thought it was a big enough deal to put in the big 10 then we need to treat it like it's a big deal. The tricky part is when God tells us to love and honor people who don't seem to deserve it...which he does all through scripture. In the new testament Jesus went so far as to tell us to love our enemies, so how do we do that? I think that step one is to recognize that what God is asking us to do is something He does for us on a daily basis. We don't deserve the love and forgiveness and honor He pours out on us everyday but He continues to pour it out generously and without complaining. Then He asks us to turn around and love each other, not because we deserve it, but because He loves us like that. Every person in your life will disappoint you at some time simply because we're sinners at heart and tend to live selfishly, but God asks us to follow Jesus' example and think of others as better than ourselves. How you treat others says more about your character than it does about theirs so in this situation you take the high road and show them mercy and kindness. The only way to do that is to pray constantly that the Holy Spirit helps you honor them, because it's really not in us to love and honor the people who have hurt us the most. Pray that you look and act more like Jesus every day. Pray that God rescues and changes your parents and this situation. Pray that you can forgive the hurt that your dad has caused and not carry this with you throughout your life. I know from personal experience that God can set you free from depression and anxiety and hurt and anger better than any drug known to man. He's in the business of setting people free...permanently. Talk to him constantly and beg for the peace and freedom that He promises. The more we love God and trust His Spirit to work things out in us, the easier it is to do the things He asks us to do and the more peaceful our lives become. Honoring your parents means you treat them with respect and kindness, not that you agree with everything they're doing. You don't have the power to change this situation but God does, and life gets so much easier when we put all our faith in Him to work things out instead of trying to fix them ourselves. If you're stuck and could use more help, Vicki highly recommends the book “Total Forgiveness” by R.T. Kendall. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/03/know_god_says_to_honor_my_mom.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/03/know_god_says_to_honor_my_mom.html Family Tue, 30 Mar 2010 22:11:50 -0600 What's wrong with catholics? they believe in Jesus rite? I'm not a catholic, but my church follows may of their traditions. Also, some of my friends are catholic and she appears to be very on fire and close 2 jesus. same goes for my friend who is mormon, but thats another topic. Please help me uderstand why everyone doesnt consider catholics to be christian." This whole Catholic vs. Protestant thing can be very confusing and people have died and killed over this very issue. Here's the short answer. Some Catholics definitely are Christians just like some Baptists are Christian, and some Lutherans are Christians, and some Evangelicals are Christians, and on and on and on (The Mormon church is a different issue all together and we won't get into that here but by their own definition they are not Christian). It's not the church you go to or even going to church that makes you a Christian, it's what you actually believe. Truly being a Christian means you believe, repent, and follow. Believe that you're a sinner who needs to be saved and Jesus is the only one who can save you. Repent (or confess that you're a sinner and turn from the life you've lived without Him) and then follow Him wherever He takes you. When Jesus was here he called people to simply follow Him, and in order to follow Him you have to know Him and trust Him with your life. Being a part of a church should help you see Jesus more clearly so you can follow Him better, but church itself doesn't save anyone. The point was never to say a certain prayer, go to a certain church, or be baptized by a certain group of people. Those are all works that have no power to save, but seeing Jesus for who He really is, turning from a life lived without Him, and following Him is the real test of salvation. Mother Teresa was a great example of someone who was part of the Catholic church and proved with her life that she was a Christian. She adored Jesus and followed Him beautifully. He said to take care of widows and orphans and she did. He said to feed the hungry, and visit the sick, and love your neighbor, and she did. And from her writings it sounds like she did it all because she was crazy about Jesus and saw His face in every leper and orphan and unwanted person she came across, not because she belonged to a certain church or was trying to win the approval or applause of men. Not everyone who goes to church and calls themselves a Christian really is one, and every church out there is getting something wrong to one degree or another. I think it must break God's heart to see His kids use our different denominations to fight with and pick on each other instead of working together for God's purposes and His glory. Jesus came to show us what it looks like to belong to Him and live like a Christian (which really means "little Christ"), and He said in John 13:34-35 that people will know we are His by how we love each other. According to that verse, the test for who is and who isn't really a Christian isn't the church they belong to or how many bible studies they attend, it's how much they love and look like Jesus. He also said in 1 John 4:20 that if we say we love God but turn around and hate the people around us, we're liars and not what we claim to be. I've heard it said that you act out what you really believe instead of what you say you believe. Hopefully, for all God's kids, our lives show the world that we are exactly who we claim to be and not just a bunch of hypocrites with a nice label.]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/03/are_catholics_christian.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/03/are_catholics_christian.html God/Bible questions Mon, 01 Mar 2010 08:00:00 -0600 I feel like I say the same thing over and over to you guys but it's important so I'm going to say it again and hope you don't have to learn this the hard way like I did. In Isaiah 43:7 God tells us that all who are called by His Name (who belong to Him) have been created for His glory...not for each other. We've bought into this Hollywood idea that there's someone out there who was created just for us, that we were made for each other, but it's not true biblically and when we believe it we put all our hopes and dreams on finding that one person. Then before you know it your heart belongs to the dream of someone instead of to the One who loves you so much He died for you. But there's a lot of room for disappointment and heartache in that belief. Like what if you search and search but never find that person? Or what if you marry someone you thought was "the one" but then he turns out to be a mess or a jerk or just an ordinary guy who doesn't live up to your expectations? As a good friend of mine recently said "God never intended for our happiness to depend on someone so fickle as another person". God might have marriage in your future, and if so He already knows who you'll marry, but He never meant for you to look to a person to make you whole, only Jesus can do that. So when you say you're wanting to know if you've found "the one" I want to know what you mean by that. Do you mean the one who will "complete you" (nobody out there can do that) or do you mean the one you think you might want to marry someday? If you've met someone you think is special and that you might end up married to them there are a few things you can do to help you walk through the relationship in a healthy way. First remember that your heart is "deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jeremiah 17:9) so you can't trust your feelings to navigate this but you can trust God to guide you in the path He has for you. That means you're going to have to pursue Him more than you pursue your relationship with this guy. Over and over in the Bible God tells us to seek Him and live, to pursue Him above all things, to love Him most and let Him take care of the rest. It also says that He is jealous for our affections because He's more deserving of our hearts than anyone or anything else. He's the true love we're all so desperately looking for and He's the only one who has our best interest at heart. He's also the only one who knows your future so if you're wanting to know if this guy is worth getting to know better or spending time with, only God can walk you through that. Talk to Him everyday about everything. Jesus is the one person it's safe to be completely open and honest with so go for it. Open up to Him about this guy and your hopes and dreams and ask Him to open your eyes and ears so you can see and hear Him louder than the world around you and your own heart. Read your Bible in order to learn more about this incredible God who adores you instead of reading it because it's on your list of "Christian" things to do. Pursue Jesus like your heart tells you to pursue this guy and see where He takes you. Second, get someone involved who knows you and loves you and will be honest with you about this guy and the relationship. If you have a friend who loves Jesus and can speak biblical truth to you, they can help you keep your head on straight when your emotions and/or hormones want to take over. That's what we're here for - the church is supposed to be one big family that looks out for each other as we help each other stay faithful to Jesus and follow Him. Above all things remember what God says in Amos 5:4 - "Seek Me and LIVE!!" Nobody else can make that promise and follow through on it. http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/01/i_have_met_a_guy_who_i_think_h.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/01/i_have_met_a_guy_who_i_think_h.html Guys Fri, 01 Jan 2010 15:52:41 -0600 1 Corinthians 13 you realize that very few of us really love people the way God hopes we will. True love is more selfless and looks out for the good of the other person instead of getting caught up in all the emotion and becoming obsessed with them because of how they make us feel. That's why stories like Twilight and Romeo & Juliet can be so dangerous. What those characters have isn't love, it's an obsessive, destructive infatuation with another person where the desire for that person is uncontrollable and harmful to both parties. And yes, I do believe it's possible for people of all ages to find themselves trapped in something like that. They key is to be able to distinguish real love from other emotions that pretend to be love. If there's an element of desperation in your relationship with someone or if you're lost and want to die without them, what you have is a dark shadow of what God intended, and it will probably lead to a lot of pain in one or both of your lives. Love, on the other hand, isn't grasping or desperate, and looks out for the other person instead of trying to consume them. It also leaves us free to be ourselves and love God wholeheartedly. To sum up, I don't believe that anybody really falls in love like in fairy tales, but it is possible for someone who is 13 or 14 to truly care about another person and want what is best for them, and that is the true foundation of a loving relationship. I have several friends who ended up marrying someone they had known since junior high or even grade school, and one reason their marriages have worked out so well is that they had a true friendship to base something more romantic on later in life. I would also caution you that it is possible for anyone, whether they're 13 or 31, to fall head over heals into a dangerous relationship, based on hormones and emotions, that leaves them worse off when it's over than they ever were before. Only Jesus is worth obsessing over and there are places in our hearts where only He belongs. Be careful not to fall for the world's version of love - it will leave you broken and hopeless. Here are two very key pieces of advice when it comes to love and relationships, straight from God Himself. First - "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23) and second "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (Song of Solomon 2:7) - which means don't go throwing yourself at boys because you think they'll make everything better. You're worth more than that, start believing it and trust God with the rest.]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/12/is_it_possible_2_fall_in_love_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/12/is_it_possible_2_fall_in_love_1.html Guys Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:00:00 -0600 "What is your view on baptism? I have been baptized as a baby, but I feel like that wasn't me making the decision. My parents are strict Methodists and they think that if I get baptized again then it would be disrespectful or.....just not good and against their beliefs. I've tried to get them to listen and realize that I'm serious about this and that it isnt just some teenage rebillion or whim and that i've thought about this for a long time, but that gets them even more upset. Then there is the other half of my family that is baptist and they act like i might go to hell if i'm not baptized or that i havent done something right, that doesnt seem right to me either. I talked to my youth minister about it and she told me a little bit about what her church believes. However, my parents disagree with a lot of things my youth minister says purely because she is non-denominational, and i rarely get to go to youth group and see her.My youth minister said i might have to wait until i leave my parents house to do this, but i want some information about it too so i can know that im making this decision becuase of what i believe...not my parents denomination. I don't want to cause a family uproar if i do decide to get baptized, but i need to do whats right for ME for a change...and right now that means getting as unbiased information as i can. So please please PLZ could you give some bible verses or advice or something to help me. Thank you" This is a very touchy topic with a lot of people and some churches are even willing to die on this hill so you're not alone in your battle but you're definitely in a tough spot. I want to congratulate you on where you are right now, on working this out and coming to a place of obedience and owning your faith instead of relying on what others tell you. The hard part will be following Jesus as He leads you when your parents disagree with where He's taking you. You need to honor your parents but live to please God and not people. Here's what I believe about baptism from my own study of it. Biblically, there's no support for infant baptisms. I think people want to believe that they can do something to save their kids when they're little so they have them baptized and believe that it will somehow cover them for life. You can't force a baptism on someone else because it's the heart behind the act that gives it meaning, and for the baby who's baptized it's just another bath or rain shower (depending on how it's done). Biblically, baptism is a public statement that you're leaving your old sinful life behind and starting fresh and clean because of what Jesus did for you. It signifies dying to who you used to be and becoming a new person by the Spirit of God and it's not a decision someone else can make for you no matter what age you are. In the church today there are an awful lot of rules made by man that have twisted themselves around the truth, but in reality they aren't that important to God. This is why we have so many different denominations of what is supposed to be one unified church, and I think that's what you're battling with your parents. They have learned that your baptism as a baby was something special and that you'll be dishonoring them and/or the church by doing it again on your own. The real problem with that thinking is that we're not supposed to live to please people or our church because they tend to get a lot of things wrong, we're supposed to live to please God Himself. If you can have a respectful conversation with your parents, explaining why you want to be baptized and maybe ask them to show you biblically why they think it's wrong, then go ahead and see if they'll engage you that way. Maybe you'll all learn something new. I also don't believe that baptism is a deal breaker although some people will tell you it is. What I mean is that you can know Jesus, love Jesus, and be saved without being baptized. This is where the story of the thief on the cross is so enlightening (I can't tell you how thankful I am for that story). Here's a man who has only a few hours left to live and has not lived well up to this point, but in the last moments he sees Jesus for who He really is and puts his faith in Him, and it's enough. Jesus doesn't say "Well if we could get down from here I could baptize you and you would be in, but since we're both stuck up here you're doomed." Instead He says "Today you will be with me in paradise" because it's knowing Jesus that saves us, not what we do because we THINK we know Him. If we're saved by what we do then we're saved by works and not by faith and that goes against everything Jesus taught and makes His death unnecessary. Having said that, I do think that being baptized is important or it wouldn't be a command and Jesus wouldn't have done it Himself, even though He never sinned and didn't have a life of sin to leave behind. For Him it seems to have marked the point in His life where He went from being Jesus the Carpenter to Jesus the Teacher, the Discipler of Men, and the Ultimate Sacrifice. So if I'm trying to follow Jesus, why not follow Him in this too? Why not say out loud to the world that I'm a new person and my life is forever changed because of what Jesus did for me? In the New Testament it was expected that those who believed would be baptized because it was a sign of their belief, but it wasn't the baptism that saved them, it was the belief. If the Lord is urging you to be baptized then follow His leading, but talk with your parents and be willing to humbly walk through the Bible with them in order to figure this out. God's expectation of us with our parents is that we always be respectful and loving toward them even when we disagree. Keep in mind that even Jesus did things that His parents disagreed with (like disappearing when He was 12 and freaking the whole family out) because His heart was set on God but don't let the devil ruin your relationship with your folks. Remember that God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28) - so He can bring something good out of this frustrating situation. Just trust Him and walk where He leads you and never be afraid to shout to the world that you follow a God who saves. Hope that helps! I'll be praying for you. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/11/what_is_your_view_on_baptism.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/11/what_is_your_view_on_baptism.html Spiritual Growth Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:02:31 -0600 "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." So we do a little personal inventory, which we should be doing regularly to make sure we're on the right path instead of wandering like idiots all over the place. I'm prone to wander...and sometimes to idiocy. To figure out what you treasure most, ask yourself what you think about the most. What do you spend most of your time, energy and money on? What do you get most excited about and talk with others most about? When we love someone or something we can't help talking about them or it. Do you find yourself thinking and talking about God more than anything else or do you forget Him for most of the day and go about your business? That should narrow it down to what you really treasure and from there you just have to make a decision. If Jesus isn't your treasure, do you want Him to be? Because if you really want to love Him most He can help you get there, all you have to do is ask and keep asking. Be persistent. He loves persistence and a heart that wants to know Him. And the great news is that He can see what's really happening in your soul, way under all the crud, so don't get depressed because you're not where you think you should be, and don't compare yourself to others. Just get really really honest with Him and ask Him to guide you out of the crud and into the clear where you can see Him. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/10/how_do_i_know_when_i_love_god.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/10/how_do_i_know_when_i_love_god.html Spiritual Growth Thu, 01 Oct 2009 08:00:00 -0600 Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" Basically Jesus is talking to people who call themselves Christians but never really know and follow Him. They never put into practice what He calls us all to, which, contrary to popular belief, isn't joining the youth group, being in a Bible study and sitting in judgment on the rest of the world. What He really asks of us is that we love Him the most, trust Him with our lives and follow Him. You might need to really think that one through because what He's asking you to do is give up your rights to yourself and the life you think you want or deserve, and choose whatever He has planned instead. It's much easier to give ourselves the title "Christian" and then live however we please but I don't see anywhere in the Bible where living like that means we're saved. We can't say we follow Jesus but pick and choose what we want to believe or obey. As a matter of fact, how you live shows what you really believe regardless of what you say. I think you're asking this question because deep in your heart you want to be real. You want to really love Jesus and not just play the game that so many of us are playing or have played in the past. You can show what it's really about just by really doing it. Start with a soul check and see if you really believe what you say you believe. Several years ago when my mom was diagnosed with a fatal disease God asked me if I loved Him enough to trust Him with what was happening and my answer was honestly "no way". That was the first time I realized I didn't really believe what I said I did. That I didn't really love the God who asked me to love Him more than I loved my mom. It was also the beginning of a real intimate relationship with Him and the end of just playing church. Once you find out what you really believe, move toward Jesus and as you move closer to Him your life should show the people around you what it really looks like to be a Christian. Talk to Him as much as possible and be really honest. Really dig for what He has to say about Himself in the Bible. You don't have the ability to change anyone but yourself, so get honest with God and hand Him your whole life and watch what the Holy Spirit can do. I am reminded often that on my own I can do nothing, but if I lose myself in Jesus my whole life can become this incredible picture of Him to the world because He shines much much brighter than I ever could.]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/09/i_see_so_many_christians_at_my_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/09/i_see_so_many_christians_at_my_1.html Life Tue, 01 Sep 2009 08:00:00 -0600 "I'm really into marval comic books characters. And recently I've been thinking of these characters that are perfect for marval but not 2 good for God. I like these characters and I like drawing them but I want to do whats right in God's sight. I'm caught between what I like and whats right, what can I do?" I think there will always be the pull to use our gifts and talents for the wrong reasons because we're sinners by nature, and the draw towards darkness is pretty strong (the devil is a pro at making the dark seem very appealing). God created art and dance and music and singing and acting - and everything He created was meant to point people to Him. The reason for all of it is to make Him famous and shine a spotlight on Him. I think that things generally go wrong for one of two reasons. Either we're more interested in our own fame and glory than in His so we use our talents to shine the light on ourselves, or we're so drawn by the dark side of our gifts that we let ourselves get pulled away from God and we let the devil use those gifts for his own purposes. Both situations end up destroying us in the end. I was a theater major in college and made a living acting for a little while, and at one point I actually dismissed God because I knew that I was interested in making myself famous and that He wouldn't be on board for that. Worst decision ever...never never never do that. I managed to entrench myself in the gutter completely before I got desperate enough to ask Him to come save me from myself. So from my own experience here's how I would answer your question. If God has given you a talent, He has also provided a way for you to use it for His glory. If you love drawing comic book characters then do it but do it with Jesus in mind. Talk to Him about it and move in the direction He points you. He's the ultimate Superhero you know. Any power anyone has ever thought up, He has already mastered. The greatest story ever told is the story of how God made Himself man in order to save an entire planet by sacrificing Himself for everyone on it. And then, because He's got all the power in the world, He came back from the dead to continue to help us. What this world (and Marvel comics) needs is the return of true heroes and not just glorified monsters. Remember that you have been set apart by God for His purposes and you're supposed to be engaged in the world but not become like the world. Use your gifts with Jesus in mind and create characters that look different but shine brightly in this dark world. Someone might just see your work and meet Jesus there. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/08/how_do_i_use_my_talents_for_go_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/08/how_do_i_use_my_talents_for_go_1.html Life Sat, 01 Aug 2009 13:00:08 -0600 I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. - Revelations 19:11-12 Jesus is the original White Knight and He's promised to come and get us out of this mess. And I can't think of anything more exciting than that. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/06/lately_i_have_been_hearing_abo.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/06/lately_i_have_been_hearing_abo.html Life Tue, 16 Jun 2009 17:27:17 -0600 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Galatians 1:10 - Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Have you ever gotten so into a relationship (whether it's friend, family or boyfriend) that you feel like you've lost yourself? Then, when the relationship ends for whatever reason, it feels like all the joy has been sucked out of your life? That's what Proverbs 4:23 is talking about. Whoever or whatever we love the most has control of our heart, and the only one who can be trusted with our hearts is Jesus. He's the only one who said He would never leave us and He's the only one who loves us unconditionally, meaning there's absolutely nothing you can do that will make Him stop loving you. Then He goes on to say in Galatians 1:10 that either you live to please people or you live to please God, but the minute you start living for people you stop being His servant. You stop following Him and start following whoever it is you're trying to make happy. He never intended for us to love the people around us more than we do Him, and He never intended for us to be controlled by them. There's only misery there, because people are infinitely harder to please than God is. So I can give you 4 or 7 or 12 steps to setting boundaries or I can tell you that the one thing that will keep it all in check is if you truly love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Jesus said that the two most important commandments are to love God first and most, and then love others as much as we do ourselves. It's taken decades, but finally I've gotten tired of caring so much what people think and have decided that the only opinion that matters is God's. When He's the most important relationship in my life, the boundaries automatically fall into place because He's the only one I'm concerned about pleasing. He's the one who knows what my life is supposed to look like and the only one who knows what will destroy me in this world, and The Holy Spirit does a much better job of setting up boundaries than I can because He can see what's really happening in and around me. So pray. Pray everyday that God will help you love Him with your whole heart and that He will set Himself up as guard over your heart and your soul. Pray and never give up. There's more power in prayer than you can imagine. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/06/i_am_a_really_big_people_pleas.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/06/i_am_a_really_big_people_pleas.html Life Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:05:32 -0600 This one was taken right off our prayer wall and I think it's worth discussing because I think a lot of people are dealing with this. Here is what I have learned the hard way. If I'm struggling with something and it's not getting better, then I'm probably not really struggling with it. I'm probably feeding it. I'll explain. Let's say this desire to have sex is like a monster that lives in your heart and head. Something in you wants the monster to go away but something else (hello sin nature) kind of likes it and wants it to stick around. So you pray and pray that God will take it away but instead of going away the monster just keeps getting bigger and stronger. What's the deal? You're praying but for some reason God isn't fixing the problem. Has He given up on you or are you not praying right or what? I think the place to start is to look at your actions and see if your actions are working against your prayer. Do you watch sex scenes from your favorite movies over and over? Do you look at things you shouldn't on the internet and TV? Do you let your mind wander into places it shouldn't go instead of taking every thought captive and obedient to Christ like it says in 2 Corinthians 10:5? If you talk about sex with your friends a lot and fill your mind with it via TV, movies, books, and the internet - then you aren't really struggling against it no matter how much you pray. You're feeding the monster and making it stronger so that it has more control over you every day. It's like if you pray that God will make you skinny but you eat 2 boxes of Krispy Kreme a day. Never gonna happen. So my question to you is what are you actually doing, other than praying, to fight this thing? Are you willing to sacrifice the things that keep you focused on sex or romance and shift your focus to Jesus? If you're feeling down on yourself read Romans 7 and you'll see that even Paul had monsters to fight. When Jesus offers us freedom He always requires that we walk away from our sin, that we stop doing those things that are keeping us in chains. He offers Himself in exchange for the monster but you have to let go of the one in order to hold on to the Other. There isn't room in your heart for both. And remember this - some battles are long and hard but don't ever give up because in the end Jesus always wins. http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/05/i_am_really_having_a_problem_w_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/05/i_am_really_having_a_problem_w_1.html Body/Beauty Fri, 01 May 2009 17:00:00 -0600 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." That fear or reverence of God is what keeps us in check if we happen to be charming or beautiful. It's a constant reminder that He knows every motive behind my every move or word. So be charming but do it for the right reasons, and as soon as you notice you're playing people... knock it off. The goal is not that everyone loves you and thinks you're great but that they think Jesus is great because of how you live. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/04/i_understand_that_i_shouldnt_s_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2009/04/i_understand_that_i_shouldnt_s_1.html Body/Beauty Wed, 01 Apr 2009 08:00:00 -0600