http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/ en Copyright 2012 Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:40:57 -0600 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss "Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible" I recently hit rock bottom after a series of blows that made me want to walk away from God. I was so tired of bad things happening that I started believing every lie I was hearing about who God is instead of focusing on the truth. It wasn't until I broke down with my friends and opened up about what was going on that I started to get better. They spoke the truth to me and loved me which was all I needed to get back up and keep going. The goal is to bring things into the light so we can see them clearly and fight them well. I'm praying that God will lead you to the right person and for the strength you need to be really honest with them.]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/11/ive_been_fighting_a_secret_sin.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/11/ive_been_fighting_a_secret_sin.html Life Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:40:57 -0600 "im 16 and i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. we havent had sex and both of us are virgins. but.. we have played around. i really want us both to get purity rings and we have both agreed to wait till marriage. is it okay to get a purity ring although we have played around a bit?" Answer: It comes down to motives. Why do you want a purity ring? A purity ring won't make you pure or keep you pure, it simply signifies that you intend to pursue purity in your physical relationships because you understand that you were bought with a price and that your body, as well as your soul, belongs to Jesus. Purity in relationships means you run from all things immoral or impure...including playing around. So are you willing to stop playing around? Not for the sake of getting a ring but for the sake of the One who loves you more that any boyfriend ever will. If you long for purity and are willing to make the changes in your relationship that support that longing (which means you not only quit playing around, but you ask forgiveness for any areas of sin in your relationship, and ask for help so you don't go there again) then go ahead and get the rings. But if you just like the rings and don't feel the need to change anything in your relationship, I would say don't get them. Remember - a purity pledge is between you and God, not you and the world - and since He sees everything you do and knows the desires of your heart, it's not possible to pull one over on Him. He doesn't take any joy in us making promises we have no intention of keeping. I do love that you asked the question though. It shows that you know everything isn't right in your relationship and that you're hearing the Spirit as He nudges you toward holiness. We underestimate purity more than I think most of us realize. Matthew 5:8 says "blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God". In all of our playing around, we've traded momentary fun with someone who doesn't really love us (human love is always tainted with selfishness) for the visible presence of the One who truly does. C.S. Lewis said it best when he said: "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/08/is_it_okay_to_get_a_purity_rin_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/08/is_it_okay_to_get_a_purity_rin_1.html Guys Mon, 15 Aug 2011 14:21:29 -0600 That's a tough one. And I don't mean it's hard to answer, it just hard to do the right thing because feelings are involved. We are much too easily led by our emotions when it comes to relationships, so I'm going to give you the answer I think the Bible gives us and it's up to you to ask God for the power to do it. I'm sure you've heard that God has commanded us to honor our parents (Deuteronomy 20:12) but you might wonder what exactly that means. To honor someone means you treat them respectfully because of who they are, not because they're perfect. What God didn't command is that you agree with everything your parents say or blindly obey everything they ask you to do. Don't get too excited, I'm not going to tell you to go ahead and date the boy, so keep reading. The truth is that all of our parents are sinners (like us) and they make mistakes. Sometimes they make big mistakes, and sometimes they ask us to do things that we know God wouldn't want us to do. In that case, when you would have to offend God in order to obey your parents, you should respectfully decline. In the same way, He asks us to obey our leaders, but when our leaders ask us to do something offensive to the heart of God, we should, again, respectfully decline. For a beautiful picture of this you should read the stories of Daniel and his friends, Rack, Shack and Benny, in the book of Daniel (LOVE those men!). Now the question becomes, is what your parents are asking of you offensive to the heart of God? Keeping in mind that they're older than you so they have wisdom you don't, and I'm assuming they love you, and (I realize I don't know them) that they have your best interests at heart. If all that is true, there has to be a good reason they're saying "no" to this relationship. My advice to you would be to RESPECTFULLY talk with them about it. Find out where they're coming from, if they'll talk with you, and LISTEN to them. Treating people with honor or respect means you listen when they speak and you assume the best of them. Find out what their concerns are so you can see the bigger picture that they're seeing. When our hearts are caught up in something, we often can't see the danger that's right in front of us, but those around us can. I know this won't work all the time with all parents. Some parents aren't going to want to discuss it, they'll just want you to obey - and for someone like me, that's enough to drive me over the edge. More than once I'm sure I heard "Because I said so!" from my parents as their final answer to a disagreement, and every time I'm sure I responded badly. What I finally learned was that in order for my parents to treat me like an adult, I needed to act like one. That meant no more fits, or screaming rages, breaking things in the basement (I seriously was that kid), or stomping off to my room in a huff. The way I respond to authority I disagree with says a world about my character...or lack of it. Once you've talked, civilly and respectfully, if you still disagree with them, you need to obey them in this. Simply because that's what God has asked you to do. And remember, just because it's a "no" today, doesn't mean it will be next time. http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/07/what_if_you_reallly_like_this.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/07/what_if_you_reallly_like_this.html Guys Fri, 01 Jul 2011 08:00:00 -0600 What if I date a guy that is prefect for me and he is Christ like but he can't handle just one kiss and stuff? Or he has had past relationships that didn't have ANY boundaries but he says he has changed. And he says he has new boundaries. How do I know for sure? Also what if I have a urge to go a little farther then kissing with my boyfriend but I know Its to far. What can I do to stop the temptation in that moment? Walk away, pray with the boyfriend, or talk to him about how I feel and see what he thinks?" The truth as I have seen it is that a kiss leads to much more than a kiss 99% of the time. It's a rare person, and I think I've only known one in my entire life, who can kiss and just leave it at that. We've been designed in such a way that kissing is just sort of the gateway to other physical intimacies, and because of that it's much riskier behavior that most people realize. Especially if it's done in the dark, alone at night, or holed up somewhere by yourselves where nobody can hold you accountable. Then you're just asking for it. They've also found that however far you've gone physically in a previous relationship will become your default starting point in the next. Like if you started holding hands, then went to kissing, then into full on make-out mode, you'll want to start the next relationship in make-out mode instead of back at hand holding. So if your boyfriend has gone really far before but says he's changed, the truth is that his body might not follow in line with what his mouth is saying. My honest belief is that kissing is generally too far for most relationships, because most people don't have the desire or strength to do the right thing when the wrong thing is so much fun. I do know a couple who started kissing early in their relationship but the guy found it so hard to control himself that they had to set the boundary back at hand holding and didn't kiss again until their wedding day. That's a rare gem of a guy and I wish there were more of them out there. If you're dating, it's a good idea to have the boundaries talk at the beginning of the relationship before you've both gone too far, but even if you HAVE gone too far, back up and start the conversation now before it's too late. Some people will tell you to wait for the guy to initiate but he may have no intention of going there, so get it started yourself and if he continues to push past the boundaries you've set then you need to walk away. I promise you it won't be worth it in the end. And if you have the desire to go further than you know is wise, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to that voice telling you to back it up and DO IT. I have wished so many times I had listened when the Holy Spirit told me to run from a relationship, but instead I dove in head first and gave way too much to a guy who didn't really love me after all. In everything we do we're supposed to put Christ first, not our own desires. Boundaries recognize that you belong first to Jesus who paid for you with His own life, and help you live a life that's pleasing to Him. If I were to do it over again here are the boundaries I would set for myself in dating: 1) Holding hands is fine... I just sat here forever looking at that and wondering what #2 would be but there really isn't one. In every dating relationship I've had I would take back the kissing and the big stuff if I could because it just wasn't worth it. Have you seen the movie That Thing You Do? Liv Tyler has one of the best lines ever in that movie when she realizes that the guy she's given herself to and loved is really a jerk who cares more about himself than her. She says "I've wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you"...that's it exactly. Kisses are a bigger deal than people realize and they aren't worth wasting on anyone who isn't sticking around for good. So talk to him. Set boundaries that would please God and then stick to them like your life depends on it. If the guy is really worth it he won't pressure you to give away those things that don't belong to him and are precious to God. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/03/boundaries_in_dating_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/03/boundaries_in_dating_1.html Guys Tue, 01 Mar 2011 08:00:00 -0600 "They always say they are better and how "we" sinned first because Eve ate the apple first, and how we aren't as good as them in sports, games, grades, etc. They go on and on about pretty much that they are better in general, (and sometimes I've heard that we're just here to serve them!??)". She went on to say that it hurts her feelings and makes her angry but she's so confused about how the relationship between men and women is supposed to go Biblically that she doesn't know how to respond. Do we submit or not? Are we here to serve them and are we just supposed to take it when they spout stuff like that and then throw scripture at us? Ultimately, the question is really did God create us as a "lesser" partner who's just supposed to bow down to the wishes of the "greater" partner? Short answer - NO. And now a little detail to back that up. First, I want to start by saying that any guy who acts like this doesn't know what he's talking about and is taking Bible verses out of context without knowing what they mean. Like when it says in 1 Peter that women are a weaker vessel, the most accurate translation is that we are to be treated like porcelain or fine china, with care and respect. The verse also goes on to say "show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" which is definitely not what these guys are doing. Biblically Adam was held responsible by God for the first sin because he was supposed to be in charge and he stood there like a doofus and did exactly what Eve asked him to. Both sinned, and both suffered but God put the blame on Adam - who are these guys to think they know better than God? Second, I think it's very important that you guys realize that God is not asking you to respond to all men like you would to a husband, so those passages that are talking about wives submitting to husbands don't apply at all when it comes to your relationships with guys at school or even boyfriends. There are too many men out there who would take advantage of any women who gives in to anything he says and, knowing that, God designed marriage to operate differently than all other relationships. Within marriage the man is supposed to sacrificially, gently and humbly serve His wife, even to point of laying down his life for her, and the woman is supposed to respectfully submit to THAT kind of servant leadership. He's supposed to use Christ as his example instead of bossing his wife around and forcing his will on everyone in the house. That's not leadership - it's just being a jerk. As a single person I submit first and foremost to Christ and then to my Dad as my Dad, but nothing trumps Jesus. And I'm very careful about those people I choose to submit to in this life, even the pastors I listen to. Too many people have blindly followed monsters to their death because they thought they were required to submit to them when they weren't. When it comes to equality and whether or not we're just here to "serve" men; Biblically it teaches that men and women were created equally by God to complement each not, not to compete with or wait on each other. We each display different qualities of God and when we work together the outcome is generally much better than when one team goes at it alone. There are some things men will do better and some things women will do better. God didn't create women to "serve" men any more than he created men to "rule over" women. The fact that in so much of the world men do rule over women is a result of the curse but it wasn't part of the original set up in the garden. He created women as helpers in the same way the Holy Spirit is a helper to God. Not lesser and not here simply to serve men, but to work together toward the same goal. God's expectation for all of us is that we humble ourselves and submit to each other, not one sex submitting to the other at all times, in all circumstances. There were times in the Bible when God put women in leadership roles (Esther and Deborah for example) so the important thing to remember is that your job is to do exactly what God asks you to and not what every man around you ask you to. Men who take joy in degrading women and trying to use scripture to make themselves seem more important have a lot to learn about what it is to be a man. They aren't looking anything like Jesus and He's as hurt by their behavior as we are. The trick for all of us is to be humble and respond like Jesus would want us to in those moments when the guys around us are being jerks. That's going to take a lot of prayer and help from the Holy Spirit. Women are just as valuable to Jesus as men are, and He doesn't play favorites. Galatians 3:28 says "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" which is exactly how we're supposed to be acting. We, as the church, are supposed to be unified and looking out for each other. Philippians 2 would be a great passage to read through as a reminder to all of us of how we should treat each other. If Jesus Himself didn't walk around acting like He was better than everyone else (and He was), then nobody else has the right to. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/02/what_is_the_bible_saying_about_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/02/what_is_the_bible_saying_about_1.html Guys Tue, 01 Feb 2011 08:00:00 -0600 "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." The soul is the important part, not the package it's wrapped in. Confidence comes down to believing what God has said about you instead of what the world or other people say; so when it comes to confidence, it helps to keep in mind a few important things. God made you how He made you for a reason and all His reasons are good. He made each of us different because He loves diversity and because we each are here for a unique purpose. Among all the billions of people who have ever lived, only you get to play the part of you in this amazing story God is writing. Think of it as a gigantic puzzle where the final picture is Jesus and each piece is of equal importance but none of them look the same. If we all looked the same this would be the most boring puzzle ever created. You are a work in progress just like everyone else. The most important work is happening in your heart on a daily basis, not on the outside. So focus on your heart and what God is doing there and don't get too hung up on how you look or how the world says you should look. The world is wrong more than it's right, and this body of yours is very very temporary but your soul will last forever. You are a child of God who is fearfully and wonderfully made, and if you believe in and follow Jesus, you are the Bride of Christ. Those are two huge titles to walk through this life with. Remind yourself of that every morning before you head out and walk in a manner befitting the King's child and bride. And remember, you're only supposed to be you, not anyone else. Don't let comparison steal your joy as you live the life God has lovingly written for you.]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/01/how_can_i_be_more_confident_an_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2011/01/how_can_i_be_more_confident_an_1.html Body/Beauty Sat, 01 Jan 2011 08:00:00 -0600 We want to give away a new Between Pocket Bible to someone who could really use one for Christmas, so think hard and send in your stories using the comment box below. Make sure you give me the name and address of the girl you have in mind, but don't worry, I won't post it for the whole world to see. And I promise to get it in the mail in time for her to get it before Christmas. Isn't giving gifts a beautiful thing :) Love, Jamie and the crew here at Virtuous Reality]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/12/my_turn_do_you_know_someone_wh.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/12/my_turn_do_you_know_someone_wh.html Friendship Wed, 01 Dec 2010 08:00:00 -0600 "so im really crazy about this guy, but hes four years older than me. his little brother is my best guy friend, and my best friend is in love with him(little brother)! uhhh help? oh and i have a boyfriend who isnt this guy i really really really really like but i still like him. is it terrible to like two different guys? ahhh!!" Liking people is one thing, it's what you do with that like that's the real issue. To be honest you've got a few different problems happening all at once, but I think your "ahhh!!!" means you know that already. 1) The fact that you have a boyfriend means you shouldn't be feeding your likes for other guys or looking around for someone else. Think about it this way - how would you feel if you knew your boyfriend was doing the same to you? Honesty and treating others like you want to be treated are both signs of maturity in relationships, so remind yourself of that when your feelings want to take over and mess everything up. Remember, the heart is deceitful above all things and can't be trusted (Jeremiah 17:9). 2) A four year difference is a pretty big gap when you're a teenager, and sometimes it's an illegal gap. Slow down and take a deep breath. We often build someone up to be a bigger deal than they really are and the age difference can keep you from seeing the real person. It would be a good idea to get your mom's take on things or another adult that you trust. Other people can give you a more objective view of what's really happening and we all need that when it comes to matters of the heart. 3) It sounds like this crush on the older guy could end up destroying three really important relationships for you - your best friend, your best guy friend and your boyfriend. Is it worth it? I'm gonna say no. I really think you have a great opportunity here. An opportunity to grow in self-control and dependence on God. The only thing we're supposed to be obsessed with or controlled by biblically is God Himself, so take all of this to Him and ask Him to help you sort it all out. Ask for self-control and a clear head so you can see what's really going on, and for the strength to do the right thing instead of following your feelings wherever they lead you. The devil is a master at using our feelings to ruin us, so get some Godly advice from someone who knows and loves you, and turn to God for the wisdom to live for Him and not for yourself.]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/11/messy_guy_question.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/11/messy_guy_question.html Guys Mon, 01 Nov 2010 10:32:14 -0600 Here's the full question: "I am going through a lot right now with lots of extra curricular activities, school work, and college applications, so I am sleep deprived and irritable all the time. With pressure coming from every angle, I feel like I am getting closer and closer to having a nervous breakdown. I probably sound insane, but that's really how I feel. Question: Am I the one with the problem? Am I taking things too seriously? Does God really want me to feel like this right now? Please pray for me and help me answer these questions. Thanks" I want to say first that God is for you, not against you, and He doesn't tend of overload us until we have a nervous breakdown...we do that to ourselves. Which is exactly what it sounds like you've done. I don't think you're taking things too seriously, I just think you have too much going on and are losing your coping skills. That's what happens when we try to do too much, especially if the stress messes with our sleeping schedule. Without adequate sleep at night you're bound to lose the ability to deal with even minor things. Did you know that the average teenager needs about 9.5 hours of sleep a night to deal with life in a healthy way? And if you get to bed after midnight, you're more likely to sleep poorly and wake up less refreshed. I think you need to take inventory of everything that's got you so busy and see what you can get rid of. Ask yourself what your motives are for doing everything you're doing and pray about letting go of the stuff that's not really necessary. Being busy doesn't mean you're living a successful life, it often just means you have too much going on. It would probably help to have someone who can be objective look at your schedule with you and help you pare it down. God doesn't want you to be busy and crazy, He just wants you to be His. Along with getting rid of a few things you might try setting a bedtime for yourself and asking your mom or dad to help you stick to it. Also, turn in your cell phone to you parents at night if you get a lot of texts or calls that keep you up late or wake you up in the middle of the night. And pray. All the time about everything. God has made Himself available to us 24/7 and tells us to bug Him about everything so take Him up on it. http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/10/does_god_want_me_sleep_deprive.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/10/does_god_want_me_sleep_deprive.html Life Fri, 01 Oct 2010 08:00:04 -0600 To be honest I can't fully answer your question because I don't have enough information. What religion is he? And why does his religion keep him from telling you he likes you? Sometimes it's ok to let on that you like someone and sometimes it isn't. As much as we like formulas there really aren't many that apply to all people in all situations. Especially when it comes to relationships. So my first question is, are you both Christians? From there we can start to answer your question. If you want to talk this one out, go ahead and give me as much info as you can and we'll start there. And remember to pray and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you in this. He's got all the info already and knows exactly how to handle all situations which makes Him the Go-To Guy in everything. http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/08/please_help_metheres_this_guy_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/08/please_help_metheres_this_guy_1.html Guys Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:26:39 -0600 "To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." So hold tight to His teaching - you are chosen, you are forgiven, you are loved and really BELIEVE Him. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/08/lets_talk_about_guilt.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/08/lets_talk_about_guilt.html God/Bible questions Sun, 01 Aug 2010 08:00:00 -0600 This one's from Grace and she said it was ok for me to post the answer here for those who have the same question. She also said "There are of course other factors that I am considering but this one bothers me. That has 2 sound shallow but...its true." I'm curious as to what the other factors are. If you really know the guy and it's not just the attraction factor then it's a different story. But if he could be a good guy and the physical is keeping you from finding out, then you need to give him a chance...assuming you're dating for the right reasons. That's a big assumption and I could go off on a whole big rant about dating but I'll stick to your question and try to just answer that well. Since God says it's the heart of a person that's more important than the outward appearance, we should hold that view ourselves and try to see what people are really like without assuming a physical attraction or lack of such will tell us all we need to know. I have plenty of friends who were immediately attracted to the guy they wound up dating, or even marrying, only to find out that guy didn't have the qualities that really mattered to them in the long run. It happened to me with a guy I dated in college and it's the one relationship I wish I could go back and undo. In the end it wasn't worth it at all. Too much Hollywood has given us the impression that love happens right away and that a strong physical attraction is the key ingredient to a long lasting relationship. Not true. That same Hollywood is full of attractive couples with off-the-charts physical chemistry who have gone on to ruin, or nearly ruin, each others' lives. Lasting attraction happens over time as we really get to know someone. Infatuation often happens immediately and disappears over time. So if you're ready to date (not just looking for a make-out partner) and you want to date a quality guy, you need to give him a chance and see what he's really like before deciding whether or not he's worth it. Good guys with Godly character become more and more attractive the longer you know them, but you can't see someone's true character by looking at their outsides. http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/07/is_it_bad_to_turn_down_a_guy_b.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/07/is_it_bad_to_turn_down_a_guy_b.html Guys Thu, 01 Jul 2010 08:00:00 -0600 "A guy friend that I've liked for as long as I can remember has been going through an incredibly tough year, and God has allowed me to be an encouragement to him and see his heart, his passions, his pains. In turn, I have also been sharing my not insignificant struggles, and we've kind of been holding each other up, as friends. I'm 18 and have spent a year from home, during which God has taught me so much about himself, and I feel that if this guy were to ask me I would be ready for a relationship. I've sought counsel from a lady in my church, and she thinks that he likes me but suspects he is afraid to ask, because my shyness sometimes makes me mask my feelings. Time could be short; my family is moving at the end of the summer, and though I could do a long-distance relationship, I feel that now may be the time to act. My confusion is this: how do I let him know how I feel about a relationship without taking his leadership or damaging the friendship?" Your first move is always going to be prayer. God knows exactly how He wants this to work out for both of you so talk it out with Him and trust Him to guide you through the process. I would also encourage you to remember that all relationships look different. There is no perfect formula for dating and God loves writing new and different stories every day. If you know the story of Ruth and Boaz you'll remember that at some point Ruth had to make a very bold move so that Boaz would know she was interested in being his wife. If she hadn't done that he probably would have continued thinking she was too young for him... but it was risky, and you need to know up front that there's always the risk of damaging the relationship when either party makes a move in a new direction. It's not against the rules for a girl to let a guy know she's interested and there are ways to do it graciously while keeping your dignity in tact. Never throw yourself at someone in desperation and see if the lady from your church, or someone else you trust who knows both parties, will get involved. Ruth had her mother-in-law on her side, looking out for her best interests. Above all, trust God with this relationship and your future. This may or may not be the man God wants you to marry but only He knows. And keep the proper perspective. Marriage isn't the goal in this life, God is. Our best bet with every decision we make is to hold it loosely and let God lead the way. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/06/how_does_a_godly_girl_properly_1.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/06/how_does_a_godly_girl_properly_1.html Guys Wed, 02 Jun 2010 18:00:29 -0600 "Hi, my name is Alina and I'm 14 years old! I moved to a new state with my parents, after living in California all my life, in the summer of 2009. Especially since I'm new to high school in a new area, I am very quiet and constantly feel lonely.. My insecurities cause me to feel like people aren't interested in what I have to say. Low self-esteem has affected me for many years, but recently it has taken away my inner happiness. I just want to feel happy, beautiful, and confident on the inside so I can be somebody who makes a difference in the lives of others! I have a strong Christian foundation; I have heard of the term 'God-esteem' to raise your self-confidence, but it's been difficult for me lately to truly understand this wonderful concept.. How can teenage girls improve their self-esteem in a Christian context, amidst an image-obsessed/impure society? " Did you guys know that you are bombarded with more images of beautiful women in one day than your great-grandmothers were in their whole lives? You're also surrounded by a ridiculous amount of mirrors, and a plethora of fashion and make-up options that previous generations never had to deal with. There are literally thousands of businesses out there that work hard to make you feel bad about how you look so that you'll buy their product. Think about it. If you don't feel inadequate in some way you probably won't keep buying more clothes, make-up, hair products, magazines (and on and on) in order to feel better about how you look or fit in. So how do you fight all these businesses with their big marketing departments designed to prey on your weaknesses? You go old school and stop playing their game. If you think about this world like it's one giant battlefield and your life is one small but significant battle in the middle of an ongoing war, it helps you to see what's happening around you for what it really is. The devil is out to steal, kill and destroy, and a big way to get that done is to get us all so focused on ourselves and miserable that we're disqualified from the battle. If we're obsessed with ourselves it means we're not loving God with all we've got and definitely not loving our neighbor as ourselves. Most likely it means we're depressed and anxious and constantly comparing ourselves to the people around us, which just makes us more depressed and anxious and self-involved. Here's how I think we stop playing the world's game and really win this battle. First, we recognize that we were created by a good, loving God who didn't need us but wanted us anyway. He made us the way we are, and put us here in this time and place for a reason. That means there is a purpose for my life beyond myself so I should probably stop spending so much time thinking about myself. It means I trust that I am very dear to God and that He knew what He was doing when He made me. Second, we throw out those things in our lives that feed our self-focus and stop giving the devil so much freedom with our thoughts. We lay off the TV and magazines and internet sites that are doing way more harm than good and replace them with things that encourage and build us up. Start spending more time reading about Jesus' life and what He did with His time on this earth. He's the blueprint for how we're supposed to be living and He didn't worry about what He was going to eat or wear or how He looked. He just loved like crazy and poured Himself out on others as much as He possibly could. Third, we try to start thinking of others as much as we do ourselves. There are 147 million orphans in this world, what can you do to help them out? There are elderly people stuck in nursing homes all over this country who are lonely and without hope. Can you visit them? Maybe take them some cookies? Maybe we stop treating shopping as a hobby and start going through our stuff and giving away what we don't really need to those who do need it. Get a friend involved and do something together, but work hard to think of others and pour your life out on them instead of wasting it thinking only about yourself. Hold each other accountable and see what God can do with someone whose heart is completely His. I heard a story once of a man who always bought two of everything. One for himself and one for someone else in need. That way he didn't blow his money on things he didn't really need and it was his way of loving others as much as he loved himself. Pretty cool idea. This world lies to us on a daily basis and has only our destruction in mind. The truth is that we're beautiful in the eyes of the One who matters most and He created us with a purpose in mind. It's also true that the world doesn't care about us at all so why should we work so hard to live up to its messed up ideals? We are daughters of the King and are here fighting on the side of all that is good. Let's go out and live like it. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/04/how_can_teenage_girls_improve.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/04/how_can_teenage_girls_improve.html Body/Beauty Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:49:39 -0600 "I know God says to honor my mom and dad, but how do i do that if they are getting a divorce? My dad has lied to both my mother and I my whole life, and continues to lie, and hurts both of us, knowing what he is doing. He will not pay the child support like he is supposed to, so we sometimes run very low on money. It is not fair to my mom, who gave up over 20 years to this man who is my supposed "father". I have no idea how to act in this situation, and I have been diagnosed with severe depression, ADD, and severe anxiety disorders. I need to figure out how to help myself, because I know medicine will not last forever, and one day, i want to be walked down the aisle. I just need some advice on how others would take this situation in their lives. It is very frustrating! Please help?" I wanted to answer this one on the website because with the divorce rates as high as they are, I'm sure a lot of you are dealing with this to some degree. The whole "honor your father and mother" thing actually started with the ten commandments in Exodus 20, so if God thought it was a big enough deal to put in the big 10 then we need to treat it like it's a big deal. The tricky part is when God tells us to love and honor people who don't seem to deserve it...which he does all through scripture. In the new testament Jesus went so far as to tell us to love our enemies, so how do we do that? I think that step one is to recognize that what God is asking us to do is something He does for us on a daily basis. We don't deserve the love and forgiveness and honor He pours out on us everyday but He continues to pour it out generously and without complaining. Then He asks us to turn around and love each other, not because we deserve it, but because He loves us like that. Every person in your life will disappoint you at some time simply because we're sinners at heart and tend to live selfishly, but God asks us to follow Jesus' example and think of others as better than ourselves. How you treat others says more about your character than it does about theirs so in this situation you take the high road and show them mercy and kindness. The only way to do that is to pray constantly that the Holy Spirit helps you honor them, because it's really not in us to love and honor the people who have hurt us the most. Pray that you look and act more like Jesus every day. Pray that God rescues and changes your parents and this situation. Pray that you can forgive the hurt that your dad has caused and not carry this with you throughout your life. I know from personal experience that God can set you free from depression and anxiety and hurt and anger better than any drug known to man. He's in the business of setting people free...permanently. Talk to him constantly and beg for the peace and freedom that He promises. The more we love God and trust His Spirit to work things out in us, the easier it is to do the things He asks us to do and the more peaceful our lives become. Honoring your parents means you treat them with respect and kindness, not that you agree with everything they're doing. You don't have the power to change this situation but God does, and life gets so much easier when we put all our faith in Him to work things out instead of trying to fix them ourselves. If you're stuck and could use more help, Vicki highly recommends the book “Total Forgiveness” by R.T. Kendall. ]]> http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/03/know_god_says_to_honor_my_mom.html http://www.virtuousreality.com/questions/2010/03/know_god_says_to_honor_my_mom.html Family Tue, 30 Mar 2010 22:11:50 -0600