This one's from Grace and she said it was ok for me to post the answer here for those who have the same question. She also said "There are of course other factors that I am considering but this one bothers me. That has 2 sound shallow but...its true."
I'm curious as to what the other factors are. If you really know the guy and it's not just the attraction factor then it's a different story. But if he could be a good guy and the physical is keeping you from finding out, then you need to give him a chance...assuming you're dating for the right reasons. That's a big assumption and I could go off on a whole big rant about dating but I'll stick to your question and try to just answer that well. Since God says it's the heart of a person that's more important than the outward appearance, we should hold that view ourselves and try to see what people are really like without assuming a physical attraction or lack of such will tell us all we need to know. I have plenty of friends who were immediately attracted to the guy they wound up dating, or even marrying, only to find out that guy didn't have the qualities that really mattered to them in the long run. It happened to me with a guy I dated in college and it's the one relationship I wish I could go back and undo. In the end it wasn't worth it at all. Too much Hollywood has given us the impression that love happens right away and that a strong physical attraction is the key ingredient to a long lasting relationship. Not true. That same Hollywood is full of attractive couples with off-the-charts physical chemistry who have gone on to ruin, or nearly ruin, each others' lives. Lasting attraction happens over time as we really get to know someone. Infatuation often happens immediately and disappears over time.
So if you're ready to date (not just looking for a make-out partner) and you want to date a quality guy, you need to give him a chance and see what he's really like before deciding whether or not he's worth it. Good guys with Godly character become more and more attractive the longer you know them, but you can't see someone's true character by looking at their outsides.
Comments (6)
OMGosh... this is sooo good! Thanks!
Posted by Kaylee | July 1, 2010 9:44 PM
Thanks!
Posted by grace | July 2, 2010 11:10 AM
I just got done finishing teenvirtue confidential and I have to say it was amazing. I absolutley loved it answered alot of my questions from growing up, faith, and what the main things in life really are. It was nice to read a magazine that actually didnt have pictures of photoshopped girls with curvy figures and make you feel bad for a change. Im planning on buying the other ones a.s.a.p!!!! And would any of you guys happen to know of a website with good advice or that you can get another opinion on things (friendship mostly) I have a friend that doesnt act like god wants girls to act and ive tried to help her but idk. Thanks :)
Posted by Aubree | July 2, 2010 9:10 PM
I always agree with what you say, Jamie, because you are biblically correct pretty much all the time, but I have to admit, physical attraction is important, not 100% important, but still very important. Joshua Harris' father told him, "Don't try to be more holy than God.", in picking someone who may have wonderful qualities, but is not that appealing to look at. And Shannon Ethridge said that in marriage, you won't want to give yourself to someone sexually if you don't find him attractive. So I think you have to look at both: his heart first, and his face second!
Posted by April | July 6, 2010 10:02 AM
Looks are important but the heart matters most. A lot of women have been torn or heartbroken by a hot guy who didn't have a heart. Also, remember a guy with a wonderful heart looks better later. Not to be shallower ;-), but a good guy won't mind you "helping him" to appeal to you (i.e. clothing, skin care). Some just don't know how to be appealing.
Posted by Candice | July 6, 2010 3:28 PM
Hey guys! I asked this question and id like to let everyone (especially jamie) how greatful i am for your input. Id also like 2 give some of mine. I ended up realizing @ the end of this that the guy didnt seem attractive 2 me not because i was shallow but because he had some other flaws that influenced how i saw him. I think the only reason i was interested in the first place is because I was infatuated with the idea that someone liked me...not rly w/ the person themself. Good luck u guys, this guy stuff is kind of crazy!
God Bless
Posted by Grace | July 21, 2010 8:51 PM