Here's the back story on this question before we get into a response:
"A guy friend that I've liked for as long as I can remember has been going through an incredibly tough year, and God has allowed me to be an encouragement to him and see his heart, his passions, his pains. In turn, I have also been sharing my not insignificant struggles, and we've kind of been holding each other up, as friends. I'm 18 and have spent a year from home, during which God has taught me so much about himself, and I feel that if this guy were to ask me I would be ready for a relationship. I've sought counsel from a lady in my church, and she thinks that he likes me but suspects he is afraid to ask, because my shyness sometimes makes me mask my feelings. Time could be short; my family is moving at the end of the summer, and though I could do a long-distance relationship, I feel that now may be the time to act. My confusion is this: how do I let him know how I feel about a relationship without taking his leadership or damaging the friendship?"
Your first move is always going to be prayer. God knows exactly how He wants this to work out for both of you so talk it out with Him and trust Him to guide you through the process. I would also encourage you to remember that all relationships look different. There is no perfect formula for dating and God loves writing new and different stories every day. If you know the story of Ruth and Boaz you'll remember that at some point Ruth had to make a very bold move so that Boaz would know she was interested in being his wife. If she hadn't done that he probably would have continued thinking she was too young for him... but it was risky, and you need to know up front that there's always the risk of damaging the relationship when either party makes a move in a new direction. It's not against the rules for a girl to let a guy know she's interested and there are ways to do it graciously while keeping your dignity in tact. Never throw yourself at someone in desperation and see if the lady from your church, or someone else you trust who knows both parties, will get involved. Ruth had her mother-in-law on her side, looking out for her best interests.
Above all, trust God with this relationship and your future. This may or may not be the man God wants you to marry but only He knows. And keep the proper perspective. Marriage isn't the goal in this life, God is. Our best bet with every decision we make is to hold it loosely and let God lead the way.
Comments (9)
"And keep the proper perspective. Marriage isn't the goal in this life, God is. Our best bet with every decision we make is to hold it loosely and let God lead the way."
Amen to that bit! Being almost 20, more and more of my friends are in relationships leading to marriage and I start to wonder about myself. As I face decisions about where to live etc, I selfishly try and keep my 'marriage options' open as I currently have some really great guy friends around me; however its where and how I can serve God best that matters! If I have a mate to do this with that'd be cool but God knows best :)
Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 8:28 PM
Thank you for writing this. The last paragraph I thought was so powerful, I wrote it in my journal and have been meditating over it for the past 30 minutes! I really needed to be reminded that my ultimate purpose is life is to glorify God-- not to do what I want, or to be impatient for God's timing (specifically pertaining to my future husband). Instead, I need to let God lead, and take one step at a time with confidence/trust that He will lead me on the right path (Pro 3:5-6). Because He will!!
Posted by Hope | June 4, 2010 1:16 AM
Wow that is so powerful! I pray everyday that my future husband will be the lead in our relationship! It is really good to have a strong Christian love. :)
Posted by Melissa | June 6, 2010 3:48 PM
I totally agree with both comments. I am halfway to 21, and have never even had prospects for a boyfriend. It doesn't bother me (I've never really wanted one), but my friends who are younger than me have started getting married/engaged, and it bothers me just a little bit. But I'm still holding strong to the belief that God will bring me to the guy who is perfect for me; if He doesn't, I'll still be satisfied knowing He loves me, and working for His glory.
Posted by Bethany | June 6, 2010 8:47 PM
Thank you so much for writing this article! I have been struggling with something similar for quite a while. One of my best friends is a guy, and as I have watched him lead out at church and in his family, I have started to develop feelings for him. We have talked about starting a relationship, but honestly, neither of us want/need one right now. It is just too much of a distraction for us. But it's been especially hard for me lately. Being nearly 20, and having never been in a relationship before, I would love to be in one with my best friend! But the Lord has really been revealing to me that I need to find ALL of my satisfaction in Him! He is the ONLY one who can truly fill me up! And I know, that if it is in His will, He will bring me the right guy, in His timing! And that gives me more comfort than any relationship could! :)
Posted by Anonymous | June 8, 2010 10:27 AM
God will bring us the right relationship when it is time. we don't need one, only if God says we do. i am only 13, i never cared much for relationships. sure i liked people, but my only desire is to be friends. but that shouldn't be our first desire, God should be. and no one should get in the way of God. God could be using this guy to help you grow stronger in him, but he also could just be another distraction.
Posted by sarah | June 19, 2010 6:37 PM
just look to God as hard as you can. he will help!!!
Posted by sarah | June 20, 2010 3:03 PM
I love this article!! At my age (13), some people think it's kind of weird that I've never been in a relationship, but I just think it's kind of ridiculous at this point. First of all, I'm only 13! At this age (let's be honest) guys are pretty immature. I have my whole life ahead of me to start thinking about dating. Second of all, I don't want to be the kind of girl who thinks about boys ALL THE TIME. You know the kind of girl ho has her whole wedding planned out? The kind of girl that picks out her ring and wedding dress and names of her future kids before she's even engaged? That kind of gets on my nerves. I mean, sure it's nice to dream sometimes (I do it too), but if your time is consumed by thinking about your boyfriend and planning your future with him, where does God fit in? I am a firm believer that, if it is God's will, He will send you a good, Christian guy when the time is right.
Posted by Alexa | June 24, 2010 8:37 PM
This article spoke to me in ways nothing else has concerning this subject. I have an awesome guy friend who is a Christian and I really like him and I think he might like me back. So I spend time wondering if he does and after I read this article it helped me understand that that issue is not the most important issue in my life and that my relationship with God is. I do want to keep in touch with this guy because we have become such great friends in middle school and now that we are goin to different high schools it will be more difficult to stay friends. If it is God's plan for us to stay friends then it will happen. This article helped me get my head around that and realize that if it is God's plan in both our lives for us to date then it will happen eventually and that I shouldnt put all my focus and energy into that issue and that my mind should stay on the Lord! As long as we follow God he will lead us down the right paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Posted by Anonymous | June 30, 2010 11:00 AM