I know God says to honor my mom and dad, but how do i do that if they are getting a divorce?

Here's a tricky one we got in the mail just the other day:

"I know God says to honor my mom and dad, but how do i do that if they are getting a divorce? My dad has lied to both my mother and I my whole life, and continues to lie, and hurts both of us, knowing what he is doing. He will not pay the child support like he is supposed to, so we sometimes run very low on money. It is not fair to my mom, who gave up over 20 years to this man who is my supposed "father". I have no idea how to act in this situation, and I have been diagnosed with severe depression, ADD, and severe anxiety disorders. I need to figure out how to help myself, because I know medicine will not last forever, and one day, i want to be walked down the aisle. I just need some advice on how others would take this situation in their lives. It is very frustrating! Please help?"

I wanted to answer this one on the website because with the divorce rates as high as they are, I'm sure a lot of you are dealing with this to some degree. The whole "honor your father and mother" thing actually started with the ten commandments in Exodus 20, so if God thought it was a big enough deal to put in the big 10 then we need to treat it like it's a big deal. The tricky part is when God tells us to love and honor people who don't seem to deserve it...which he does all through scripture. In the new testament Jesus went so far as to tell us to love our enemies, so how do we do that?

I think that step one is to recognize that what God is asking us to do is something He does for us on a daily basis. We don't deserve the love and forgiveness and honor He pours out on us everyday but He continues to pour it out generously and without complaining. Then He asks us to turn around and love each other, not because we deserve it, but because He loves us like that. Every person in your life will disappoint you at some time simply because we're sinners at heart and tend to live selfishly, but God asks us to follow Jesus' example and think of others as better than ourselves. How you treat others says more about your character than it does about theirs so in this situation you take the high road and show them mercy and kindness. The only way to do that is to pray constantly that the Holy Spirit helps you honor them, because it's really not in us to love and honor the people who have hurt us the most.

Pray that you look and act more like Jesus every day. Pray that God rescues and changes your parents and this situation. Pray that you can forgive the hurt that your dad has caused and not carry this with you throughout your life. I know from personal experience that God can set you free from depression and anxiety and hurt and anger better than any drug known to man. He's in the business of setting people free...permanently. Talk to him constantly and beg for the peace and freedom that He promises. The more we love God and trust His Spirit to work things out in us, the easier it is to do the things He asks us to do and the more peaceful our lives become. Honoring your parents means you treat them with respect and kindness, not that you agree with everything they're doing. You don't have the power to change this situation but God does, and life gets so much easier when we put all our faith in Him to work things out instead of trying to fix them ourselves.

If you're stuck and could use more help, Vicki highly recommends the book “Total Forgiveness” by R.T. Kendall.