I feel like I say the same thing over and over to you guys but it's important so I'm going to say it again and hope you don't have to learn this the hard way like I did. In Isaiah 43:7 God tells us that all who are called by His Name (who belong to Him) have been created for His glory...not for each other. We've bought into this Hollywood idea that there's someone out there who was created just for us, that we were made for each other, but it's not true biblically and when we believe it we put all our hopes and dreams on finding that one person. Then before you know it your heart belongs to the dream of someone instead of to the One who loves you so much He died for you. But there's a lot of room for disappointment and heartache in that belief. Like what if you search and search but never find that person? Or what if you marry someone you thought was "the one" but then he turns out to be a mess or a jerk or just an ordinary guy who doesn't live up to your expectations? As a good friend of mine recently said "God never intended for our happiness to depend on someone so fickle as another person".
God might have marriage in your future, and if so He already knows who you'll marry, but He never meant for you to look to a person to make you whole, only Jesus can do that. So when you say you're wanting to know if you've found "the one" I want to know what you mean by that. Do you mean the one who will "complete you" (nobody out there can do that) or do you mean the one you think you might want to marry someday? If you've met someone you think is special and that you might end up married to them there are a few things you can do to help you walk through the relationship in a healthy way.
First remember that your heart is "deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jeremiah 17:9) so you can't trust your feelings to navigate this but you can trust God to guide you in the path He has for you. That means you're going to have to pursue Him more than you pursue your relationship with this guy. Over and over in the Bible God tells us to seek Him and live, to pursue Him above all things, to love Him most and let Him take care of the rest. It also says that He is jealous for our affections because He's more deserving of our hearts than anyone or anything else. He's the true love we're all so desperately looking for and He's the only one who has our best interest at heart. He's also the only one who knows your future so if you're wanting to know if this guy is worth getting to know better or spending time with, only God can walk you through that. Talk to Him everyday about everything. Jesus is the one person it's safe to be completely open and honest with so go for it. Open up to Him about this guy and your hopes and dreams and ask Him to open your eyes and ears so you can see and hear Him louder than the world around you and your own heart. Read your Bible in order to learn more about this incredible God who adores you instead of reading it because it's on your list of "Christian" things to do. Pursue Jesus like your heart tells you to pursue this guy and see where He takes you.
Second, get someone involved who knows you and loves you and will be honest with you about this guy and the relationship. If you have a friend who loves Jesus and can speak biblical truth to you, they can help you keep your head on straight when your emotions and/or hormones want to take over. That's what we're here for - the church is supposed to be one big family that looks out for each other as we help each other stay faithful to Jesus and follow Him.
Above all things remember what God says in Amos 5:4 - "Seek Me and LIVE!!" Nobody else can make that promise and follow through on it.
Comments (9)
Jamie, this is such an excellent article, and worthy of every girl's and woman's attention.
God bless you sister!
Posted by Katelynn | January 4, 2010 9:34 AM
I am honestly a bit disappointed by this answer. I understand that God is our "true love" but you make it seem as if earthly relationships are completely meaningless, which is not true. Also, if the girl who asked the question had already asked God for an answer, I do not think she would have the question, which for some such as myself, is not true. What happens when we ask God and he STILL doesn't give us an answer?
Posted by Lindsey | January 4, 2010 7:17 PM
Lindsey - I understand your disappointment. I think we all want quick answers and an easy formula for making the right decisions but there honestly is no such thing. The only one who can guide us in the right direction in all of our relationships is Jesus and we hear Him best when we are closest to Him and love Him most. Human relationships are very important and we do them best when we're connected at the hip with Jesus. If you feel like God hasn't been answering you, be persistent and keep seeking Him. He wants us to come to Him because we want Him not just what He can do for us. Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking - He always responding and only He can answer questions like "is this guy the one?"
Posted by Jamie | January 5, 2010 1:12 PM
One of my favorite verses is psalms 37:4, "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of yourself." If you completely give yourself to Him (without of the motive of just getting what you want) He will bless you in many ways, along with guiding you to the man that He has in store for you, when the time is right.
Madi
Posted by Madi | January 5, 2010 3:32 PM
i definitely agree w/ the fact that no 1 cn complete u & fully satisfy u, xcept 4 god. b/c humans rnt perfect, its not possible 4 them 2 do that. humans r very fickle, like ur friend said. but i also think, that b/c God is divine & omnipotent, that if he has marriage in r future then he creates us 2 fit the other person whom he has in mind 4 us. i definitely believe that he creates us 4 his glory, but he also creates us 2 fit w/ r future spouse. not solely 4 that person, of course, but so that we will b synergic w/ them.
btw, thx a lot 4 taking all this time 2 teach us teen grlz about God & life & helping us w/ r probs!! its awesome, & this site has been rly helpful 2me. :)
~elizaclaire
Posted by elizaclaire | January 5, 2010 9:02 PM
i think this advice is completely and without a doubt honest and true to the point. these days boys are so stupid and hard to read. their only after one thing and you never know when a good one might pop out of the blue at you. glowing in gods love and approval. he trusts us and gave us the power of choice to know right from wrong and when you really get to know a person, god will put himself in your concience and give you the right feeling. you'll know if he's the ONE for you. you just have to pray about it and the rest will just follow
Posted by cassidy | January 17, 2010 11:44 AM
i like this so much how every wrote this thank you :) :)
Posted by netty | January 26, 2010 5:55 PM
Thank you so much for this article; you do such a great job at centering every topic on God. I have a question that I would really like someone's opinion on: how does a godly girl properly let a guy lead a relationship? A guy friend that I've liked for as long as I can remember has been going through an incredibly tough year, and God has allowed me to be an encouragement to him and see his heart, his passions, his pains. In turn, I have also been sharing my not insignificant struggles, and we've kind of been holding each other up, as friends. I'm 18 and have spent a year from home, during which God has taught me so much about himself, and I feel that if this guy were to ask me I would be ready for a relationship. I've sought counsel from a lady in my church, and she thinks that he likes me but suspects he is afraid to ask, because my shyness sometimes makes me mask my feelings. Time could be short; my family is moving at the end of the summer, and though I could do a long-distance relationship, I feel that now may be the time to act. My confusion is this: how do I let him know how I feel about a relationship without taking his leadership or damaging the friendship?
Posted by Rebecca | May 24, 2010 9:56 PM
There is this guy at my church and my mom thinks that I should marry him but I dont like him at all.There is also this other guy who goes to my church and he is sweet,kind,nice,cute,and perfect for me, but the only problem is hes 17 and Im 12.Lots of teenage guys have liked me bec.I look like im older than 12 like 15 or 16 and then guys ask me how old i am and i say 12 and then they're not interested in me anymore.All the guys i like are teenagers.What do I do?
Posted by Alena | June 18, 2010 1:17 PM