This one was taken right off our prayer wall and I think it's worth discussing because I think a lot of people are dealing with this. Here is what I have learned the hard way. If I'm struggling with something and it's not getting better, then I'm probably not really struggling with it. I'm probably feeding it. I'll explain.
Let's say this desire to have sex is like a monster that lives in your heart and head. Something in you wants the monster to go away but something else (hello sin nature) kind of likes it and wants it to stick around. So you pray and pray that God will take it away but instead of going away the monster just keeps getting bigger and stronger. What's the deal? You're praying but for some reason God isn't fixing the problem. Has He given up on you or are you not praying right or what? I think the place to start is to look at your actions and see if your actions are working against your prayer. Do you watch sex scenes from your favorite movies over and over? Do you look at things you shouldn't on the internet and TV? Do you let your mind wander into places it shouldn't go instead of taking every thought captive and obedient to Christ like it says in 2 Corinthians 10:5? If you talk about sex with your friends a lot and fill your mind with it via TV, movies, books, and the internet - then you aren't really struggling against it no matter how much you pray. You're feeding the monster and making it stronger so that it has more control over you every day. It's like if you pray that God will make you skinny but you eat 2 boxes of Krispy Kreme a day. Never gonna happen. So my question to you is what are you actually doing, other than praying, to fight this thing? Are you willing to sacrifice the things that keep you focused on sex or romance and shift your focus to Jesus? If you're feeling down on yourself read Romans 7 and you'll see that even Paul had monsters to fight.
When Jesus offers us freedom He always requires that we walk away from our sin, that we stop doing those things that are keeping us in chains. He offers Himself in exchange for the monster but you have to let go of the one in order to hold on to the Other. There isn't room in your heart for both. And remember this - some battles are long and hard but don't ever give up because in the end Jesus always wins.
Comments (7)
Very well said.
Posted by Melissa | May 4, 2009 9:34 AM
Excellent answer, Jamie! Do you also think alone time with the boyfriend is also feeding the monster?
Posted by Bonnnie | May 4, 2009 11:24 AM
Thank you very much Jamie. I have secretly been struggling with this. It helps a bunch.
Posted by Catherine | May 5, 2009 10:33 PM
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! i have struguled with this for a long time the sad part is i am only 12.
Posted by shelby | May 7, 2009 7:14 AM
a response to shelby's comment:
in a certain waii i dnt thnk thts its sad...im not saying its gd but wht i mean is tht if ur only 12 and you're honest enough to openly say what you're struggling w/ than you can be proud of yourself for that!! im a few years older and there are girls my age [like me] who would never in a milion years admit tht thy have theses of struggles.....so even if ur young, youre obviously way more mature than ppl like myself and you can definately be proud of yourself for tht!!
and for everyone else who commented, im proud of you guys too and im sure tht God is aswell: you guys arent ignoring your struggles which is a GREAT thng.... you can totally thank God for that!!!!!!
Posted by jessica | May 23, 2009 3:30 PM
The desire to have sex is a normal, healthy desire. God made our bodies to have sex and make babies (be fruitful and multiply). He created the hormones that our bodies produce and he created the processes that our bodies go through involving sexuality. Sex is good and God isn't angry at you for feeling this way. But, you have to make sure that you aren't feeding your desires, like people above have said. You need to really look at the stuff that you expose yourself to. Be honest about the movies you watch, the music you listen to, and the websites you visit. Cut out anything with sexual content or that makes your desires stronger. I have a special person in my life who is a few years older than me. I talk to her about pretty much everything. When I want to have sex, I talk to her about it, and she reminds me about my commitment to wait. I also fill her in on what I've been watching and reading. Having such a person in my life has been instrumental in helping me to wait (I'm 25 and still a virgin).
Since God created us for sexual activity, he obviously knows more about it than we do. His plan is superior to ours. His plan is for us to wait until marriage, when we are in a lifetime commitment. Sometimes we don't want to. But, we still need to. It helps me to find delight and captivation in God's plan. All of my plans are folly, I will only come to ruin. When I remember that God's plan is best, it makes my struggle a little easier to bear.
Posted by Bryanne | June 21, 2009 5:10 PM
Let the boy you are dating know and understand your standards and limits. Just tell them you are not the type of girl that is going to have sex with them. If he knows your limits than it makes dating so much easier.
Posted by Anonymous | May 2, 2010 12:18 PM