But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Matt 6:33
First we need to redefine a few things and you're going to need to hang with me on this one to see where I'm going. There's good news in the end for all of us. We have this idea that somewhere out there "The One" is waiting for us, but we have mistakenly decided that "The One" is a person and it isn't. I know that's the last thing some of you want to hear because we all dream of some perfect person coming along who will sweep us off our feet and make us whole and happy. Hollywood has banked off this dream for decades and has helped turn it into an idol for a lot of us.
The problem with this theory (we'll call it the "You Complete Me" theory) is twofold:
One - the only perfect person was Jesus and biblically only He can complete anyone. As a matter of fact the Bible talks about it quite a bit. Whenever it talks about us being made complete or perfect, it's talking about Jesus doing the work, never a person. There's nothing wrong with wanting to find someone and get married, by all means start praying now and trusting God with your future and all that's ahead of you. The mistake is in putting all our hopes and dreams on that person and expecting them to make everything ok. They can't, and it's a burden that has ruined millions of relationships...some of them my own.
Two - The other BIG problem with buying into this theory is that it tells us that being loved by a person is better than being loved by God. It glorifies human love and debases or lowers our view of Jesus' love for us. And when we start to understand, bit by bit, how ridiculously HUGE His love for us is, then we can see how wrong it is to choose the love of a person over what He offers. I'm not saying you can't love both God and people, but you have to get them in the right order to do it well.
Nowhere in the Bible will you find God raising human love to the level where most of us have it today. As a matter of fact, the only one we're supposed to love with our whole heart is Him - He says it over and over again (old testament and new). Because in loving Him first and most, with everything I have, I am free to love people well without placing impossible expectations on them. And what I have found is that as my love for Jesus grows beyond my love for anyone else, I am freed from this terrible loneliness and despair that makes me desperate for someone to love me, and I am free to live and love joyfully.
C.S. Lewis says in The Weight of Glory - "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
If human love, even in a best friend or boyfriend or husband, is a "mud pie" compared to what God is offering, we are foolish if we keep seeking the mud instead of the infinite joy. So my question to you is, are you more interested in seeking the love of a person than you are in seeking God Himself? And are you willing to pursue Him first and see what He might have for you? In my experience, pursuing the love of a person has led to some of the biggest disappointments and miseries in my life, but pursuing God for the goal of finding Him alone has led to freedom and real joy and the love I've been looking for.
Comments (15)
Thank You for posting this! This will definitely encourage many young girls out there who are reading this. I've never had a boyfriend, so I used to feel like there was no hope for me and I used to feel unloved. I would pray and beg God for someone who could sweep me off my feet; kind of like the "prince charming" mentality that you spoke of, that society has pushed upon us to believe. But since I have gone through some hardships in my life, I have learned that only Jesus can give me that everlasting love that I desire.
Posted by ashley marie | February 1, 2009 2:45 PM
Thank you for this post!!! I have been begging God to show me that there is a guy for me out there!!! I think most girls deal with this issue and we need to realize that we can help each other, because we have similar feelings!! Thanks again!
Posted by Morgan | February 1, 2009 8:53 PM
Okay, so I was sent this from a friend. It's so perfect though, because at a youth retreat this weekend the same quote from C.S. Lewis was stated. (I am a youth leader who is single and like the girls I lead have too been looking for "The One".) We really are far to easily pleased. Thanks again for this reminder that Our Lord is The One we need and most deeply, truly desire.
Blessings!
Posted by April | February 2, 2009 9:51 AM
First of all, I agree with Jamie completely that Jesus needs to be our White Knight to fulfill our deepest desire for acceptance and love. However, I'd like to say something about actually dealing with guys. To remind you, here is the original question:
"I'm starting to feel maybe no one was made for me... all I wanna do is find that one that is everything I could ever want in a companion. What do I do?"
There are probably people who will disagree with me, but I don't believe that anyone is "made" for another person. Love starts as a companionship and grows to be something deeper. It's not like you find the peanut butter to your jelly and immediately have a perfect sandwich. You have to work at it.
And more importantly, I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but there is no one (human anyway) who is everything you could ever want in a companion. It just doesn't happen. Even someone who you thought was perfect is going to have something that drives you insane, whether it smacking gum or messing up the toothpaste.
Stay sustained in the love that will never fail you, and remember that you are already the Bride of Christ. Having a husband here on earth is just a bonus. =)
Posted by Anonymous | February 2, 2009 4:56 PM
i totally agree with this article.Alot of the girls just date guys to say that they are dating!!!!
Posted by Ashley | February 2, 2009 4:57 PM
I wrote something a few weeks ago that would go perfectly with this topic. It's kind of long, but I'd like to share it.
Jesus, I want you to be my Love. Not only a friend, but my best friend. Someone who I can confide in, Who will listen and never condemn. I know You are there waiting, and I only need to come to You.
Jesus, I want you to be my Love. I want to have the desire to be with You every moment of every day. I want You to be my Comfort, my Protector, my Provider. I want You to complete me, to be my soulmate. I know that You are the only One that can fill this void in my soul, and I ask You to come.
Jesus, I want you to be my Love. I want You to be the focus of my thoughts and to influence my every action. I want Yours to be the shoulder I cry on, the arms that hold me while I weep. I want Yours to be the smile I look for after a job well done, my ears to always be tuned to Your voice.
Jesus, I want you to be my Love. I can't do this alone. I am Your princess, but I need my Knight in shining armor to rescue me from myself. Come slay the dragon that is my pride, cut through the choking vines of self-pity, and rescue me from my tower of judgment. Show me how to love Your people.
Jesus, I know I have been Your love from the beginning of time. Please, help me to realize that You are mine.
Posted by Bethany | February 2, 2009 5:15 PM
Ok... so wierd... last night i was thinking about this and really needed some help! This surely did it! Thank you so much for posting this!
GOD BLESS!
Posted by Addy | February 2, 2009 6:50 PM
I want to follow on what Anonymous said earlier. I'm all for bursting bubbles that aren't built on biblical truth because you can't build a life on a bubble - it's bound to explode. And when it comes down to finding someone who was "made for you", biblically it says that we were all made by and for Jesus. So no person was made for another person and since we were made for Jesus, He's the only perfect match for us. The pursuit of anything or anyone other than Him to make us whole will only disappoint and lead to pain and despair.
Posted by Jamie | February 4, 2009 4:37 PM
this was so good!! and a good thing to remember is seek God first, and then the "perfect" guy will come along...in God's time. so seek God!!
Posted by Natalie | February 10, 2009 7:22 PM
some times i feel the same way but i have to remind myself that it is all in Gods timing
Posted by D | February 22, 2009 1:50 PM
hey i have a bf and he likes someone else should i let him go?
Posted by kayla | February 26, 2009 3:05 PM
Bethany-Thanks for sharing the Love Note to Jesus. This is something I've been struggling with as well, and that really uplifted me. God bless!
Posted by Anonymous | July 22, 2009 2:40 PM
Morgan: I've been doing the same thing the past month or so. And I really appreciate this article.
Bethany: I love that!!! May I copy it and print it to put in my Bible or on my wall so I have a reminder?
Posted by Abby | July 28, 2009 7:03 PM
I totally love that song, Bethany!! I can completely relate to it. This is something I've struggled with... Finding "The One"... And you are all right. Our Savior is the only "One". I've saved this exact page to my favorites... I'm uplifted and now, I will pray that the Lord comes into my heart with the blazing fire of love that I've been searching for here. Thanks for posting this! God Bless <3
Posted by Rachael | July 28, 2009 7:58 PM
WOW..this really helped a lot! everything is amazing..it greatly reminds ALL girls out there including me., who are puzzled and still believing in fairytales..and still hoping to false hopes that, there is another person made for you to be complete..
But, hey! this is really a wake up call!.. why should we exhaust ourselves from finding "The One"?.. we didnt know, that we're so blind to see and feel.. that "The One"that we've been searching for has been with us always from the start.. we just have to open our eyes and our hearts..that,
HE, JESUS..IS THE LOVER OF OUR SOUL.. AND IS "THE ONE"...!!!
we are made FOR HIM..for HIS GLORY..
HE is the "Perfect Man" for every girl.. ^_^v
Posted by Mae | October 6, 2009 9:35 PM