From one of our Girls Gone Virtuous Facebook group members:
This would be easier to actually have a conversation about so feel free to follow up with comments and we can keep it going if you want to. Here's what I can tell you to get the ball rolling. I'm slowly learning that although our lives all look different, what He wants from and for us is the same. He wants us. All of us. Our tendency is (at least mine is) to love people more than Him or spend more time thinking about boys and cars and money and clothes and school and stuff than we do about Him. And that's where things get so confusing. Because the more time I spend thinking and worrying about all that other stuff, the more I love those things more than Him and I can't hear Him when He speaks. And He's not one to play games or mess with us - He's pretty straightforward. It's when I calm down and spend time with Him, just to get to know Him, that's when I hear Him best. And He's always doing what's best for me, so really I'm safest when I'm more focused on Him than on everything else.
Here's my first suggestion: hang out with Jesus, not because you're trying to get something out of Him, but just because you want to know Him. Pour out your heart to Him and ask Him to guide you in the right direction. I have found that when I'm freaking out about something it's usually because I don't trust God to do what I want. A huge part of walking with God is learning to trust Him more than yourself and loving Him more than anyone in the world. Remember, God speaks to us all the time, every day; sometimes through the Bible or through people, and sometimes in ways you would never imagine. The problem is that we're bad listeners. Here are some verses that floated though my head as I was thinking about this:
Psalm 62:8 - Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.
Jeremiah 29:12-13 - Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart
Philippians 4:6-7 - Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (The Message)
Comments (17)
I agree completely w/ the girl above me.
I know it's weird and now your probably thinking, "yea whatever good advice, I will just do my own thing now".
Here's a visual to help you out...
God
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
You-------------Him
Yea looks funny, but this triangle helped me to better understand. Obviously enough- like the girl above me said- if you grow close to God,if this realtionship was really meant to be,then you would meet the guy at the top of the pyramid with God. Because obviously enough, once you're really close to God if he is not up there with you, or God does not bring him around, to go out with Him would not be a wise decision. Just follow God and see what happens!
Posted by Lisa Ann | November 1, 2008 7:13 PM
I am in the same situation as this girl. I have prayed so hard about this. I have prayed that Gods will be done. I have already seen God working. This boy asked me to his church. Yesterday, we were sitting on the bus on the way home from a band competetion, and we talked about how God has been working in our lives. I think that you just have to find a way to talk about Christ in your conversations. Everything is so clear when you pray about it. I hope this helped
Posted by Laine | November 2, 2008 6:29 PM
wow! i'm in the same situation! i really needed this post! i totally agree with everything everyone has said. i tend to love people more than God. I need to turn to Him and get to know him and let Him be the one i think about all day...not the guy. thanks!
Posted by beth | November 2, 2008 8:26 PM
I think these other two girls hit it right on the head! I've always heard that when you think you've found the right guy, run as fast as you can toward Jesus, and then look around you and see if he is keeping up. Also, don't try to find the right guy, become the right girl.
But first and foremost, read your Bible, Pray to God for wisdom, and talk to a christian mentor. If he is the guy God has for you, then God will reveal that to you.
Posted by Emily | November 3, 2008 3:52 PM
so that was supposed to be a triangle just to let you know haha sorry
Posted by Lisa | November 3, 2008 9:16 PM
I would recommend the book Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy to any young lady! It has such a good message and addresses the question in great detail! It's great!
Posted by mk | November 4, 2008 11:10 PM
wow i guess a lot of people are in the same situation as i am but reading this and these comments helpede a lot :) thanks
Posted by Cathy | November 4, 2008 11:28 PM
I know this was posted a long time ago, but I wanted to add my two cents. I am constantly surrounded by some of the most amazing, christian guys that I'm proud to call some of my best friends. Every time I find myself wishing that I could have something more (with one in particular, lemme tell you!), it hits me. What DO I want? Do I just want to have them hug me more often and talk on the phone regularly? What would be my goal? I'm a long-term relationship kind of person- if I'm going to be somebody's girlfriend, I want it to eventually lead towards marriage, (No, not end in marriage; I think that the journey really starts after the "I do") not a breakup when we both graduate high school, or go to college. Things are so much easier when you're just friends, and you get the fringe benefit of gaining understanding and knowledge that will truly help you when you're in a romantic relationship.
Posted by Molly | November 12, 2008 11:25 AM
i think we need to think purely, and pray for that spaecial man to come to come to you through the lord! i'm waiting for that time
Posted by kenzie | November 15, 2008 6:08 PM
WOW!!! i'm having the same exact problem right now and i am just friends with him now, but he keeps trying to hook me up with his other friends because he found out that i liked him. I've been praying alot about it lately and i know without a doubt that God will take care of me.
Posted by Jennifer anne | November 20, 2008 4:41 PM
These girls have been amazing...This has helped me a lot cuz i do really like this guy..and ive ben really concerned about what God thinks...so far, i dont think this is what God wants so im just staying friends with the guy...but i also tend to love ppl more than God and that is a big problem...i need to put my focus back on Him and see where his amazing love takes me...
Posted by Jenna | November 21, 2008 6:35 PM
It's really hard to find the balance between God and boys, the right choice is God. I know from experience that God is not cool with anxiety, thats why He died for us-So that we could cast our cares on Him :)
Posted by Lindsey | December 4, 2008 9:28 PM
All of this is so inspiring and helpful! I am extremely glad to see that people my age, trying hard to be good Christians really do exist! and hey the "triangle" (i understood it,anyway,lol), reminded me of a saying I heard once. sorry that I cannot give credit to the writer ... "a woman's HEART should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find IT" ♥
Posted by Kay | February 10, 2009 10:13 PM
Whoa, i'm in exactly the same boat. Just recently this guy asked me out, who is a christian and things i've been looking for in a guy, but i am unsure of what God wants for me. I don't want to take off running in the opposite direction of God, that would only spell disaster. So i told the boy i would need to pray over it and see what God wanted me to do. Good article and advice. Thanks!!!
Posted by Kelsi | March 19, 2009 6:43 PM
Wow, all of this sounds too familiar. Having been in this exact situation for about two years now & we are still waiting for God's perfect timing. It's been hard individually, keeping our distance, loving each other enough to refrain from allowing words or actions to stir up each other's emotions prematurely. Staying there on my knees with God when it got tough, when i really didn't feel like obeying anymore. When it felt like i was going to lose him if i obeyed God.
But you know girls, in this period of time, God taught me so much more about love, than i ever knew. Through obeying his instructions to wait- i've seen this guy's obedience, love and submission to God. I've seen how much he loves me, enough to wait for such an extensive period of time & entrust me to God. His patience and faith in God, when when other guys make their advances and it makes all the sense in the world to blurt out what he feels so he doesn't risk losing out. When i see other girls throw themselves at him, and the pain in his eyes when i choose to stand my ground at a safe distance. Its been so hard! Yet time and time again, God shows me that our obedience is worth it. That He knows what is best for us.
Emotions are very powerful and real, yet fickle and not as reliable as we like them to be. When something is good, it isn't necessarily God's best. What seems good often becomes the enemy of God's best. When God seems silent, please don't take it as a 'yes', it usual means- 'wait'.
Recently, about a week back. God revealed to the both of us a glimpse of what He has been doing while we were waiting. How he has pieced parts of our lives together without us interfering, and girls you know the joy that wells up inside of me when i realize that God has been writing our love story, it really is so amazing. And looking back i'd really not have it any other way.
One thing that helped me through waiting, is the understanding that waiting does not mean, wasting away time, dreaming about the guy, wondering when God will say yes. 'Active waiting' is something we need to grasp- it means being faithful in doing well in the things God has currently put in your life. Glorify God with your life- in our school work, in our ministries in church, with our family. Pray for God's best, and leave Him to bring the right guy to you in His perfect timing! <3
Posted by Susanna | July 20, 2009 12:02 AM
Wow! This is amazing! Before reading this I felt kind of alone, as I am in the EXACT same situation right now. Since I had the opportunity to spend some time with this guy, I've really been praying about him.
The Lord has answered me with a "wait." However, I still find myself wondering what that means. Constantly, I find myself questioning, asking God if he means "yes, but wait." Still, He has found ways to communicate with me through people. It's funny, I'll randomly end up in a conversation with someone about the blessing of waiting on God. That's definitely a "God thing" there.
What is really hard about this whole ordeal is the strong emotions I'm going through. However, love is not a feeling. That is something I must constantly remind myself, daily, even hourly at this point. There are times where I want to sit back and daydream about this guy, but that would not be wise. I don't want to be ruled by my emotions; that's a very dangerous situation. I just want to live a Godly life and not miss out on everything the Lord has to offer!
Posted by Morgan | August 20, 2009 11:10 AM
Woahh! i cant imagine how God brought me here..and made me read all of your posts..now, i really know what He hmm..Before reading this,..
I've been worrying too much of my future with this Christian guy..we made plans and dreamed together putting God as the center of our relationship..but, the issue there is that we found out lately that my parents are not in favor of us..of our relationship..because of the "differences" they've been saying..
age gap ( the guy is 5 yrs younger than me), the religion ( yes, we're both Christians, but i'm a Catholic and he's a born again.), then the distance..he live islands away from me..
And yeaa, we've been crying soo much and talking too much to God for what we should do..and asking Him for answers..
Now i realize.. that God has been anwering me/us, i just didnt give the time to listen to Him..
But now, now i know.. that He wants me not to worry..and all i got to do is trust in Him..it's time to learn how to listen..because He has been answering me..
He knows everything..He knew us more than we know ourselves. Everything was recorded in His Book.. and i've been constantly praying that He will make me more like Him and less like me..
i know, God's working for the perfect lovestory for me. All i got to do is just..put my trust in Him.. and surrender my worries and believe that He will make a way..
Posted by Mae | October 6, 2009 9:12 PM