It’s easier said than done, but be patient. In telling him how you feel, are you hoping that he will realize the same for you? If he did, would you really want your relationship to begin that way – knowing that he only responded or liked you once you proclaimed your feelings? Guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Keep this in mind as well: when you are delighted in the Lord, your desire becomes what He desires for you (Psalm 37:4). It's not bad liking or crushing on boys. The only time wanting something (in this case, a boyfriend) is wrong is when (a) you know it's not in God's perfect will for you, or (b) you begin to break the Lord's commands in order to obtain your desire. The Lord will give you the desire of your heart. Let's pretend that a girl (let's call her Marie) likes a boy. Marie sees qualities in him that are fitting for a boyfriend, qualities that she admires. She is even in love with his faith and love for God. It is not wrong for Marie to hope that God's plan includes this boy in her future. It would become wrong, however, if Marie broke God's natural order of things, which is that the man is the leader and initiator, and pursued this boy. If she did that, it would prove not only that she is looking for satisfaction in the boy, but also that she does not trust God. If she had found delight in the Lord, and not the boy, she could be patient and trust that if God did not grant her request that he would have something even greater. Your job is to pursue the Lord, and His job will is to either change your desires to what is fitting to his will, or to give you what you wish for. Pray that you would not delight in a boyfriend or the blessing, but that you would simply delight in the Lord.
God's plans may or may not include dating this boy, and He will give you wisdom through His Word whether or not it is the best thing right now. After all, not every crush will end up in a relationship. There are a ton of guys in this world; some will want to date you and other won’t. But when you think about it, the only guy who you really want to even attract in the end is your husband.
It’s hard, but be patient.
Comments (29)
WOW! That was awesome! Although, that wasn't totally what i wanted to hear....it was what i needed to hear! Thanks for encouraging me to continue desiring the Lord and His will for my life!
Posted by Hannah | April 2, 2008 8:42 PM
This was a very good question to ask, and a very good answer.. i'm actually going through the same thing right now!!! thanks so much!!~
Posted by Addy | April 3, 2008 8:29 PM
wow! thanks. that was a good reminder that God is in control of our lives and that we should let him take care of things.
Posted by jackie | April 3, 2008 10:12 PM
That actually was a really good question. It's kinda crazy (or not when gods involved) but I am/was kinda going through the same thing atm. I thought he was amazing and everyone thought we would be perfect, so I asked God if it was waht he wanted and if he could give me a sign and he did. I stopped liking him and saved myself from getting hurt. Just trust in God and he'll look out for you! :)
Posted by janet | April 7, 2008 1:56 AM
O my goodness i can't belive that you would say that men have to be the leader. Are you crazy????? I thought this website was about supporting females. I think that girls can be initiators also. If you like this boy it would be best to spend some time with him and start a friendship and let him get to know you better. If he likes you after that he'll ask you to be more than just friends. If you don't get close it will be obvious that this relationship won't work. The basis of every romantic relationship should be friendship!!!! Also it's not God's job to give you what you want He will do what is best for you because he love you!!!
Posted by evie | April 10, 2008 5:03 PM
That was a great answer. Thanks for that! The information is helpful in answering this question with the teen girl group I work with in the future.
Posted by lizzie | April 16, 2008 4:17 PM
To Evie:
Actually, God did set it up for men to be the initiators in a relationship, as well as the leader of a household. This website does support us girls, and the statement that men are the initiators in a relationship doesn't bash us girls in any way whatsoever. That's the way that the Lord designed it, His wonderful, perfect plan! :D Guys are supposed to PURSUE us! Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't talk to a guy or be friends with him, and that's not what this website is saying at all, by any means. But if the guy is truly interested in you, he will pursue that relationship...in God's timing. But we shouldn't try to push anything to soon, and pushing a friendship that he doesn't really care about isn't the right thing to do either. I'm just saying this as a sister in Christ. Hang in there, God only wants the best for you!
Posted by morgan | April 18, 2008 8:04 PM
That was a great question. I know I am not going through it right now, but I have before, and probably will again! Thanks for the advice!
Posted by Morganne | April 20, 2008 2:09 PM
To Morgan:
First of all I completely disagree with you about men running households.Where do you get this information from? What are single women supposed to do?
Secondly what if a guy really likes you but he's just an extremely nervous being? Shouldn't you try to help him out a little?
Posted by evie | April 28, 2008 6:07 PM
to evie
Evie, men are God's chosen leaders. That doesn't mean that women are any less in God's eyes and we shouldn't be any less in the world. We are equals, but we are the perfect complement for each other, just like God planned for us. Guys are the hunters and providers. We are the nurturers and comforters. It is a wonderful thing, and men and women are equals. We are supposed to follow our husbands, and support them, that doesn't mean we're going to do everything they say! we just should have mutual respect for them. And i've always thought that flirting is a good thing (but not too much, and ONLY with the people you actually like!!!!!!) You should really read THE DIRT ON DATING by Haley DiMarco. She provides the scriptures you need to understand this wonderful relationship. John Piper also provides a lot of insight on it.
God Bless!
Angel
Posted by angel | May 14, 2008 3:14 PM
This was a great article. I'm going through the same thing right now, and I've been told by my parents and God that I should just wait patiently. I've even asked God for a sign, and he provided me with dozens {O! Me of little faith.}
This is the final sign, seriously. I'm going to sit and wait patiently and fall more and more in love with God. Thanks a ton for this article!
Posted by Ashleigh | May 16, 2008 10:49 PM
Thank you so so much for this article!! The title explains exactly whats happening to me. We are really good friends and kinda understand each other. Almost everybody i know likes him because hes hot. I like him because hes a christian and loves the lord. We have alot in common and we BOTH hove good (purity) values. I admire his values, sense of humor,and love for the lord. I am afraid to tell him my feelings for him. Should i tell him or just keep praying?
Posted by Anonymous | July 1, 2008 11:04 AM
wow. i really needed to hear that. not that i wanted to.
i really like this guy, except he doesn't know it. i know him pretty well, and i'm friends with his sisters. i really don't think i should tell him and just wait and see what happens, but it's really hard. i'm kinda in the same situation as "anonymous" up there.
he has amazing values, loves the Lord and pretty much puts his whole life toward serving. and he's commited to staying pure until his wedding. not even kissing a girl, before his wedding day.
anyways, just thought i'd put that out there. =]
Posted by Anonymous | July 2, 2008 4:58 PM
i have the same problblem there is this guy that i like but we're bestfriends. should i tell? if i do wil it ruin our friendship. he is sweet and is a bleiver in christ and love his church what do I do.......................
Posted by Anonymous | July 6, 2008 2:50 PM
Morgan and Angel, right on! You guys SAID IT! I compltely agree with you two!! Men are the initiators. That doesn't demean us, it is just how God intended things to be. Anyways, I don't get that whole "girl power" thing like some girls think. Men are the perfect match for us. I clicked on this question because I'm struggling with this now. Not so much that I should tell him, but if it's right. He's my best friend's older brother. Great Christian guy. I just really like him, you know? Except he really doesn't seem like me too much. lOl. His sister said that he talks about me all the time though. I thought that was really surprising. He sure doesn't show it around me!
Posted by BallerinaGirl | July 23, 2008 5:32 PM
Thank you! That's really helpful!
Posted by Bailey | July 31, 2008 11:27 AM
I, too, am going through this issue in my life right now...and when I was halfway through the article, I felt the Holy Spirit stirring in me and a gush of tears came out. Anyways, I felt God speaking to me...to "Rest in Me (God)" and I surrendered the guy I had in my heart and my future husband to God's will. And I spoke to God with my special language and now I feel so satisfied with God, content. Thank You SOO much for answering this question!!!!
Posted by Abby | August 4, 2008 11:57 PM
You said it BallerinaGirl...I am going through this right now and i think that it was God's will that i read this article when i did. We are all meant to be with one guy in the future but only ONE!!! We have to realize that as much as we like a guy, he may not be the future husband that God wants us to have. Thanks sooo much! I know you have helped many girls and will continue to help more..
Posted by Jenna | September 4, 2008 7:19 PM
WOW!! This is an awsome question i've been wondering the same thing! This is going to be hard for me to do. cuz every time i like some1 i try to find a reason to go talk to him. That's not very smart because then that guy eventually finds out i like him and then avoids me!!! thanx to whoever asked this question it will help me alot!!!!
Posted by Brenna | October 4, 2008 12:09 PM
Thanks! This is really encouraging!
Posted by M | April 15, 2009 10:14 PM
theres this guy at my church that i like. he isn't cute, but i still like him and hes a really good christain and is nice to his older sisters and good friends with them. hes funny and i went 2 school with him 4 3 weeks(i know, it's a short time,) and that's how we became friends. everyone thought i liked him, and still do, and i heard that he hates me. then a few weeks ago he says hi 2 me at church and im starting 2 wonder if he ever liked me or if he actually hates me. idk if i should tell him i like him but say that i want 2 be friends cause i want 2 be friends with him, so HELP!!!!!!!!!
Posted by ananymous | May 25, 2009 7:25 PM
I am going through this same thing sort of. I told the guy that i liked him and he has a gf too.
Posted by Paxton | July 19, 2009 6:29 PM
For me, I like a boy, and I think he likes me, but I don't know for sure if he does like me. We go to the same church, but we rarely talk, and when we do, it's mostly just saying hi. Last week, his best friend came to me and asked me if I liked him, and I didn't answer. now I'm feeling bad that I didn't answer, but I don't know what to do. I'll see him and his friend tomorrow night at church, and I know this is on short notice, but could you guys (Oops!! gals) help me?
Posted by Esther | July 28, 2009 3:16 PM
OH MY GOSH! i'm dealing with this right now, man did this speek to me. you galls are brilliant! this really shined some light onto this subject. I'm interestied in a guy at church too. i feel completely clueless.
THis guy knows i like him, thanks to his sister whose a good friend of mine. Last night was the was the first time that he has seen me since he fuond out i like him. He didn't act differently, he was himself but when it was time for me to go, he saw my dad's car & Yelled to the whole world that my dad was there to pick me up. he dosen't normally do that. He just waves & he's only done that for the past 3 weeks but what was that yelling to the whole world about? He knew i was right there. During Worship he was at the end of the pew i & my friends were sitting in & he wasn't with hos best friend ( a bff's boyfriend)I know that they were'nt mad at each other. i've been told he has a gf but his sister says he dosen't, not to minchen i've never hears him talk about a gf. i really don't know what to do. Shuold i tell him? or shuold i not tell him? his sis said to not tell him. well actually she made a "don't do it" face. I've been praying for good godly guy. & He is one. he's got a huge family (he's one of 5). & He's realy close to his sisters, he's soooo funny! BUt all the girls likes him, but not why i like him, they all like him because he's cute. BUt i like him for all the reasons i listed above & more. anything he dose or says to get a laugh i can garentee i am laughing. I try to talk to him but it's kinda wierd, i don't know why. I came at the begaining of May so i'm not really new. Everyone feels like family well most of everybody. but this guy acts differently than everyone else. At first thuoght it ws becuase he's a guy but i've made friends with the other guys in our youth so that's not it. is it? It's not like we can't talk, you know, we can say hi & things like that. idk what's wrong.We were kinda closer befor Church camp now we'er not. is somthing wrong? He jokes aruond with me & has done afew flirty things. but that really mean he likes dose he like me or not? Should i ask? he's left me with alot a questions that idk how to anser.
Please help!
Posted by God'sgrl | July 30, 2009 4:20 PM
Man was this an awsome artilcal or what? I, like tons of you other ladies out there, are going threw the exact same thing(i never knew how many girls were going threw what i am going threw). i go to church with a guy & i'm friends with his sister, like many of you, & she ended up telling him. Oh well, i'm normally like, "you said what to him!!!!????", " you told him!" & other things of that sort. so this really helped. BUt yah, this guy, i figured he'll find out soon enough so why not. this is an awsome artical, not exactly what i wunted to hear but it is what i needed to hear.
thanks agian!
Posted by Rachel | July 30, 2009 5:00 PM
Okay so I completly disagree with this blog. Yes in the bible it says wives submit to your husbands but now where does that line say that women can not pursue men. Now I am not suggesting that girls go throw themselves at boys but there is nothing wrong in telling a boy that you like him. Also you can't state, as you did at the begining, that you don't want the realtionship to stem from a boy feeling something for you because of a girl expressing her feelings. Because if you wait for the guy to come to you aren't you going to date him based on the fact that he has expressed these feelings to you? Also if women have to wait for men to come to them where is that line drawn? As we can recall in the bible Mary Magdelin approaches Jesus to wash his feet with oil; he did not ask her to do this she volunteered. Are we then saying Mary is wrong? If you are, aren't you taking away from what led Mary to follow Jesus? All in all if you like a guy yes pray about it go with what feels right and if that happens to be for you to make the first move go for it.
Posted by B | September 16, 2009 3:36 PM
I'm a kid and i really like this boy ''Brennen'' but he dosen't like me.
You gave me good advice.
Posted by Anonymous | October 23, 2009 6:31 PM
This really helped alot! But I still have some questions, ok I have a crush this boy and he is really nice and a christian but i don't think he even relizes i exist! My friends keep on trying to tell him that I like him but I keep stoping them. Should I just let them tell him, or should I talk to him? Or should I just wait and see what will happen?
Posted by Anonoymous | November 1, 2009 12:08 PM
I wish I could have help with a boy I like but now he is going out with a other girl I wish I could have help to go out with him to me he is very cure
Posted by Anonymous | November 7, 2009 1:56 PM