It is vitally important to respect your parents, and also to want to have open communication with them. Both of these can be reached, but it may take some healing if there has already been misunderstanding between you. So be patient, and let’s get to work.
First of all, there are some rules involved with effective communication. Timing is probably the most essential ingredient. So ask yourself, am I approaching my parents when they are tired or frustrated or busy? If so, pick another time, or ask them to pick another time. Something like, “Mom, there’s something I’d like to talk with you about. Can you let me know when it’s good for you to talk?” This will show thoughtfulness and respect on your part. Timing is also important on your side - are you tired or frustrated or busy? Then wait a bit.
Another essential ingredient is to avoid heated emotions. If you are upset about something, take 10 or 15 minutes to cool down, so you can discuss it more objectively and dispassionately. Say something like, “Dad, I want to talk about this some more, but I need to take a few minutes to think about it.” This will also show both thoughtfulness and respect. It’s also important to remember that the loaded phrases “You always” and “You never” are both completely ineffective, and will just paint you as a drama queen to your parents. It feels horrible not to be taken seriously by someone you are truly trying to talk to. Instead try the phrase “I feel…” – this simple switch will change negative and defensive feedback, to a response that’s more receptive and open to the matter at hand.
Also, consider that when you open a conflict with someone, anyone, you need to be ready to hear what they have to say in return. Listen without being defensive, and without planning what you are going to say in rebuttal. Listen humbly.
Communication is important in all relationships, especially those in a family. With some practice, you can effectively express yourself to your parents, and they will hear what’s important to you. It takes a humble heart and a willingness to be wrong. Keep working, and you’ll do great!
Matthew 19:19, “Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.”
