How do you know if you’re a good friend?

According to Emmerson, “the only way to have friends is to be one.” But what exactly does it mean to ‘be a friend’?

From personal experience, we can conclude that being a good friend is not based on genes or even one characteristic of someone’s personality. Rather, multiple factors are at play. Now, because every relationship is different, these factors can change and vary – depending upon the circumstances or issues you and your friend(s) experience.

But before defining ‘good’ qualities in a friend, let’s first review the opposite: what does it mean to not be a friend?

• Self-centeredness: Does the conversation always revolve around you? Are you addicted to being the center-of-attention?
• Unwilling to compromise: Do you only eat and shop where you want to go? Do you ask your friends which concert or movie they would like see?
• Being Inconsiderate: Are you always late when meeting your friends? Do you ask them how they are doing? Or even for their opinion?

With that in mind, let’s get back to the question: what does it mean to be a good friend? Obviously, the opposite of the above qualities mentioned would be true. But let’s dig a little deeper.

• Selfless: Do you think of others before yourself? [Philippians 2:3, I Peter 5:5]
• Honest/Trustworthy/Loyal: Are you honest with your friends? Would you tell them they have broccoli in their teeth or that a certain outfit was a little too revealing? Can you keep a secret? [Proverbs 27:17]
• Considerate/kind: Do you always have to be first in line? Do you share?

From a survey I conducted between a handful of friends, here are some additional characteristics that can impact the quality of a friendship:

• Being Available: Time is valuable; do you make yourself available for your friends (via Email? Facebook? Texting? In person?)?
• Being a Good Listener: We have two ears, and only one mouth. If you don’t listen to your friends, how will you know what’s going on in their life?
• Encourages You in Your Faith: Do you pray together? When’s the last time you talked about what God is doing in your life?
• Being Accountable: In knowing each other’s favorite color, favorite Starbuck’s drink and secret crush, are you holding each other accountable for your actions? Your thoughts and speech? The way you dress or even in your devotions?

This list is in no way complete; but I hope it helps you identify both good and bad qualities in friends. If you are curious, be bold and ask your friends! It’s the best way the two of you can understand each other’s perspective.

Friends come and go. Some are meant for a season, and some are meant for a lifetime. Not every person we come into contact will become a friend, or a best-friend for that matter. And while friendships sometimes have their ups and downs, we always have the opportunity (and choice) to share God’s compassion and kindness with others. Isn’t that what becoming Christ-like is all about?

What do you think? What makes a ‘good friend’?

Take the quiz

You have plans to go to the game with your friends. A few days before the game, the guy you like asks you if you want to go with him. You…
a. tell him maybe next week but you already have plans. You never dump your friends for a guy.
b.Tell your friends sorry – my crush asked me out.

You have a crush on one of your friend’s boyfriends, and he starts to flirt with you online. You….
a. copy and paste his comments and send them on to your friend to warn her. The crush is officially over.
b. flirt anyway – it’s all harmless fun, right?

A friend starts to trash one of your other friends. You….
a. get your nerve up and tell her, “hey, I like her.” Case closed.
b. nod your head but don’t say anything. You don’t want to make waves.

One of your friends calls you and is really upset about a fight she just had with someone. You are about to leave to go to the mal and spend one of the gift cards you got for your birthday. You…
a. drop your plans to go to the mall and head over to your friend’s house.
b. console her over the phone as best you can and then offer to call her later when you get home from the mall.

You best friend gets invited to a pasty that you wanted to go to but didn’t invited. You….
a. are hurt, but you don’t let her know. You want her to have a good time and not worry about you.
b. whine and complain to her until she feels guilty for getting an invitation.

If you answered (b) one or less times, you are an awesome friend. Bravo, way to go!
If you answered (b) two or three times, you may want to brush up on your friendship skills. Make an effort to think of other before yourself.

If you answered (b) four or five times, you need to do some serious soul-searching. If you’re not willing to change, you may want to get a gerbil to keep you company on the weekends. Your friends won’t put up with your friendless ways for long.