The main thing to understand in this situation is that guys are different from girls. I know you are thinking that you already knew that, but beyond that, we as girls need to recognize that guys do friendships differently than girls. We hug our girlfriends, hit them when they make a joke, and giggle at every funny thing they say. We call them to tell them every detail of our lives, IM them as soon as we get on the computer, and tag them in all our Facebook pictures.
For the most part, boys do not do things like this with their guy friends. Sure, they kid around with each other and laugh together, but they do it in a way that is much different from girls. They may post some of their new pictures on Facebook, but I would guess that they post fewer than girls and don’t tag every one of their guy friends in every picture, and then comment on all their other guy friends pictures about how cute they look and how much they miss each other. They just don’t. That would be weird.
Therefore, when we as girls treat guys like we treat our girlfriends, they don’t know what to do with it! It’s not normal to them, and when they feel like a girl is giving them special treatment (even though she treats all her other friends that way) there is a good chance he will think that she likes him. Even if it doesn’t make sense to us as girls, and even if our motives are purely platonic, we have to be sensitive to the way guys view our behavior towards them. I am definitely not saying that we need to ignore guys or never laugh at their jokes, but it is easier to build friendships with guys when we respect them by recognizing that they are sons of God. We need to respect the differences between guys and girls, and treat the guys around us like we would treat a brother. Romans 12:10 explains this perfectly. “Be devoted to one another brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)
Here are some ways to make sure a guy knows you are just his friend:
- Hang out with him when other people your age are around instead of one-on-one.
- Call him if you need something, instead of “just to talk.”
- IM him every once in a while, instead of every time you get on the computer- let him initiate the conversation sometimes!
- Laugh at funny things he says like you would with all your friends, but be keep your giggling from going over the top.
- Be your normal friendly self!
Comments (10)
Guys know that I'm a christian so... That stuff usually doesn't happen to me unless there are new guys at my church or at my school but sooner ot later they figure out that I'm a girl that wats to be their friend.
Posted by Kristin age 12 | October 6, 2007 11:00 PM
hey thank you
Posted by charianna | November 6, 2007 2:02 PM
I really enjoyed reading this article.This stuff usually happens to me...alot and i always wondered why.I guess sometimes that i forget guys are wayyy different than girls and they might get the wrong impression if i IM them alot or text them.Thanks for this article ....it has helped me understand alot of things!!!
Posted by layna | December 23, 2007 3:47 PM
This really opened my eyes to the fact that guys think differently than girls, we just think we are being nice but they think we are being more than that. It helped me understand why they act weird when I am friendly like that though.
Posted by Briannon | December 27, 2007 6:08 PM
I am really glad this queston was asked. I have a couple guy friends and one is forteen. (I'm 13) I think he is starting to figure out I'm a girl and by reading this it will really help me know how to act around him.
Posted by Cassie | February 28, 2008 10:52 AM
OMW!!!! i thank the person SOOOOOOO much who asked this question because i have some guys in my class and at the beginning of the year, one of them thought that i liked them!(probably because im the biggest flirt ever!!!lol) But i told him and explained everything to him and now we are really good friends!!! THANX AGAIN!
Posted by Ashlyn York | March 5, 2008 9:55 AM
Why do guys hold grudges longer than girls? and how do you apoligize to a guy without looking "too sweet?"
Posted by Julie | March 14, 2008 11:49 PM
I feel the same way sometimes. I never realized that guys take those little things in so differently. I'm not old enough to be dating, so when a guy not too long ago NEARLY asked me out, it kind of caught me off guard. I was trying to figure out if I was sending him the wrong message or what. I could tell he was kind of hurt when I quickly changed the subject because I realized he was about to ask me out. My friend who knows him well even told me that he was kind of offended. I didn't mean to hurt him, but, I think what I did was better than telling him "no". I just will now be a little more conscientous of the way I act around guys.
Posted by BallerinaGirl | May 12, 2008 6:47 PM
I've been recognizing a pattern of this, and I was curious as to why and this totally cleared it up! I really enjoy your books and articles, thanks so much!
Posted by Alyssa | July 17, 2008 11:47 PM
guys take things further than we r thinking about sometimes, especially physical contact, Warning:be careful of hugs, don't hug a guy every time you see him, and when you do, side-hugs are so much better, my guy friends have said they appreciate it when girls recognize their struggle and try to help. Also, be careful of what you wear, guys have said, "what girls say is'cute' well, cute is the last word going through my head, it's personal torture, i wish they'd just cover up!"
Posted by bella | August 24, 2008 2:59 PM