First, I feel I must tell you something that may shock you: just because your friends are good Christians does not mean that they would never do anything bad. Every single person in the world has the ability to do bad things- and because we are human and imperfect, everyone in the world, including your friends, will make poor choices at one point or another.
My parents were overprotective too- and now that I am older I am so glad! Your parents are overprotective because they love you. If your parents set little to no boundaries for you, this would be a far less loving response. Your parents care about you, they want to see you grow up under God. How can you respect God’s authority unless you respect your parent’s authority?
Maybe your parents do have a few rules that are a little extreme. It’s okay to want to know the reasoning behind some of their rules; you can discuss that with your parents. But you need to be very aware of your timing. Some times that are NOT good to discuss changing rules are:
- When you are in the middle of a conflict over the rule. For example: if you just argued with your mom about taking out the trash and she is reprimanding you, that is not a good time to question why you have to take out the trash in the first place.
- If your parents have just gotten home from work or when they are tired, don’t get in their face and ask them about rules. They are not going to want to work with you.
- When your parents are busy- like when dad is washing the car or mom is paying the bills. Bad timing.
At a time when you both can discuss the issue reasonably is the time that you can approach them about a rule that is bothering you. When you ask them about a rule, be specific! Don’t just say “you are too overprotective” because this is too vague. If you have a question about curfew say, “Mom, can you please tell me why you want me home every day, including the weekends, by 8? Do you think we could talk about the possibility of my being allowed to stay out until 9 on Friday and Saturday?” Don’t say, “I feel like Cinderella! You never let me do anything fun at night!”
They may surprise you by loosening up, depending on the situation. Or they may explain to you why the rule is as restrictive as it is. You need to be willing to accept either outcome before you bring up the conversation. You absolutely must be submissive to what they have to say. Again, your parents love you so much! They aren’t out to get you, they aren’t trying to make your life miserable, and its not that they don’t want you to have fun- they establish rules for you because that is their job as parents.
Comments (5)
My parents are very strict,but they let me off the hook sometimes, because I asked them about it. Maybe you should do the same......just try it.
Posted by carly valentine | January 7, 2008 9:11 PM
My parents have lots of rules that seem rather strict to me. I've talked with my dad about these rules, and, after considering what he said, I know that what he and my mom are doing are for my own benefit. In truth, if it weren't for these rules that many people call too strict, I would be a much less virtuous person. I have my parents, and God of course, to thank for the Christian woman I am growing up to be.
Posted by Rachel | April 13, 2008 5:30 PM
just show them that you can do it...you can do what ever you put your mind to. Tell them that God is with you and if they want to be over protected they can be over protected but you can go to GOD cause he is always there to lead you through the bad times.
Posted by Christine | May 12, 2008 6:53 AM
i live with my dad and he drives me insane with his rules. im old enough to take care of myself and yet he wants to keep me inside the house. he hardly lets me on the street let alone in town and he never lets me sleep at my friends house even though she is only around the corner. everytime i try to talk to him about it he yells at me so i can't speak with him about it. ive said to his face that i hate him and im not a child anymore, but he is having none of it. i actually wish he wasn't my dad! he thinks that buying me things that involves indoor activities is a way of protecting me but he is just making it worse, and i really do not know what to do because i can't talk to him and he never listens, someone please help me =[
Posted by stacey | July 12, 2008 5:33 PM
For Stacey (July 12)~
I'm not sure how old you are, or where you live, but your dad could have very good reasons for not allowing you out with friends. But, that doesn't help how you're feeling. I really do understand. I was there, too, but with my mom. I'm grown now, and have a son. But there's a teenage girl in my neighborhood that I'm friends with and we go to ballgames together, cook, etc. and sometimes she just hangs out at our house. It's a safe place where she can just be herself. Sometimes her friends come over, too. We eat ice cream and watch movies.
Have you thought about a mentor? It should be someone that you can confide in, a Christian, that you can really trust. This may be able to help get you out more. Your dad is more likely to allow you out with an adult...preferably someone who can be a "big sister" to you.
Good luck!! I'll be praying for you!!
Brenda
Posted by Brenda Tuck | July 23, 2008 3:36 PM