How can you tell the difference between being in love and having a huge crush on someone?

Do you know what the word infatuation means? It is defined as a short-lived, foolish, unreasoning or extravagant attraction to someone or something. A crush is the same thing! Crushes are normally something that develops after only a short time of knowing a person. During this time, you probably get butterflies in your stomach every time you are around your crush, daydream and draw tiny hearts all over your schoolwork, and wonder does he like me, too? These are normal feelings at any age, and are experienced many times over.

So then, what makes the difference between the feelings of a crush and the feelings of being in-love? Have you ever looked at what love is from a Biblical standpoint? 1 Corinthians 13 defines love clearly:

Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Love, therefore, encompasses a whole world of feelings and actions. Whereas a crush is passive: love is active. Love is also something that develops gradually, over time. Yes, there are stories of people who meet and experience love-at-first-sight, get married and live happily ever after, but the majority of lasting relationships take time to grow.

Somewhere in the middle of just a crush and love is being in-love. Being in-love is the process of loving the other person and it will either turn into genuine love (see 1 Corinthians 13), or fade into friendship.

It is important not to rush things in a relationship. Let me ask you this: Have you gotten to be friends with the boy you like? Do you not only know his interests and passions, but also share yours with him? Friendship is a great basis for a deeper relationship. Be smart enough to know that a true love relationship is based on far more than just looks and crush-like interest. It’s grounded in faithfulness and a commitment to love/serve/honor the other person even when feelings fade or the giddiness disappears. Crushes manifest in feelings. Love manifests in action.


Comments (27)

Alessandra:

I believe that the differences in a crush and true love is huge, first of all a crush is your initial attraction and outlook on someone. Were as love goes deeper to the times were it gets hard. Two people that have commitment, friendship, and attraction is when there is true love.

beka:

Yeah, i totally agree. its just, when you have all that and that guy isnt a christian, its really hard and confusing. It really stinks that someone so great becomes ur best friend and you dont know what he really believes.

Emily:

I really enjoyed reading over this! I loved the bible verse put out for us it really helps the reader and more specific me to understand what love really is and how to keep your relationship true and healthy-Thanks

Princess:

1st off i think that you should be friends with a guy & work your way in2 a relationship over time. You need 2 get to know the guy & wat hes about & more importantly KNOW if hes a christian. Once BOTH of you trust each other sit him down & tell hin how you feel about him. It will be easier & alot less akward!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

Kaitlyn:

OMG! i have been really confused on how 2 tell if u really love someone or if it is just a short lived crush. it can b so confusing at times but when i look at the scripture and read the words thet God gave 2 me, i understand so much more! but the best thing is that you don't have 2 fill that empty space with a guy 2 "love" you. God can do that so much better than any guy in the world. it's just so amazing 2 kno that! so when i feel upset or down b/c a guy let me down, i rnu 2 Him cuz i kno He will always b there 4 me. now that's something 2 smile about!!!

Katie:

I totally agree with Princess!! Girl, rock on and keep it up! Yeah I've made an idiot out of myself & believed a lie...more than once. I guess I should've learned the first time...I guess that's just a part of learning. Well all I can say is that Jesus Christ is the prince in all the fairy tales, the guy who'll ALWAYS be there for you, and don't worry; you don't have to ask Him if he loves you...He already does! Y'all should listen to "For the Ladies" ,or something like that, by KJ-52. Well, y'all, you guys are awesome and God always loves you and he always will, no matter what u do!! Always know that! Luvs & Hugs From Mississippi!!! Good 'ole Poplarville!

Bree:

Man, I wish I would have known this sooner! I was in 7th grade and me and this dude, Andrew, were going out for about a couple days by then. We kissed...alot...and before we did he told me he loved me. My response was "I love you to." That was a big mistake. Then not to long after he was talking about his family and out of no where he just brings up, "Which I hope you'll be apart of someday." I was shocked and I just nodded my head. I don't know why I did. So, I wish I would have known that sooner. Love is forever - crushes are for never!

carly valentine:

HElP,I dont now what to do. thers a RRREEELLLLLLLYYYY CUTE GUY, but I dont now if I am cruching are in love. Please,help me

Well, if you really 'love' or 'crush' on him because he is cute, then it's probably just an infatuation. Real relationships go soooo much deeper. "Crushes manifest in feelings. Love manifests in action." This passage is the best I've heard on this subject. Thanks so much!! I've been taught that love is an action. I don't come across many people who believe the same thing. It's nice to know that others do understand that!

Emily:

Well that pretty much answers a question for me. It really wasn't a question that bothered me, but it was just kind of there waiting to be answered. So I'm happy I found the answer. THANKS~~Emily

Ananymous:

Well thanx I just Have a question that wasn't answered when I read this. What if you have had crush on a person for years?

Abby:

Um...yeah, I have totally been struggling with this and I am so totally thankful for whoever wrote this article or posted!!! It helps to know others in Christ are going through the same issue and I'm not alone.
:)

Kailey:

Okay there is this guy who is like my best friend and we've been friends for about a year now. We hang out all the time and we are really close. And i like him and i think he does back to me, but i dont want to confess to him cause i know that would make our friendship awkward, but i have a feeling that i should. So what should I do or any suggestions for me?

Jamie:

Kailey - here's a question or two back to you. How much time do you spend talking to God about this relationship? Do you think you can trust Him with the whole thing if you just leave it in His hands? Remember that He loves you more than any person on this earth ever will and is very invested in every decision you make.

Brenna:

AHHHH! I wish i would have read this earlier. When i was in 6th grade iwent out witha guy that i didnt even know we broke up because of that and now we are best friends but i realize that if i would have kept going out with him i wouldnt have him as a friend now. and come to think of it he makes a better friend than boyfriend. Even though i still have a CRUSH(not love) on him (and he knows it) i just want to be friends

Jay:

I definetly got the point of love. God, somehow showed me who is my lover so I don't have to worry of dating. I have ingraved in my mind 1 Corinthians 13. I will forever and always think of that scripture. I know feel as if I've never been really in love. It clears a lot. THANKS A LOT.!!!!!!!!!

Sammi:

There is a guy, just like most of you who I really like. At first it was that butterflies in the stomach, crushy sort of feeling. I knew I the right thing to do was take it to God. I have been praying so hard that God gives me patience and his will be done. I am so thankful that I have been doing this because God is showing me things in this guy that are absolutly amazing and i dont think we would be able to discuss them if we were going together. I just pray that God gives me the right words to say to this guy and that he will speak through me. Love from Baton Rouge, La.

Trinity:

I have herd this before, and reading it... I am still confused on how to identify the difference.

BridgerAnne:

Wow! This post has helped me so much! I have been seeing this boy for a few months.. He is the first guy to accept every part of me, even my flaws. I love that about him. When I am telling him goodbye, I just want to be able to say it, but I'm no fool. I wanted to make sure that what I was feeling is actually love and not just infatuation. I have been tossing and turning about it in my mind and after reading over 1 Corinthians 13, I know that what I am feeling is not a lie. My guy is a great one, and a gift from God. Few girls are able to find a guy that becomes her best friend. I have that, and I am extremely blessed :)

BridgerAnne:

Oh, and Trinity: The way I figured it out is by reading the verse and checking them off in my head. Like, is the love that you share with this boy patient? Is it kind? Do either of you keep records of wrongs? That is one sure- fire way to tell. But if you're not in a relationship, it is definitely harder to tell. One way is by thinking, well I really love this boy, but since we're not together, what does that say about his love for me? If he does not love you or act as if he cares for you, then you're NOT in love. I used to think that I was in love with this boy, but it was just a silly crush. I regret spending so much time trying to conform and change for him when he was NOT the one for me. Here is a tip ladies, run as fast as you can towards Christ and the things he wants for you first. Then once you feel ready, look and see who is running with you. The boy standing next to you is the one.

Anonymous:

im pretty good friends with this guy at school. we joke with eachother and i hav a lot of fun with him.we talk a lot at school,do projects and assignments together alot, and we've done stuff together a few times since we live near eachother. but i still spend lots of time with my girl friends, its not like i ignore them, and i still spend more time with them than with him. everyone, all my friends and people at school say he likes me, and at first i think i just liked him as a friend, but now i think i really like him as more than a friend,now that i've got 2 no him. hes not really that cute, compared 2 some boys in my school he isn't even cute, but his personality kind of makes him cute 2 my eyes. i hav a few problems though. my parents won't let me date until im like 18, so i dont know what 2 do, and they won't let me do anything else with him anymore, i dont know if i should tell him that i like him, i dont want 2 ruin our relationship, and im not sure myself if he likes me, and hes not a christain, and he swears a little. i hav got him 2 come 2 some church activities a few times, but i know that hes probably not going 2 becom a christain. i know i wont end up marrying him probably, but i still think it would be ok if we did stuff together as friends without dating. my parents say if you spend time with a boy you share u r heart with him and thats not good. i dont know if ive been doing that, we mainly talk about sports and light stuff like that, but im still not sure. HELP!!!!!!!!

Leanne:

Thanks soooo much for this wonderful article!!!! it has really helped me to realize the difference between a crush and actual love!!!! I have liked this boy in my youth group for about 2 years now and he is starting to talk to me and show some interest in me. He is a good christian boy and his grandpa is the pastor of my church.... i know tht God will lead me in the right direction whether it be to date this boy or to stay single for a while!!!! Much love from Kentucky:-P

Mary:

Real love is a tough topic. You know you have a crush on a person if you are always trying to figure things out about them through other people, and you don't talk to them all that much, and when you do, you smile, laugh, tease and joke around a lot. However, if you are in love, you talk to them all the time, you have had time to know them, you and they share respect and kindness. You don't like seeing them hurt because it causes you pain also, and you encourage them on anything. You do not like seeing them anything but happy, because it makes you worried about them. You actually want to take the time to hear about all the details in there day, even if it is if they were thinking about troubles they have, or listen to them get into depth about how they were thinking about florida in french or spanish class. It does not matter what they are doing or talking about, you want to hear it and do whatever with them, because you care about them and want to spend an unlimited amount of time knowing them.

ashtyn :

Ok to start off im in the 5th grader now.P.S.im just now starting 5th grade.But there this guy named tanner and i like him and everyone knows but he likes me to infact he's the one who started this cause in 3rd grade tanner told his friend dylon that he liked me so dylon told me.but ever sence then ive started to like him back. Please Help Me!I dont know if its love that is posible or imposiple.Please write back and i mean it cause i need your help with love!

Brittney:

cant even describe how much that article helped me!!! im sorta young but ive been crushing on this guy since i was even younger!!! our families r really good friends and his younger sister is my BFF-- which makes it REALLY oquard. we both have older sisters that joke around about us saying that were "such a cute couple" cuz we both like each other and know about it and all that but its really, quite oquard. were friends but only on email and when none of my "girl friends" r around.... anyway, his older sister pointed me towards this site cuz she's kinda going thrue the same thing and i was really surprised @ how much i could relate 2 it. thanx SOOOO much 2 whoever wrote that article cuz it really helps!!!!

jamie:

Brittney - you are welcome and we're so glad it helped!

Brittany:

I know that this is a few years late comment but I just found out about this website. This whole love confusion is why I made up this saying "True love is Gods love"
:)

Post a comment