My mom and I fight constantly, and I never feel good enough for her. What can I do?
Know that you are not alone in this difficult time that you are having with your mom. If you were to take a poll of all teenagers, you would probably find that the majority of them go through tough times with their parents at some point in their teen years. Here are a couple of things that you might try to ease the tension between you and your mom.
- Watch your attitude. When you approach your mom with a problem, be careful not to place blame on her. Tell her how you feel instead of how awful her actions were. Instead of saying to her, "You always bring up what I did in the past", try saying to her in a gentle voice, "It really hurts my feelings when you bring up my past mistakes. It makes me feel like you can't trust me."
- Avoid. Avoid using words like “never” and “always” when talking about how you feel. This is exaggerating, and it might make you seem less sincere because you are over-inflating your feelings. Also, avoid talking to your mom in the “heat of the moment.” Wait until you are calm and can carry on a mature conversation without raising your voice. This will show maturity and might win respect in the eyes of your mom.
- Pray. You may have heard this time and again, but prayer always works. Sometimes we see answers to our prayers right away and sometimes it takes time. One thing is for sure, if prayer does not change your mom's heart, it will definitely change your heart. James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results."
- Look at your mom in a different way. This is one thing that I have learned to do with my mom as each year goes by. I have learned that my mom is not perfect and she is never going to be. My mom has a past that affects the way she sees life. My mom has bad days and days when she is grouchy. Chances are if you look closely, you will see that she has difficulties and problems just like you.
You cannot change your mom, but you CAN change the way you approach your mom. Seek the Lord and ask Him to fill you with His wisdom as you strive to make peace with your mom. James 1:5 says, "If you need wisdom-if you want to know what God wants you to do-ask him, and he will gladly tell you."
Comments (11)
me and my mom always fight it is because it seems like i am always wroong and she makes me do every thing when i am doing somethig a nd she does not i have to bring her the remote when i am typing this and she is watching t.v. that is what i do not get!!!!!!
Posted by Emma | October 23, 2007 8:05 PM
You need to have a talk with your mom and tell her how you feel. She'll understand and realize what was wrong before.
Posted by jesse | November 25, 2007 12:29 PM
me & my mom fight all the time! i hate it. i think a lot of it has to do with guys. i'm almost 15 years old and she doesn't like me liking guys. i mean, COME ON!
my mom expects me to be perfect, but i'm not..i just wish she would understand that. i know neither of us are perfect but, she is always blaming everything on me..the fights that my parents have together are all blammed on me. :( its hard. very hard.
Posted by Alissa | June 10, 2008 12:46 PM
my mom says things she doesn't mean when she's mad, but they really hurt. She blames me when me and my siblings don't get along. I feel like everything is my fault. sometimes it is my fault because I can't control my temper, but i have a brother and 2 sisters too! it's not just me!
Posted by anneke | July 2, 2008 11:37 AM
me and my mom fight a lot.. and most of the time it has to do with school. I knw i am not the most focussed person but my mom is always bragging on about her best friends daughter who also goes to my school. She said " oh danielle duz this danielle duz that" WHY DUZNT SHE JUST DISOWN ME AND ADOPT HER... when i tell her it makes me feel bad, she doesnt care.. she says i am just overreacting and if i cared i would try in school more.. but what our parents dont understand is that when they get angry at us it puts stress on us and makes us not want to do our school work even more... we got into a fight todday,, i am supposed to be doin my homewrk but i am on this cuz i dont rly have anyone to talk to about it other than the ppl on the net! plz help
Posted by Anonymous | September 25, 2009 6:45 PM
my mom and i have very differnt thoughts and attitudes so we are always having conflicts .. i have problems with depression and she does not seem to understand that all i need is her by my side. But it seems that its too much to ask for
Posted by ingrid | November 21, 2009 11:02 AM
I don't know how you feel but, I can try to help... try to keep calm when you approach your mom.
Sincerly,
Alexis
P.S.:God will help.
Posted by Alexis | January 14, 2010 5:14 PM
me and my mom dont agree on alot of things. we get along really really well and have lots of fun together, but she just doesnt get me sometimes. we have different tastes in clothes so she always critisizes my clothing. i dont dress skimpy! she just doesnt like what i wear. she expects me to be valedictorian when i graduate and i already know i cant do that. if i get a b on anything at school, i get in trouble. she expects too much from me. and i cant exceed all her expectations. if i confront her about this, she gets mad. what can i do?!!
Posted by no name | March 16, 2010 3:48 PM
My mum is a really strict lady. She loves me with a sincere passion which is good and I am so thankful for what she has done for me but she doesn't get thatI am nearly sixteen years old and boys exist in my world. The moment I vaguly mention one she gets really angry and sends me to my room EVEN IF IT IS MY COUSIN. I know she always wants me to be her little daughter and doesnt want me to grow up and that is cool I guess but on the day I got my first period she cried for three days straight and locked herself inside a broom cupbaord. I also have three older sisters. Two of them my mum forced into becomming nuns and the other one rebelled and is now a pole dancer who mum disowned from our family tree. i really don't want to run away from home like my pole dancing sister but I don't see any other option. IT is like my mum doesn't want grandkids. I can't talk to her about this issue either because she always acts as if she is right and my dad doesnt have a thought to think himself and backs mum up 100%. I can't talk to concellors or anything encase they tell her. I need someone's advice who i will nevermeet in person. Please help.
Posted by hayden | July 1, 2010 5:04 AM
my mom is a really angry person, and i don't know why. I've been praying for her and so has my dad for years, but nothing has changed. it's really hard, feeling like she doesn't really truly love me, but i think that maybe one thing the Lord is trying to teach me through this is that He is enough forever. please pray for my mom-that would mean soo much!
Posted by Jayne | August 25, 2010 9:14 AM
MY MOM HAS GONE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT EVEN KNOW FROM WHERE TO EXPLAAAAINNNNN
Posted by Anonymous | August 30, 2010 7:20 PM