My mom and I fight constantly, and I never feel good enough for her. What can I do?
Know that you are not alone in this difficult time that you are having with your mom. If you were to take a poll of all teenagers, you would probably find that the majority of them go through tough times with their parents at some point in their teen years. Here are a couple of things that you might try to ease the tension between you and your mom.
- Watch your attitude. When you approach your mom with a problem, be careful not to place blame on her. Tell her how you feel instead of how awful her actions were. Instead of saying to her, "You always bring up what I did in the past", try saying to her in a gentle voice, "It really hurts my feelings when you bring up my past mistakes. It makes me feel like you can't trust me."
- Avoid. Avoid using words like “never” and “always” when talking about how you feel. This is exaggerating, and it might make you seem less sincere because you are over-inflating your feelings. Also, avoid talking to your mom in the “heat of the moment.” Wait until you are calm and can carry on a mature conversation without raising your voice. This will show maturity and might win respect in the eyes of your mom.
- Pray. You may have heard this time and again, but prayer always works. Sometimes we see answers to our prayers right away and sometimes it takes time. One thing is for sure, if prayer does not change your mom's heart, it will definitely change your heart. James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results."
- Look at your mom in a different way. This is one thing that I have learned to do with my mom as each year goes by. I have learned that my mom is not perfect and she is never going to be. My mom has a past that affects the way she sees life. My mom has bad days and days when she is grouchy. Chances are if you look closely, you will see that she has difficulties and problems just like you.
You cannot change your mom, but you CAN change the way you approach your mom. Seek the Lord and ask Him to fill you with His wisdom as you strive to make peace with your mom. James 1:5 says, "If you need wisdom-if you want to know what God wants you to do-ask him, and he will gladly tell you."