What do you do if your best friend is talking about behind your back?

How upsetting it is to hear that a friend is talking about you behind your back, and even more painful when it’s your BEST friend! Whenever news like this makes it back to you, you must first consider the source. It’s possible that the person that told you this might have heard it second hand or maybe didn’t relay it to you the way it really happened. In any case, you should confront your best friend.

Pray first, before you approach her, so that you will be in the right state of mind and so that you will speak God’s words. If she really is your friend, she’ll be open to listening to you. You must first confirm that she did in fact gossip (confirm the facts), and then explain how her actions have made you feel. There is no way that the situation will be resolved without honesty and communication. Proverbs 16:28 says “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”

If your friend did say something about you, figure out why she might have done it, and then, you must forgive her. Luke 6:37, “Forgive and you will be forgiven.” It’s ok to take a breather from the friendship while you work through your hurt. Forgiveness is hard to do, and it may take some time, but ultimately forgiveness is what we are called to do as Christians. Remember…you are a sinner too, and may have even gossiped yourself on occasion!

Once you and your best friend work it out, it should make your relationship stronger.

Comments (25)

Niki:

This might seem like a strange word to use, but the first thing I thought of when I read this was ... "Whoa."

For the past couple of weeks I've been dealing with a friend who has had a history of talking about me behind my back. I have prayed about it and did have a conversation with her, but it's taking me a while to fully forgive her.

Reading this article has given me the confidence to pray more about this to God and to realize it's okay to take time to forgive, but that I should forgive just as Jesus forgave me.

Thank you and praise God! :)

Tiffany:

I am having serious trouble with my friend and have been strongly praying about it. My life is messed up. I have only one TRUE friend and all my other friends talk behind my back. I really pray to God about this each day but he never seems to make it better. Why is God waiting?

cheerleader:

i have been struggling with the same stuff as u have been, tiffany, and trust me i ask that question everyday....Why is God waiting? and the answer that i have come to is this...God will be glorified through everything and He is making u wait b/c He wants to see how much u depend on Him and through all of this stuff that u r going through u will grow closer to God! wat this article said spoke directly to me and its hard but i am really trying to forgive the people that hurt me i can only do that with Gods help!

Kelsey:

I know exactly how you feel, i was going through the same thing, when i was in hawaii, i found out that two of my best friends were talking behind my pack, and saying some pretty mean things about me. i didnt know what to do at first, but then when i got home i faced them with what i had heard, one of my friends are really shy, and didnt say much, but i have known her for a long time and i knew she was sorry, the other friend, she appologized, and had huge regret in her voice, now after i have gone through the most hurtful thing in my life, those two friends have been there for me most. Just pray about it and ask God to change their minds and hearts about you, and if it's something that your doing, ask God to help you to change that, or help you to control it, or your friends to accept it.

Christine:

Don't worry that happens to me all the time. My friends are always doing that, cause you see i got a new friend and i am always talking to her and she talks back she is also really nice. But the bad part is all my other friends talk about us behind our backs and we hear what they are saying from someone else and I know you must be hurt cause I am too.

Sarah:

im not sure if my bff is talkin bhind my back so this is really good info of how to deal with it just in case she is

thx that can make life easier everyone good luck with this

Rachel :

When you get to know that someone special or important in your life has betrated you like that i breaks you down and its painful but all you can do is comunicate to the person and be honest, then if things don't get to place there is nothing to worry about becouse from your side you did nothing wrong and you have no guilt on yourself after all ... DO NOT LET ANYONE DISAPOINT YOU!!!! Be happy and fight for your right :)

Ashtyn :

I feel like one of my best friends is talking behind my back...And it's making me really upset.


Sincerly,
Ashtyn

alex:

My friend talks behind all of her friends backs all the time including mine and it makes me upset

Blake:

Finding out that something like this has happened, it takes alot out of you. But in the end, everyone will let you down at one point in your life. The only person you can depend on to never ever let you down is God.

ceecee :

welll ya see people talkin bout god an stufff but why he not fixing any thing!!anywho im now angry about my best friend alll she ever did was talk behind my back!well it seeems like it when i was always real wit her i loved her like she was my sister an this is how she repay me!!

georga :

So my bestfriend been talking about me and shes been also talking about her friends TOO!!!!! so i told my friends and i felt like she deserved it! Plus she always writes us notes when she knows she has the problems......And she thinks we are fake when she cannot be talking be talking.ALSO she thinks that shes the only one that has problems when we all have something to deal with.

bella:

Well my friend has been talking behind my back and my other friends which is her friends to. So i gave her the same treatment and i talked behind her back to and i told my friends that shes been talking behind there backs TOO!!! so she think we are fake but she cannot be talking! shes bossy

natalie:

one of my friends talk about me behind my back also butits spring break so when we get back to school im gonna talk to her how i feel about this

Katherine:

I tryed all this but, she never did forgive me and contnued to talk about me behind my back and got my other friend to join in with her. Now before I read this I tryed talking to my other friends (that wern't my best friends) and they are my best friends now. In cases like these you know who your true friends are.

Liz:

my friend and my sister was talking behind my back but the things they said weren't true. i called my bff and she said that i don't have to hang out with them because they have done mean thing to her too. i have tons of friends why hang out with them and get my feelings hurt everytime im with them.

love:

i still don't know if i can trust her so i give up i don't need her why should i have a friend if she talkes about me even my other friends say she dose and so what if she says stuff like i'm not going to the libary with you in a baby tone she is one besides she is not a friend to me any more!!!

Anonymous:

Well its not going good for me and I'm ready to be set free.

Anonymous:

Me and my bestfriend are roomates and everytime we have a fight I always overhear her talking about me. I don't really like confrontation so I jus always let it go. She always claims that she is so real with people but is always tells me all of her other friends business including her old bestfriend. I really do love her I jus don't kno what to do about this situation.

jasmine:

hi um my best friend had beentalking about me and how i know is i go to the boys and girls club and she told a staff so me and other friends came to talk and my best friend said she was talking on the phone with another one of my friends so they always gossip about the person then tell a staff then we talk about so now i am kinda thinking my best friend is not a good friend at all but i still come to forgive her.

Anonymous:

I know how all of you feel but just pray and pray. Talking about it with your parents and that would help a lot. You can even write about this on paper and that could help a lot. Go ahead let it out on that paper. If you want to keep this a secret than nobody has to see it.This has happened to me recently, three of my friends were all just talking about each other behind there back. So just pray and pray and you know that the Lord will help you.

bella:

I know how you feel. i had a best friend for 8 years, and then i found out she was talkign about me behind my back. it really hurts, but hey, everything happens for a reason. just deal with it and figure out hwho your true friends really are.

Hales:

A friend of mine has been doing this to me, more specifically, my own cousin! She's written blog entries about me behind my back, when I found out we weren't friends, but eventually made up and four months later she's doing it again. I thought we got past that but apparently not! It does feel comforting talking to your parents about it though, like Anonymous said, I also told her mom about it. I just wish it would end! I don't know what I even did to deserve this!

nia:

my best friend is talking behind my back to a guy that i used to like him now every one know my secrets should we still be friends

kaitlyn :

my best friend and i are having trouble we yell at each other and we really think were lieing to each other but i know im not but i think she is. that makes me so mad. i hate it. so if your ever in this stituation please tell me what to do? and thank you.

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