I read this in a Washington Post article, "Va. School's No-Contact Rule Is a Touchy Subject" by Maria Glod; Washington Post Staff Writer; Monday, June 18, 2007
Fairfax County middle school student Hal Beaulieu hopped up from his lunch table one day a few months ago, sat next to his girlfriend and slipped his arm around her shoulder. That landed him a trip to the school office.
Among his crimes: hugging.
All touching -- not only fighting or inappropriate touching -- is against the rules at Kilmer Middle School in Vienna. Hand-holding, handshakes and high-fives? Banned. The rule has been conveyed to students this way: "NO PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!!!"
School officials say the rule helps keep crowded hallways and lunchrooms safe and orderly, and ensures that all students are comfortable. But Hal, 13, and his parents think the school's hands-off approach goes too far, and they are lobbying for a change.
"I think hugging is a good thing," said Hal, a seventh-grader, a few days before the end of the school year. "I put my arm around her. It was like for 15 seconds. I didn't think it would be a big deal."
Deborah Hernandez, Kilmer's principal, said the rule makes sense in a school that was built for 850 students but houses 1,100. She said that students should have their personal space protected and that many lack the maturity to understand what is acceptable or welcome.
"You get into shades of gray," Hernandez said. "The kids say, 'If he can high-five, then I can do this.' "
She has seen a poke escalate into a fight and a handshake that is a gang sign. Some students -- and these are friends -- play "bloody knuckles," which involves slamming their knuckles together as hard as they can. Counselors have heard from girls who are uncomfortable hugging boys but embarrassed to tell anyone. And in a culturally diverse school, officials say, families might have different views of what is appropriate.
The entire article can be found here
Now, it's your turn to weigh in! What do you think? Appropriate or over the top? Do you feel uncomfortable if/when a guy hugs you?
Comments (20)
I think that absolutely NO contact is a little over-the-top, but i can understand why they wouldn't want any intimate contact. I don't always feel uncomfortable when a guy hugs me, but it depends on the guy and how i feel about him, i usually prefer to give guys "side-hugs" because then neither of us will feel uncomfortable or awkward.
Posted by charlotte | June 26, 2007 12:18 PM
personally, i woudn't have any prob with a guy giving me a hug or a hi5 or something; But, being of Indian origin, i also am aware, that some conservative cultures look down at physical contact between 2 opposite sexes. They tend to think that hugging may lead to something more!! This is why many parents forbid their daughters to hug guys.
Posted by Anonymous | June 27, 2007 6:33 AM
I think its dumb and over the top
Posted by jane | June 27, 2007 7:28 PM
I also don't agree with that rule to the extent they are describing. Yes, I do agree guys and girls guys and girls shouldn't be hugging for long periods of time but a slight hug....maybe, Depending on who it is and what it's meant for.
However, I think they should be more focused on how girls and guys in highschools are constantly making out in the stairwells or holding each other in awkward* areas.(It drives me crazy seeing girls giving them selves up or a guy to the girl. That's one of the worst things i hate seeing at highschool.
The sad thing is about this new rule is that our girlfriends have to wait after school to be able to give each other hugs! That's crazy! We are a bunch of hugging, loving and comforting bunch of gals when it comes to our girlfriends. (Instead of the guy's bobble headed nod-no offense to them=D)We usually end up saying (or yelling),"HEY!" and then give each other hugs.
Overall, The principals can keep enforcing more rules but no one can change how teens (or people for that matter) act. Only god can show them with the truth that God offers.
Posted by Natalia | June 29, 2007 8:12 PM
Oh buddy! i think that absolutely NO contact is indeed a little insane! but when it gets NSA (not school appropriate) that's when it has to stop! but i agree w/ charlotte "side-hugs" are definetly a TON less awkward
Posted by mandy | July 1, 2007 8:45 AM
In my opinion I think it is just fine for hugs, high fives, and handshakes. I mean I know they have to draw the line somewhere but thats just way to strict.
Posted by DJ | July 2, 2007 3:47 PM
i think this is a bit extreme! i mean, i totally understand the whole "inappropriate" contact..but no hugs, hi 5's, OR handshakes? come on! i think extreme hugging could be a "potential" problem..but handshakes are harmless.
thats just ridiculous!
Posted by heather | July 2, 2007 5:06 PM
I think it was over the top.I also think when hugging and hi5s are not allowed Its going to lead to more intimate things because kids are not allowed to touch in a way that is right which will in the end lead to things they were trying to stop.
Posted by ashlie | July 2, 2007 8:21 PM
i think this rule is over the top. some people can get uncomftorable, but you dont have to go to the extreme with the rule.
Posted by Clare | July 2, 2007 10:13 PM
No highfives? thats insane! honestly, theres a point where you have to draw the line when it comes to the "hands-off". a slap on the palm, big deal.
Posted by Katie | July 3, 2007 6:37 PM
I have to agree with every1 else (almost). I went to a public middle school like most girls, and it was almost impossible not to touch anyone when trying to get from class to class. I don't see how they can try to enforce it in a school built for 800 some and holds over 1000.
Posted by Anonymous | July 3, 2007 11:15 PM
I think that no contact is absolutly insane. I think that if the rule was in elementary scholl it would be relativly okay, but even then it is horrible. I think you should be allowed to least give your friends a good hug or at least a single hi5. It is madness!
Posted by Nat | July 4, 2007 1:22 PM
I think that no physically touch is over the top as some people have said above. I mean even a baby has to be touched and held. I think there is a fine line that should be drawn when it comes to physically contact, but hugging a person is not bad at all. I understand why they don't want anyone to hifive or hug because now days it can be seen as a gang sign or whatever. However I am sure even God went around hugging people and loving them.
Posted by Samantha | July 6, 2007 2:10 AM
I think is a little over the top. But I have to say that in my relationship with my boyfriend I am not allowed to hug him either; but no physical touch what so ever is too extreme. Even if there is difference in cultures and so on, each of them knows what they are allowed and let the others know, so there is no problem what so ever.
Posted by Fabs | July 6, 2007 9:15 PM
its over the top!! yes some of it makes sense but a huggg!!!Comon i give them all the time
Posted by Somebody | July 12, 2007 12:19 PM
Off the top.The rule makes sence but Comon a hugg!I give hugs all the time!
Posted by Someone | July 12, 2007 12:34 PM
Their rule has pros and cons but it's just a hug and nothing more than that. That's just bogus! I give hugs to people all the time and you don't see me giving more than that!
Posted by GeeGee | July 14, 2007 12:24 AM
Sadly, today so many 'norms' and rules are pushed, questioned and disregarded in public schools. The rules sometimes wind up more stringent (ridiculous??). We don't know this guy's reputation with the authority at his school, or the girl's.
Our school has a no physical contact rule, as well. It's up to the teachers/administrators to enforce it when the contact is inappropriate, or unappreciated by the recipient. Rule interpretation and cultural norms are unwritten...and messy, huh??
Posted by Flee | July 17, 2007 4:45 PM
I think that rule is just a lil over the top...I would go crazy if I couldn't give my friends hugs, thats just how we say hi to eachother!! And if you don't like giving guys hugs, don't!! It's that simple...but if your feeling like you have to, a "side hug" is the best way to go, just like the other girls said. But seriously... no high fives or hand shakes?!?! what is this world coming to??? whats next? "You may not look at anyone of the opposite sex..." lol!
Posted by Emily | July 19, 2007 9:31 PM
I love to hug! I don't see anything wrong with it. =) It's a guesture of kindness and love. Me and my friends hug all the time. Even the guys at our church hug sometimes to just say bye, or cheer someone up. What is actually awkward for me is when we're taking a picture and there's like guys with their arms around me really tight from both sides and behind and stuff, you know. That's me, personally. Bye!
Posted by BallerinaGirl | July 21, 2008 6:29 PM