Ok... (deep breath)...let's tackle this issue of "The One". The fairy-tale "One". The "One" God has created just for you, who's out there looking for you if only you'll wait long enough. I just had a great, spontaneous conversation with a few friends from church about this thing and we all agreed that there are some messages you guys are getting - messages we got when we were your age - that aren't really biblical but have good intentions behind them. The problem is that I think they do more harm than good in the long run.
Are you aware that biblically Jesus is the only one ever defined as "The One" for you? Nowhere in scripture does it say God has created someone specifically for you who will one day marry you and be your Prince Charming. God never tells us to pursue marriage as our life's goal or that it's the ultimate in relationships. He never said that sex was the best thing we would ever experience or that we should be the center of anyone's universe. He doesn't even discuss whether most of the people in the bible are married or not and the one book that does seem to focus on intimate male/female relationships was written by a guy who went on to have 300 wives and 700 concubines. I don't know of any girl who's dreaming of being the first of a thousand wives, but I know there are thousands, maybe millions, who are waiting for their own Solomon, expecting him to complete them or make them happy.
Why?
Where is this expectation and deep need coming from? I'm not saying that marriage isn't a good thing - it is. It's a gift from God, but it was never His plan for ultimate personal fulfillment. Jesus has always been the plan for that. Jesus has always, throughout history and scripture, been the White Knight, the Prince Charming, the love of our lives who makes us whole and rescues us from this messed up world. So why have we traded a fulfilling relationship with Him for a flawed and often disappointing relationship with a guy? Big picture, I think it's because we have an enemy who works overtime to make us believe that Jesus is far off and can't meet our immediate needs here and now, while at the same time redirecting us toward men we can make idols of. And we do. Big, sparkly, Edwardian idols.
The truth is there isn't a man on this earth who can meet every one of our deep, desperate needs because they're just men, not God. Please don't think I'm ragging on guys here. Nobody could live up to the fairy-tale expectations a lot of us are walking around with because there is no perfect man and it's unfair to expect that from someone. Men are walking around with their own bundle of deep desperate needs and Jesus is the only answer for them too. Marriage can be a beautiful thing, but not when it's a desperate battle to make someone your everything, or to become theirs. God hasn't created someone just for you, but He knows you fully and knows if, when, and to whom you will get married. And if marriage is in your future it's in order to draw you both closer to God, not to act as a substitute for your relationship with Him.
If this is bumming you out, you're missing the good news. There is a "One" and He understands you completely and loves you unconditionally. He wasn't made just for you but you were made for Him, by Him, because He wanted you. The most beautiful, most incredible man who ever walked the earth desired a relationship with you so He created you and put you on this earth to search for Him and find Him. Acts 17 it says that He determined when and where we would live so that we would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. "For in him we live and move and have our being."
That last quote is what I think we're looking for in men but it can only be found in Jesus. We want to be so close to someone that we move together through life like we're dancing. We want to lose ourselves in someone so we never feel alone again or have to go through life by ourselves. The great news is, that's exactly what He's offering. Throughout the Bible Jesus calls, "Come to me, seek me, follow me, trust me, lose yourself in me and I will make you whole." He says "you are Mine, whom I created for Myself". How sweet is that? Don't those sound like the words you might hear from the love of your life? They are; we just need to start believing it and ask Him to show Himself to us.
Comments (19)
oh yah that helps and i guess im supposed to just suck it up that ill never see the one huh?? i dont think so
Posted by Shannon | July 1, 2010 5:13 PM
Hi there,
I don't disagree with most of this article, save, perhaps the main premise. I don't believe there are Prince Charmings at all in the real world, but I've had the marriage discussion with numerous people and there's on response I rather liked.
Because I desire to be married one day, and that desire was placed in my heart, I believe that (if it is God's will) I will be married one day. On that note, I also believe that God is preparing a specific man for me. He is all-knowing, and knows my future and therefore, I guess I believe that "the one" exists, because I believe that God is preparing a man specifically for me.
Thank for the thought-provoking post!
~Phoenix
Posted by Phoenix | July 2, 2010 12:46 AM
best line: "Come to me, seek me, follow me, trust me, lose yourself in me and I will make you whole." because its something we always want to do and feel, and we can't get that unless we have a relationship with Jesus. I hope all girls will someday read this and understand what it means. Thanks, Megan
Posted by Megan | July 2, 2010 9:45 AM
"Come to me, seek me, follow me, trust me, lose yourself in me and I will make you whole." What is the 'address' for this verse?I love this article with it's great reminder of how Jesus is the only One who can truly fulfill us.Thank you!
Posted by Elsie | July 2, 2010 10:46 AM
Elsie - That line is a combination of different verses from Jesus. It's from Matthew 11:28, Amos 5:4, Matthew 10:38, Matthew 4:19, Mark 10:21, Proverbs 3:5, Luke 9:24, Philippians 3:8, Colossians 2:6-12. Those are just a few but throughout the Bible, Old and New Testament, Jesus calls us to Himself, cries for us, wants us to come to Him so that we can have real life. There are so many treasures in the Bible if we only look for them.
Posted by Jamie | July 2, 2010 11:37 AM
Shannon - My prayer is that you DO see "the One" and that's Jesus. Most of us are hoping there's a husband out there for us and God knows the who/when/where of it all so continue to go to Him with your future hopes, but don't let that desire grow bigger than your desire for Jesus.
Posted by Jamie | July 2, 2010 11:51 AM
Hey girls, I'd like to share a bit of my story with you.
When I was 18, I started dating an awesome guy. We ended up dating for 4 years and he became my everything. Well, we planned to get married. The closer we got to the wedding, however, the more uneasy I felt about marrying him. You see, God was calling me to Himself and asking me to make HIM my everything, rather than my fiancee.
After a while of struggling with God, I finally surrendered to what He wanted. It was the hardest thing I've ever done - giving up the one I loved most - but God has WAY MORE than filled the hole left in my heart.
Now, I'm 29 and SINGLE and can truly say I've never been happier. You know why? Because God has shown me that HE is the love of my life. I am in love with my Creator, the One who will never leave me, turn away from me or disappoint me. Yes, I believe that God has someone He is specifically preparing for me. But I trust that if God never brings that man into my life, it doesn't matter because my fulfillment comes through God. And His plans for me are greater than I could ask or imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20-21. The same goes for all of you.
Great post Jamie! I'm praying that every young woman who reads this post would fall madly in love with Jesus & find her fulfillment in Him. :)
Posted by Kristen | July 2, 2010 12:15 PM
i guess that this article kind of follows my thoughts..but this is really a let down, because most people would really like to find a guy who appreciates them, and who they like, but this kind of says that the "one" will never come...:( i guess i will be happy with jesus
Posted by Mady | July 2, 2010 3:29 PM
i am 15, and most of my friends are "going out" and, I will admit it, I am too. But after reading this article, I am thinking about how much I appreciate the guy I am going out with, and how much I appreciate Jesus, and I may have to change some things...
Posted by Hailey | July 2, 2010 3:32 PM
I couldn't have said it better myself. This article has perfectly expressed how I feel.
I got saved when I was six, but I've been raised in a good, Christian family, so I've been in love with God basically my entire life. But now, at the age of thirteen, I'm at the age where I'm noticing boys and a lot of my friends have started dating. As if that's not enough, have you ever noticed how many times the image of a fairy-tale-happily-ever-after kind of love is thrown in your face? It's everywhere! Movies, TV, books, the list goes on. But the source of that love is never God--it's some handsome movie star. As a girl, it's pretty easy to fall into the trap of thinking that "the one" is always gonna be out there, just waiting for you.
I don't know exactly when it happened, but I got to the point where I didn't care if it seemed like everyone around me had a boyfriend. I started realizing that God is the One for me, and my whole relationship with Him changed. You know how couples who have been together a long time will say that they "fell in love all over again"? That's kind of what happened in my relationship with God. Like I said before, I've always loved God whole-heartedly, but it's like something began to change. It's hard to describe, but it's like my relationship with God was...renewed, and better than ever.
Don't get me wrong; I'm nowhere near where I would like to be in my walk with Christ. But now, I don't worry about my future, specifically whether or not I'll get married. Actually, the idea of never getting married doesn't really bother me, if that's what God's will is. I'm cautious about having high expectations about finding "the one", but I also know that God knows if and when I'll ever get married. And, right now, that's enough for me.
Posted by Alexa | July 2, 2010 3:40 PM
Mady - What you're hoping to find someday in a husband is definitely possible. We should marry someone who appreciates us and who we like and if that's what you're hoping for, keep talking to God about it. My hope is that we all are so crazy about God that if a husband does come along we don't expect them to be God but appreciate them for who they are. That we trust God to meet our deep soul needs and learn to be good partners in marriages instead of princesses who expect the impossible from the men we marry. Trust me, God is NOT a disappointment when you get to know Him, He only gets better and better.
Posted by Jamie | July 3, 2010 10:07 AM
i know i want Jesus to be my knight in shining armour... especially when i see how supremely immature all the guys in school are. but i pray i don't have to wait as long as Kristen is!
I'm 12 and I live with my dad and one brother who is 17 my other brother left home a few years ago and my mom was killed in a car accident when i was 4 so my main input is from guys (my dad of course!) what i see from my brother and the guys at school. this is a scary thing because i want very much to find a man who will love Jesus first and then me forever and treat me like his queen.
Everything i read here is so very good and if i'm going to survive this guy thing Jesus has to be the man i love most... and He is and I pray He fills my need when i am 21 or 22! but i know most girls feel this way.
Posted by Kaylee | July 5, 2010 10:32 AM
Thank you so much for this article!! This is such an encouragement as I have been thinking alot about this. I have had my doubts of wanting to get married because I just fully want to serve Jesus forever and ever, that's my heart's desire, but my friends and family keep going on saying that I'll change my mind or that there's some guy out there for me, and maybe that's true, but this article has just opened my eyes even more, so thank you so much!
Posted by Natalie | July 7, 2010 12:55 AM
okay all right i agree on the most part but if God wants me to get married he will pick my husband i might not know who but God will, i know he won`t be perfect or anything but with God everything in the end should be okay, because i believe that God sets a wonderful future ahead of me the devil might mess with that plan or i might be to scared to go that way but all in all God is in control and i trust him
Posted by marci | July 7, 2010 12:52 PM
Come on girls, it's not saying that you won't get married to an awesome guy. but you gotta fall in love with Jesus first. if you aren't following Him whole heartedly,you will be sorely disappointed. You guys are missing the point... Jesus is all you need. until you realize that and embrace it you will never really feel whole.
Posted by Sam | July 10, 2010 12:47 AM
So, I'm supposed to accept the fact that there isn't anyone out there for me? How come lots of other christian couples stay happily married all their lives? There must be some explanation. I know that God wants me to get married. I just feel it. And I think you can be totally in love with God and with your husband at the same time, especially if your guy loves God with all his heart. I want to be second only to God in my marriage, and i would hope that my husband would feel the same. Just saying...
Posted by Katie | July 13, 2010 2:16 PM
I have not even started dating and I am 18 years old. Every night I pray for the man that God wants me to marry.
Posted by Ashley | July 13, 2010 6:06 PM
Katie:
They're not saying that there isn't anyone out there for you, they're saying that until you realize that God is ultimatly(sp) all you need your relationships won't be as good as they could be. You have to put God FIRST in your life, not the idea of getting a husband.
I know what this article is talking about. I'm 15 and I've decided that I don't want to date until I'm 18 (for many reasons) but I do dream of getting married someday and having kids. Sometimes I get so focused on the idea of getting married and meeting "the one" that my relationship with God suffers because I'm so caught up in what it'll be like when I first meet him or go out with him or fall in love. Whenever I prayed it would always be about "him" and I was so obsessed with the idea that I became sorta guy crazy. I pictured myself going out with him when I turned 18, dating him for four years and marrying him right after college.
But thankfully God showed me what I was doing and He's helping me stop looking at it that way. He's showing me that I shouldn't care about what guys think of me, God's opnion is the only one that matters. And He's helping me realize that my life may not go as planned. For all I know I may never get married and be single my whole life. I don't know what'll happen but I do know that whatever happens is in God's hands and He knows what's best for me. I just have to keep trusting that.
Posted by Gabi | August 14, 2010 1:58 PM
Please help me...there's this guy that likes me and i like him but he won't tell me because he is a different religion...what do i do???
Posted by jamie | August 27, 2010 8:06 PM