Sweet Shelby...you have been deceived. Every month you write in and I read your prayer requests and my heart breaks a little because I can see where you're headed and it's a miserable, dangerous road you're on. I know because I walked that road a little...not when I was your age but later in life and it led to some of my biggest mistakes and hardest battles. There is this huge lie that gets preached to women (young and old) in this world that if you could only find the right guy everything would fall into place and you would be happy. Even our church and our parents can sometimes feed that lie without realizing it.
The truth is that the only person who will ever really make us happy is Jesus and if the devil can get us to replace Him with someone else, a boyfriend or husband maybe, then he wins and we lose our soul in the process. There is no "perfect guy" out there who God has created just for you. He created each of us for Himself, and although there might be someone out there who would compliment you well, Jesus is the only one who can complete you and give you peace. You say that you've tried Jesus and He's not working but I think that maybe you haven't really tried Him, you've just done the church stuff. And I think that maybe you feed this desperate desire for a boyfriend and sex with what you allow your mind to daydream about, and the books and movies you put into your head. I could be wrong. I could be totally off base, but my own experience has taught me that I can't get frustrated with Jesus for not making everything better when I spend more time pursuing my own lusts and dreams than I do Him.
I wish we could go get lunch or coffee and I could ask you some questions. Like what do you think about most? What kind of stories do you dwell on in your own time and do they preach something other than Jesus as the greatest love you will ever know? You (and a ton of other girls walking around today) have bought the lie that a physical relationship with a guy is better than an intimate relationship with Jesus and you said that you have already decided to sin when the opportunity presents itself. You said in one of your recent posts that you're planning on having sex before you get married because you think that's the only thing that will make you feel better, but before you actually do it I want to encourage you to change your mind and throw yourself completely at Jesus.
When I was in college I gave myself away cheaply to a guy who said all the right things and promised he would stick around forever...except he didn't. He just stuck around until he was tired of me and then moved on to someone else and I was left heartbroken and in worse shape than when he first came along. It took years for God to heal the damage that relationship caused and He's still working on some fears that took root because of that one rejection. Our hearts are not made to thrive on abandonment and unfaithfulness so when we give ourselves away to people who use us and then leave, it destroys us bit by bit and only Jesus can put back together what others have shattered. Why do you think God says over and over and over in the Bible that He's loving and faithful - that He'll never leave us or abandon us? It's because that's the kind of love we are created to run on and that's what we're all so desperately looking for. Any boy who will take advantage of that need in you for his own gain isn't acting out of love but out of selfishness and I promise it will end badly.
I know you're hurting and tired of it. I know that you want the pain to stop and for life to get better. Jesus is the only One who can do all that and more. He can give you a joy and peace that doesn't go away no matter what happens in your life and He's the only one who can honestly promise to be with you every step of the way. Please don't give up and give in to the lie you're believing, it will lead to more hurt and despair than you're dealing with now. Instead, try throwing out everything that stands between you and Jesus and start replacing the lies you're believing with the truth. Dig through your Bible and find everything God says about Himself and ask Him to help you believe it. And ask Him to show Himself to you...so you can see for yourself how amazing He is. The devil prowls around like a lion trying to destroy everyone he sees but God is so much bigger and stronger than him. Don't give up and remember you're not alone. There are a lot of us praying for you!
Love
Jamie
Comments (13)
Dear Shelby, I dont know how old you are but please listen to Jamie. I would like to recommend a couple of books for you before you make any decisions to give yourself away.
1. Lies young women believe (by Nancy Leigh DeMoss),
2. Self Talk Soul Talk.
I wish someone had told me of the price I would have to pay for selling myself short.
In Christ
Posted by Linda | November 2, 2009 7:34 PM
First off great article! I, like most/all girls out there, need to be reminded of this often! It's so easy to be sucked into thinking that a boyfriend or husband will fix everything, with the society that we live telling us that all the time. Thank you for taking the time to write this!!! We all need to hear it.
Posted by Cayly | November 2, 2009 7:41 PM
Jesus loves you Shelby. Live your all for him he will never lead you in the wrong way. Don't fall for the ways of the world. Jesus's ways are perfect. Throw yourself at God. I'll be praying for you and that god will put an example in your life that you can look up to and that Jesus will shine through to be a witness to you. Like I said, Jesus loves you more than anyone else.
For God so LOVED the world that he sent his only son to die and whoever believes in him will live forever with Him.
John 3:16
Posted by Joy | November 2, 2009 8:29 PM
Thank you for posting this, Jamie! I also gave myself away to a guy and lived with hurt, shame, and regret for years. I lost my virginity when I was 15 and it wasn't until I was 20 (5 years later!) that I was able to experience the relief of the feeling of complete restoration and peace.
Shelby, like Jamie said, Jesus is the Only One who will ever provide you with complete peace and who will NEVER leave you or hurt you. Earnestly seek Him with all of your heart during this time of difficulty in your life and I know He won't let you down.
Love,
Lindsay
Posted by Lindsay | November 2, 2009 11:12 PM
Jamie,
That was poignant, beautiful and straight from the heart. Thank you for speaking the truth in love to our young ladies. I am praying for Shelby to give it all to Jesus. You gave her a lot to think about and know it will penetrate her heart. Press on, sister.
Posted by Dana | November 3, 2009 12:03 PM
Amen! I believe all of that wholeheartedly! Please don't let yourself get caught up in a guy who will only love you for the physical and not for who you are truly! God has better plans even though you might not see it now. Pray, seek him, let him be your all before you make any decisions. You might find the answer to the hurt you've been feeling
Posted by Kayleen | November 3, 2009 6:58 PM
Thank-you for posting this! I totally agree and on a small scale almost gave into sin. I have never been in a relationship, even though I would like one. God is helping me wait for the right guy, my husband.
But I have given up all romantic books and movies, even though they were Christian books. They were making me want romance prematurally. I never wanted and still don't want to have sex before marriage, but I wanted that romance, those fussy feelings, and the joy of having some one like you.
But I have a wonderful God who is madly in love with me and finds great joy in me, don't give into the lies of the enemy. Run strait to God and don't stop, strive to have a deep relationship with Him, that is where you find peace and comfort and love.
God bless.
Posted by Hannah | November 4, 2009 3:03 PM
Hi everyone I am the girl that you are all talking about. Thank you so much everyone. You have no idea what this means to me, that you all would take time out of your day for me. I am 13 years old. Thank you all so much! It helps me alot to hear this honestly. My parents are the youth leaders of my church. I wish, I could have people like you all who care about me. And have them here with me so I could just talk to someone. Thank you all for praying for me as well!!!! No one I am around has no idea what I am going through. If any of you know any songs that describe or would help me that would be helpful as well. ANd again THANK You all so much. And a special thanks to Jamie for this article.
Love,
Shelby <3
Posted by Shelby | November 4, 2009 3:49 PM
hi i really prayer. there is so much insanity in my house, i dont kno wat 2 do wit my self, sometimes i think it would it would be better if i could be better if i lived with my grandma who lives literaly 10 yards away but it would be away from this mess!!!!!
Posted by ruth 5 | November 7, 2009 11:48 PM
Hey everybody.I just wanted to express how bad it hurts me to see people i care about fall into peer pressure and do things that don't please Christ. I know several people in particular. I'm begging you to please pray for them. Especially this guy I know named Dallas.Spiritually, he is in bad shape. I can't believe I Went out with him before knowing how he plays girls and only dates them to fulfill his lustful desires for sex. After I told him I wouldn't participate in that kind of activity, he dumped me.Yes it hurt, but I'm glad I got out of that situation before anything worse happened. The truth is I kind of still like him but would never go out with him again, because i now know that he is not a christian.Please pray that I won't ever fall into his twisted lies again. But even more, I as your sister in Christ, I ask you to pray for that unfortunate girl that eventually does. No one here understands me. No one but Jesus. Many people think I'm a "Jesus freak" or "way too religious." Let them say what they want to. I don't care. All I need is my saviour. And no one,not even a special guy, can do what Jesus can for me. I love you Lord. God Bless!Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. Just remember, when in doubt, look to the one who can do all things. Phillippians 4:13:)<3
Posted by anonymous | November 10, 2009 4:28 PM
Shelby! I'm 14 and i think every girl starts to believe that life sucks and always will at some point in her life. But that is not true! Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz is one the most uplifting songs i've ever heard and I think you'll enjoy it. Keep praying and God will come through...He always does.
Posted by Jenna | November 11, 2009 4:29 PM
Shelby, you sweet thing. Jesus loves you more than you can ever love Him, and He longs for your heart.
My friend, Jonny Diaz, wrote a beautiful song for girls and what they are challenged with. You may have heard it already, it's called ''More Beautiful You"
It's all over Christian radio.
Please look it up and download it, it will help you see that you don't need to buy the lies of the world, just the Truth that you were made for God's purposes, there could never be a more beautiful YOU.
~Chrissy
Posted by Chrissy | November 19, 2009 6:15 AM
Shelby, I'm not sure when you'll check back on this post, but you asked for a song and I have two for you: "You Alone Can Rescue" by Matt Redman and "So This is Love (First in my Heart) by Kelly Minter.
Thanks for posting on the prayer board and know that we are praying for you! I am specifically praying for God to show you someone in your life (an older, wiser, godly Christian woman) who you can meet with on a regular basis and pour out your heart. Keep us posted...
Posted by Vicki Courtney | December 10, 2009 10:42 AM