A few weeks ago a friend told me "I'm starting to think that all the positive self esteem junk I've gotten all my life has done a lot of harm". She went on to say that growing up in this world with everyone patting her on the back all the time and telling her how great she was just encouraged her to focus on herself and think she was better or more important than everyone else. It also taught her that it was more important to please the people around her and get the positive feedback than it was to live to please God regardless of what others thought. Interesting.
This lines up with another train of thought that's been chugging through my brain - we'll call it the Princess Express. What I've noticed is that a whole lot of us have been raised with the mentality that we're God's little princesses and that we're very special and important. I have two problems with this. First, it's not biblical. God doesn't waste time in the Bible telling us how great we are (because it's not true) but over and over and over He talks about how good and faithful and loving and compassionate HE is...because that's what's really important. In Isaiah 41 God calls Jacob (or all of us) a worm...not a Prince or a King or a sweet wonderful boy. And in the book of Hosea He tells the story of how Hosea (who represents Jesus) marries and rescues Gomer (who represents all of us), a woman who cheats on him over and over, has children with other men, and breaks his heart countless times. So the truth is that we're not good people by any stretch of the imagination but God is wonderful above and beyond anything we can understand. Believing that we're princesses like we think of them gives us a much too important view of ourselves and puts us mentally on the same level as God. If He's the King and we're His daughters then we're all royalty. The logical outcome of this way of thinking is that we end up believing we deserve what Jesus did for us. I've talked with young women who even go so far as so say that they've done their part in playing by the rules (church, youth group, small group, etc., etc...) but God has failed them because things aren't working out like they hoped. Now it's up to Him to fix things by doing what they want. After all that's what their dad would do.
My second problem with this mentality is that we obviously haven't paid attention to what life is really like for a princess. Have you ever read about the life of Princess Grace of Monaco or Princess Diana? They gave up everything to marry into the royal family and things just got harder from that point on. How about looking realistically at the Queen of England or other royalty who have sacrificed their own desires and dreams to serve their country and people. How about Esther in the Bible? I wouldn't trade places with her for anything but God made her Queen to save His people and she gave up everything she ever wanted in order to obey. If you read about the good ones, their lives are about sacrifice and service for the good of others. It's definitely not about feeding their own ego, getting whatever they want, and making everyone bow down and serve them. Jesus came as the King of Kings and showed us what royalty really looks like. A true King will die to save his people and the greatest King who ever lived did just that, even though His people were totally unfaithful and killed Him in the end. If you want to consider yourself a princess because you're an adopted child of God then by all means go ahead but please strive to be a princess that looks just like her Father instead of Hollywood's version.
We will never really see how incredible Jesus is if we never see ourselves for what we really are. Repentance is a HUGE part of following Jesus and people who think they deserve the price He paid for them tend to be pretty unrepentant. They're the ones who at the end of the day can't think of even one sin they committed that they might need to talk with God about. Let's remember that at best we're a bunch of worm princesses and for some reason the King of everything loves us enough to rescue us from ourselves and teach us what it really means to be a child of The King.
Comments (16)
Easy girlfriend! I totally get your point - but there is another side of this that you left out. I grew up being told I was less than - I struggled with core beliefs that I was unworthy and something about me was unlovable. My process of repentance came in seeing myself through the grace and love of my Daddy God. The first thing He taught me was that in Him there is no condemnation - that was taken care of on the cross - He went to the cross because he WANTED to, and even if it was only me He would have. He taught me to love myself. He taught me to see myself through His eyes - as redeemed, His perfect creation - His daughter, His heir to the greatest Kingdom. I am a daughter of the King. Only then after I understood my identity, accepted his redemption could I take a look at my sins - I saw what I did, didnt do and what i didn't even know I was doing. Not ONCE did He ever shame me, condemn me, but He gently restored me. He allowed me to look life in the face...even the ugliest of situations and encouraged me to follow Him. In the tone of I have a way of doing things that is Life giving...gentle and loving to you and others. When I expected to receive a strike I received a hug.
I totally see the princess trend could and is in some cases taken to extremes - but ALL things work together for His glory. God is using the "princesses" in our home for delight and for teaching moments - of being God's children. I want to thank you for your points about Ester. So true - when I accepted my salvation and idenity of the daughter "princess" of God, the Bride of Christ...I gave up my life as I knew it- it hurt, it was chaos but WOW was it worth it!
God bless you and thank you for posting your thoughts on such a relevant topic!
Posted by KellyAnne | September 1, 2009 1:16 PM
wow; i never thought about it like that before. I'm definitely gonna bookmark this one. This is a good article! Thank you for posting it & God bless!
Posted by ashlei | September 1, 2009 2:25 PM
Thanks for sharing such an insightful and countercultural truth. It is so easy to focus on ourselves instead of a WORTHY great God.
Posted by natalie | September 1, 2009 3:15 PM
Wow, that's so true! I've always been told that I was God's little princess, but this article really made me think. Thank you.
In Christ,
Emma
Posted by Emma | September 1, 2009 3:24 PM
I think that's really interesting.
Posted by Jenny | September 1, 2009 5:54 PM
I kind of disagree with your first point. The Bible does say that we are unworthy and sinful (and we definitely are), but it also says that those who have been saved by grace are "heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ" (Romans 8:17) So in a way, we are princesses of the King.
However, I completely agree with your other point. Princesses are not meant to only be pampered and have no responsibility. Just like an earthly princess has to always act in the interest of her country, so we are called to further God's kingdom, and to act according to our status as princesses. We must be kind, gracious of speech, compassionate, and encouraging. We must act with decorum, which means being modest in our clothing, and not rude or mean in any way. It's a privilege, but it's also a huge responsibility.
I don't think that seeing ourselves as princesses is necessarily a bad thing, but it can be if we buy into the lie that says that because we are princesses we are superior to everyone else. We are called to be servant princesses, just as Christ was our servant King.
Posted by Bethany | September 1, 2009 7:27 PM
Thank you Jamie for once again pointing us to the truth and to Jesus. I think you hit it straight on sister. This is what we all need to hear,young and old women alike, we have truly been led astray.
Keep on writing!
Posted by Dana | September 1, 2009 8:04 PM
Hey, my thoughts definitely.
so, I have found a way to "detox" myself. I watch asian dramas. They are usually hilarious, sweet, romantic, and they carry a good, centered, down-to-earth idea about life. (way different from american tv)
Now, I still know I am special to God, but I know that there is more to life than just understanding a reality as living in real life. Thus, as an imperfect human being, just knowing that I am special to someone, no matter how banged up I am, I know they will teach me, love me, and help me become the woman I am supposed to be. (just like those dramas show) (just kidding) :)
Posted by Christy | September 2, 2009 2:06 AM
I love this article.It is so cool when talks about us being princesses of God.
Posted by Ashley | September 3, 2009 3:10 PM
Okay, so we are'nt worthy of Gods love, but he loves us any way!! We ARE royalty, heirs with Christ, and God see's each of us as BEAUTIFUL in the special way He created us. Don't go down playing Gods love. Many girls never saw themselves as beautiful until they met God because of what so many people have told them in the past. God has restored my heart from many pains, one of which was the lie that I wasn't beautiful.
Posted by Hannah | September 8, 2009 1:21 PM
Hannah - I understand where you're coming from and am in no way trying to down-play God's love for us. On the contrary, when we truly see how filthy we are apart from Jesus it makes His love so much more incredible. It's not unusual to hear stories of Kings or Princes who fell in love with a poor but beautiful girl and made her a princess, but you never hear stories of a King who chose to love a stinky, dirty, rolling-around-in-the-dirt mess who didn't deserve it. That exactly what God did and that's the point of this article. The story has never been about me and how beautiful I feel or think I am, it's always been about how incredibly, mind-blowingly, astoundingly beautiful God is. It's hard to see that when I'm focused on myself all the time. If we would just realize that our beauty comes from Jesus, the weight of the world would drop from our shoulders and we wouldn't be such easy targets for a world obsessed with physical beauty and a devil who loves to yank us around with that.
Posted by jamie | September 10, 2009 3:39 PM
I partly agree with your statements. While God does not want us to be full of ourselves, he does want us to be confident. Why else would he tell us we are fearfully and wonderfully made? As the daughter of an emotionally abusive father I have had to battle the thoughts of worthlessness, shame, and self doubt satan has tried to invade my mind with. I believe we need to tell our daughters they are precious in God's eyes and let them know they are fearfully and wonderfully made. In the same token we need to make it clear to them that they are no better than anyone else in the world, and they need to stay grounded.
I have found ways to overcome my feelings of shame and worthlessness through God's love. I don't refer to God as my Daddy only because he deserves so much more than to be compared to someone that was so abusive. I call him my Grand Daddy because my memmories of my grand daddy are so much better. I remember being a little girl and admiring my grand father. How he brought me a piece of gum every time he came to see me and would bounce me on his knee when I was really little. My gradn daddy God is even better than the memories I have of my earthly grandfather.
As mothers we must realize the fine line we need to walk with our daughters and that we need to lift them up when they need it, but also we need to tell them look you aint all that when they need it as well.
Posted by Amy | September 11, 2009 10:12 AM
Wow! many of these points are very thought-provoking. Thanks for posting such a humbling message. God bless, Linnea
Posted by Linnea | September 12, 2009 1:59 PM
WOWZERZ This artical was amazing!!!!!!!!! i <3 this website!!!!!!!
Posted by Sydney | September 21, 2009 8:20 PM
"kellyann" i understand ppl tell me im worth nothin. then God got a hold of me i realized i was worth somethin more than than i could ever imagine. your worth the same and so much more and to "simple shelby" your worth so much more than a couple times in bed with a guy dont go that road girl i went dow that road 1 time then God got ahold of me yall r worth alot n Gods eyes im prayin 4 yall
lots of luv,
Ruth 5
Posted by Ruth 5 | September 22, 2009 5:37 PM
GREAT article! I know I'm a little late commenting, but I still wanted to :) I am hoping to write a little article myself, using some things I learned in this article, things I learned in a movie, and I also hope to do some research on Esther and some other princesses in history to use as well. Anyway, I wanted to comment and talk about a new Disney movie (the movie I'm going to include in my writing) called the Princess Protection Program. It's definitely still Disney and Princess-y, but it kind of talks about this...not in the God way, but about how being a princess isn't shallow--it's a responsibility. You have to be a servant, a good leader to your country. It's not about you. It's about the people. As the princess in the movie says "My Father never called himself king. To our people he was father, brother and friend."
Thanks Jamie for this. It's lots of food for thought and something all of God's princesses need to be reminded of.
Posted by Elizabeth | October 14, 2009 3:29 PM