Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. - Proverbs 4:23
Have you ever been so hurt by a friend, someone you used to call your bff, that you thought something was wrong with you?
You're not the only one. I'm seeing this more and more out there and I'm thinking we need to talk about it. I used to think the verse at the top was just about romantic or dating relationships but it isn't. Some of the biggest hurts in my life have come from my closest friends and happened partly because I thought I didn't need to guard my heart with them. I think what happens is that we make a new friend and we get all excited about them and because it's new and fun we lose ourselves in the friendship and let this person become more important to us than anyone else. Then, because they're the most important thing to us, we become dependent on them and open up our hearts more than we should. I honestly believe that there are places in our hearts meant only for Jesus. It's like a throne room where He sits and holds our hearts safe in His hands. A place where He alone is God and no one else is qualified to sit. And when we get rid of the guard on those places and let others take over, we set ourselves up for a world of hurt because people are by nature selfish and make terrible gods. We have a tendency to use others because it's fun for a while and then move on to someone new who's more fun, and the person left behind is stuck trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what went wrong. From my own experience I can say that the pain that comes with being dumped by a friend can be just as bad as the pain that comes from being dumped by a boyfriend.
So what are we supposed to do? How do we have healthy friendships and love our friends well but still guard our hearts? The truth is that only Jesus can keep us on track when it comes to relationships. If I'm more invested in a relationship with Him than I am with anyone else, then He sits in a position to guard me against even myself. The verse at the beginning tells us that our heart is the source of a joyful life, and a heart that's been beaten and stomped on isn't able to sustain a healthy life. Here are some clues that you've given someone else too much control of your life and your heart:
- You find yourself so strongly drawn to someone that you think about them all the time and you've lost interest in everyone else.
- You have to stay constantly connected by text, e-mail, phone etc. and if they don't respond immediately or pick up when you call you assume the worst and get anxious and depressed.
- Your relationship is highly physical even to the point of making those around you uncomfortable.
- You've lost yourself so much in the friendship that you've done things you always said you wouldn't.
- You feel anxious and depressed when you can't be together, or when your friend chooses to hang out with someone else.
- You're constantly trying to manipulate every situation so that you can be together, even to the point of lying to your parents and other friends.
Those are just a few but if any of those are ringing warning bells in your head, you need help to get some boundaries back in place and steer things in a healthier direction. If you don't, one or both of you will end up getting hurt and it won't be worth it. Start talking to Jesus about it and then get someone else involved who really loves you, like your parents.
Anybody out there know what I'm talking about?
Comments (15)
I definitely can relate! I have been dumped by about three "best friends" in my Elementary and Junior High years, and it pays off to guard your heart. Also, for those who are just spending all your time with those you see either at a class or church, and you may say, well I don't have those really bad symptoms, don't discount them. Learn o balance your friendships. Don't buy into the world's way of friendships. they only last until your all used up. Do what the bible says, If you want friends, you must be yourself friendly,don't be doing all the work... it must be a friend-SHIP not a friend boat. Anyway, hope this makes sense. :)
Posted by Christy | April 1, 2009 1:24 PM
I just "broke up" with my best friend. She is into drinking and partying and she isn't really interested in keeping her morals so to speak. I was reading the clues and some of them were how I felt! I feel so stupid cuz I was totally her little follower and I'd get all sad if she didn't want to hang out.
About two months ago I went to winter camp with one of my childhood friends[Sara] that I wasn't really close with. We became really close to God and eachother that weekend. I've been hanging out with her ever since. On the way back I realized how crappy my best friend was treating me and how much she had changed me. I think me and Sara were meant to go to that camp together. She is so much like me:) but I will always keep that room in my heart for God:)
Posted by Cee | April 1, 2009 1:49 PM
OMgosh! Im going thru this exact thing right now! Be careful. truly guard ur heart!
Posted by Dee | April 1, 2009 3:18 PM
yes and its amazing how God leads me to help beacuase latlyu i have been dealing with a difficult friendship and i had to tell her that i was through with her it was the hardest thing! she talked about me behind my back, lied to me, tried to break my boyfriend and i, and said and did some hurtful things. But im moving forward. she was a worldly friend which could have put my eternity in trouble so i am better off not being friends you cant relly be friend with worldy people cuz they will try to corrupt you into sex, drugs, lies, and troulbe. so you better off without them. its hard but God will always send some1 ur way!
Posted by kate | April 1, 2009 3:55 PM
Omgsh!!! i totally know what your talking about. That's happened to me before. =[
alex
Posted by Alex | April 1, 2009 4:33 PM
I had a really close friend that defied the trust in our relationship. I was so hurt and it has been six months but the pain of broken trust still hurts. I want to forgive like Jesus would, but it's still hard to have the same openess we once had.
Posted by anjelica | April 1, 2009 4:54 PM
Thank you so much for posting this! I have poured out my heart to girl friends so many times and have gotten "stabbed in the back" and was left feeling worried that they would tell others about the things I had once confided to them.
I am a very open person and am learning quickly that I need to watch what I say to people because nobody is perfect. People make mistakes - whether intentionally or unintentionally - and they will let us down, but Jesus won't. That's why we need to confide in Him and trust Him with our hearts.
Posted by Lindsay | April 1, 2009 10:27 PM
Thank you for writing this! That was definitely something that God had to change in me. Last year I was friends with 2 other people, who I was desperately trying to hold on to and keep our friendships alive (because of a lot of things that were going on and breaking us a part). I was looking for that love and kindness from them and from a significant other when I should have been searching for that love from Jesus himself. I had to learn that only God fulfills that void in my heart that I'd been searching for and now I can honestly say I am content with His love. Of course it did hurt losing them as friends, but God has healed my heart and now I feel so much better than before! But thanks again for writing this. It was a great reminder of how God opened up my eyes to see the truth.
Posted by ashley marie | April 2, 2009 8:57 AM
wow this artical and all the comments is so inspireing & a big confidence booster. i recently realized that my closest "frieds" were not so good influences either. i go through the day feeling so alone & isolated...a couple of my real friends go to another school & i only sea them @ church ...but i was getting ready one morning & i had gotten through praying & worrying about how bad being alone would be but then i turned on my radio & no lie the 1st thing i heard was "i am a friend of god" & ever since then when ever i feel alone i think about that song & thank god for blessing me with the great friends i do have because i'd rather have 1 true & good friend than a 1,000 fake ones :) & of coarse my heavenly father as my best friend too
Posted by Rebekah | April 13, 2009 9:55 PM
This is totally true...every person should remember this one verse if nothing else.
Posted by Nicole | April 26, 2009 12:42 PM
I really know what you're talking about. Just recently the person I thought of as my bff started talking abou tme behing my back, AGAIN. My mom told me I just needed to let her go, but we're friends again, but just not bff's. I am definately working on guarding my heart, because I don't want the same kind of heart brake to happen again.
Posted by christian | April 30, 2009 12:43 PM
I completely understand what your talking about. Two of my best friends did something that completely changed my life. They did something to me I would never have imagined. Its too personal to just talk about, but know that I entirely understand. These were people that I trusted and I thought cared about me. But they let there sinful desires get the best of them. so, needless to say, I have definately put my guard up, its hard for me to trust anyone now
Posted by Emily | June 4, 2009 12:38 PM
I had a best friend for years. She and talked and did everything together. Then, a new girl started coming to our church and I noticed the relationship between my best friend and I was starting to ''fade'' away. I felt alone and sad. I was 12 at the time and we had been best friends for like six years. I haven't had a best friend since and I've guarded my heart against true friends and non-true friends. It's been hard though because I haven't had another friend like her and I missed her terribly. Recently, she started being extremely friendly and I was trying to involve me in things. It was very awkward. I felt like I didn't fit in. Last Saturday I invited her over to a family event and she stayed over night. We stayed up really late... umm.. early, and caught up and all the years we missed. I think our relationship might be starting over again. :)
Posted by dancer4Christ | September 11, 2009 2:30 PM
I feal like I have no close friends, I know Jesus is my friend, but I want a human friend. I moved last year, and I started to think I was making friends, but I realised they were only friendly when it was fun. I am homeschooled, witch I love, but that means i don't get as many chances to make friends.I don't want to turn out like that. You could say I'm a work in progress.
Posted by Maddie | January 1, 2010 1:50 AM
Wow Maddie I can relate to you!! I have one friend who lived across the street from me and we were very close (so i thought!) But we were constanly fighting and hating each other! Thank you for writing this cuz i am going thru tuff times with friends! I am a homeskoler just like Maddie and just moved as well and am trying to make friends. I am also a work im progress!
Posted by Carmen | February 3, 2010 10:17 AM