What you always wanted to know about being a virgin…
Virgin. I always thought it was just a record label, but it’s actually lots more. It is a decision, a conviction, and a lifestyle. And believe me, it can be difficult!! There has never been a more sexually aware generation than this one. Plenty of people will want to take the gift of virginity from you before you marry, but you don’t have to give in. You do have a choice, and it’s a choice you aren’t making alone.
I am 27 and a virgin. As I said, being a virgin until marriage is a lifestyle, and I have had to make some important lifestyle decisions to remain a virgin for this long. Signing a piece of paper or wear a purity ring is great, but keeping your virginity takes more than that. As with everything in life, it’s the small choices that make the big difference. So here are a few simple ways to help you with the promise you’ve made to yourself, your parents, God and your future husband.
1. Know Why You Want to be a Virgin Until You’re Married
Is it just because you are afraid of an STD or pregnancy? Is it because you’re afraid of your parents (perhaps a little fear here is okay)? Those reasons will not seem that important in the heat of the moment. Personally, I want to have sex with only one person in my life because I believe it is a very sacred and love-filled experience; I want to show myself faithful to God and my future husband - so I wait. I remain pure because of God’s desire for my life to be pure and a reflection of who He is. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own…” (1 Corinthians 6:19).
2. Be careful little eyes….
Be mindful of the movies and shows you choose to watch, or even of the music you listen to. Not only do you want to stay away from pornography, but you want to guard your heart (your eyes and ears too) of things like lust and love showcased in scenes with nudity, sexual acts, talk of sex and the like. If you allow yourself to constantly be exposed to such images and lifestyles, you will begin to tolerate such behavior and eventually accept it. Just because Hollywood produces it - doesn’t mean you have to watch it.
3. Dress to be PURE.
It’s not bad to look or feel beautiful, just don’t flaunt it. To spell it out, NO cleavage, short-shorts or skirts, exposed bellies, and no one wants to see your g-string sticking out of your hipster jeans…just remember that girls!!!
4. Declare a No-Zone!
Here’s the deal: going past first base is a no-zone! This should be discussed with your parents as well as with your boyfriend so that boundaries are set in regards to the physical aspect of your relationship. The further you go, the harder it is to stop the progression. The no-zone should at least include everything between the neck and knees – having this set will help you focus your attention on the emotional, mental and spiritual connection in the relationship rather than physical lust. Another thought too, would you want your future husband fooling around with others girl? How would he feel about you fooling around with other guys?
5. DDD: Don’t Date Dofuses!!
When you get to know someone in a dating relationship, you will learn pretty quickly what exactly they believe in not by their words, but by their behavior. You shouldn’t settle for someone who simply tolerates your beliefs – but rather personally accepts them as well. If they don’t, BREAK UP. Why waste your time? Don’t you want to be dating someone who respects and lives by the same standards you do?
6. Make Sure People Are Around
Being alone (i.e. on a dark secluded beach where there’s no one in sight) is far too tempting for even the most zealous virgin. So if you go to the beach, be sure it’s a busy one. Only be at home when others are home too. Plan your time together so it is exciting - do coffee, go to dinner, TALK - then you won’t think about fooling around.
7. Birds of a Feather
Hang out with friends who have the same standards and morals. You’ll have positive peer pressure to remain pure. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).
Determine that sex is something you will only experience with one person in your life and when it does happen (i.e. the wedding night), it will be the best thing you’ve ever done - no regrets, no disappointments, just 100% pure love as God intended.
Written by: Sarah Carter; copyright virtuousreality.com
She is the author of “Single Christian Female” and a motivational speaker for youth.
Comments (18)
This sort of article is nothing new to me, but something I am excited to see on the net. I am a 23 yr old virgin, who's had alot of struggles along the way at staying so! It is so important for younger girls to know that there ARE adult virgins as well, who are beautiful, and amazingly confident in what Gods asked of them! Thanks for this!
Posted by Cara | March 31, 2008 12:25 PM
well I'll just say that i LOVE that this stuff is being talked about still, not many girls that i know are still into staying pure before marriage. They kinda have let society get to them and they have forgotten all about what it means to keep that special time for your husband...him being the only one you ever are with. Well I have a purity ring and i get questions about it all the time. I am always so happy to share with these girls and guys at my high school all about what the Lord has for all of us. So many are shocked that i have made that promise to myself. Many guys are impressed with it. And along with the good always comes the bad. I get rude comments about it too, but i just try to ignore them and not think about it. Because its not their future i'm trying to change...its mine. I'm so glad there are girls and guys out there who have also made this promise. :]
Posted by victoria | April 2, 2008 5:32 PM
I'm so happy to see this on the web. I remained a virgin until I married at 24. Just a note of encouragement, that God has blessed this area of our marriage. I believe it's because we followed His desire for us. This has created a level of safety and trust, that my husband has my best interest at heart in other matters as well. Keep the faith and don't be discouraged!
Posted by Jennifer | April 10, 2008 8:59 AM
I am just 13 years old. I am strating to get into the whole boyfriend/girlfriend buisness. This has really helped me out. Thanks.
Posted by Brooke | April 12, 2008 9:48 PM
I just wanted to say thanks for this! I'm a virgin, and I'm always looking for something to help me stay convicted! This article had helped me out a lot.
Posted by Em | April 20, 2008 3:07 PM
I'm a 29 year old virgin. Reading this article and comments,It's good to know that I'm not alone. Knowing that you have others who share the same mind set as I do is encouraging. I want share this experience with whom I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.
Posted by N | September 18, 2008 4:25 AM
Is It Wrong That I Think The Pure Should Stay With The Pure? I Don't Know But, I Think It's Unfair If One Has Waited Until The Day He/She Got Married, While The Other Went Out & Had Their Fun. I'm 20 Soon To Be 21 & I'm Starting To Lose Hope On Thinking I'll Find That One Girl Who Has My Rib To Complete Me. :-(
Posted by Moses | January 23, 2009 2:45 AM
I think it will defintely be worth it! I am a 16 year old virgin and proud of it! I am so excited to see what God has planned for my life - even if that means waiting til I'm 30 to get married (which I doubt will happen) to do missions work, I'm more than enthusiastic about it! I love the article - very encouraging! :)
Posted by Rachel | July 11, 2009 11:30 AM
In today's society it is hard to remain pure, just look at the movies!! But I'm 12 and still a virgin, and I'm going to save my first kiss for the future husband for me!(not to mention save other stuff) I think it is great that teen and tween girls alike, can come read and ask questions about sex and pureness!
Posted by Amy | July 12, 2009 1:46 PM
and being pure is pure minded to. that is a really hard part for me since i haven't dated yet and just have crushes. i've received my purity and tell people bout it when they ask. my purity is a trend nothing to be ashamed of! and when i am not having the most puriest thoughts, i rub my ring and say a little pray for me, my faith, my purity, my relationship with Christ AND my future husband who is saving his purity for me too, even when he road is extremly bumpy!
Posted by Sara | July 17, 2009 4:09 PM
Its me again and id just like to say thans for putting this on here cause i think its good for Christians to know.
Posted by Brooke : | October 30, 2009 4:49 PM
My mom told me about this website because this week i had a mental and emotional breakdown. everything i have read thus far has helped me incredibly. not only in my stability, but also my relationship with God. with this and my parents support i see life from a whole new perspective :) thanks.
Posted by -Chelle | December 20, 2009 11:43 PM
I am 13 and a virgin, but when I was 11 I looked at things online that I should. Because of that I was tempted to go far. Luckily I had no boyfriend. I realy regert this and am warning you, BE CAREFUL, you will not regert this.
Posted by Star | January 2, 2010 5:12 PM
This is VERY encouraging for me. I am getting my promise ring this summer and am determined to, not only stay a virgin until marrige, but have my first kiss be my wedding kiss.
Posted by Elizabeth | June 3, 2010 7:23 AM
i am going to buy a promise ring. i want to stay pure in this sexually-cultured world.
my brother and his wife married at 26, and they were both virgins.
i want to wear a white dress to my wedding. i know so many people that take it too far too early.
another reason to save sex, is that after a boy gets it, he usually moves on 2 another girl.
we girls can do better than that.
i am a virgin, but i am only 13.
thanks so much for posting, Sarah.
Blessings,
S
Posted by S | October 18, 2010 7:58 AM
This website really helps me pull thru. When me and my mom 1st talked about this stuff, i was 11 and it seemed sooooo easy to stay pure! That is a real lie! I wish more girls would at least try to be pure. I think that writing a list of things to keep you pure, like this one, is a great idea. Thank you!
Posted by Kerryn | June 20, 2011 10:40 AM
i have a question. im 16 and i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. we havent had sex and both of us are virgins. but.. we have played around. i really want us both to get purity rings and we have both agreed to wait till marriage. is it okay to get a purity ring although we have played around a bit?
Posted by tuttie | August 11, 2011 2:08 PM
tuttie,
I don't know if you will check this again but if you do I hope this helps. If a purity ring is what you need to remind you to stay pure then sure go get one. I think that because you are on here asking questions means that you have doubts about having played around. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and have a discussion on your limits. Like someone said earlier -if you set limits now your boyfriend will know where the line is.
I hope this helps you...God Bless you!
Posted by Shannon | December 20, 2011 11:25 AM