Beware of the Hook-Up Trend

I had a roommate in college who was the chaplain of her sorority. She was in charge of opening the meetings in prayer and organizing small group Bible studies. When her birthday rolled around, I set out in search of a Christian tape (no such thing as CDs yet!) that she had told me she wanted earlier in the month. I was not a Christian at the time and I recall the awkwardness of walking into a Christian bookstore.

Maria’s faith was a mystery to me. I was searching for meaning and purpose in my life, but resistant to embrace Christianity based on some unfortunate episodes of hypocrisy I had witnessed in my earlier years. I was watching Maria closely to see if she was any different from some of the Christians I had known in the past who couldn’t seem to match their walk with their talk. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t have to watch long. Maria and I were talking about a date she had been on the night before with a guy she had met at a mixer (a party where a sorority and a fraternity get together). She had been really excited about this date so I couldn’t wait to hear about the details. Unfortunately, she gave me way more details than I ever wanted to know. She told me that it was very clear by the end of the date that he wanted “something.” She shrugged it off and said, “So, I gave him what he wanted so he would leave me alone—we didn’t have sex but, you know . . .” I was shocked. I would never do such a thing and yet, she was the Christian!

In my day, behavior like that was considered unacceptable. In fact, we had a name for girls who “hooked-up” with guys for one night stands. Unfortunately, what my roommate did is common in teen culture today. Girls and guys “hook-up” to mess around sexually. Some go all the way and others come close. Many who have been brainwashed by television, movies, music, and fashion magazines shrug it off as “no big deal.”

There was even a study done among college women that determined dating has pretty much been replaced by “hooking-up.” Girls interviewed in the study claimed that guys have come to expect hook-ups. Many girls expressed frustration that very few guys will go to the trouble to work up their nerve to ask a girl out on a formal date, pay for the date, and behave as a perfect gentleman by expecting nothing in return at the end of the date, especially when so many girls are willing to hook-up for free, no strings attached. The study also revealed that hook-ups were taking an emotional toll on the girls. In light of the culture’s cry for sexual freedom and the right to have sex and/or mess around with no obligations, girls couldn’t seem to rationalize it away like the guys.

God created sex to be a beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife. When sex or sexual activity is practiced outside of marriage it will always lead to emptiness and confusion. Shame may not follow immediately, but rest assured, it will follow. Girls are not wired to hook-up casually with guys without suffering emotional consequences. Many girls will hook-up as a means to get the attention they desperately crave from guys.

Christian girls know better than to settle for this kind of negative attention. For one, it is sin and sin will never fill the void in your heart. Secondly, you are a child of the king and set apart for great things—not casual one night stands. Your worth should come from knowing you are loved beyond measure by the God of this universe. Make it a habit to bask in the glow of his perfect love. You deserve respect but first, you must respect yourself.

Written by: Vicki Courtney, founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and best-selling author of "Your Girl," "Your Boy," and the entire "TeenVirtue" and "Between" series.

Article taken from TeenVirtue: Real Issues, Real Life…A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide. Used with permission from Broadman and Holman Publishing.

Comments (8)


i think this is a great help in both my life and i hope it will help those whom i forward this to

some of my friend like this 'hooking up' stuff and i keep praying 4 them and i hope you will to


Thanks for speaking up! This article is relevant and so necessary. Our society's moral compass is way off course.


This is such a great article! We have been talking about purity in my youth group on wednesdays. I think I will take this article to show the girls! Thanks for the encouragement to do whats right, we really need it these days!


After reading this article I'm thankful that I do have really good friends who encourage me with their high standards of purity and maybe God is shining through our lives into dark corners which I don't really see but He does.


Thanxs for sending this out... it is soo needed now adays! as u said in the article, even though i'm home schooled, i see a lot of that and have met many a girl who give their hearts away without any hesitation. it breaks my heart to see it!


Thank you SO much for taking the time to write about something that is SO important nowadays! So many girls that i go to high school with are ready and open to give their hearts away to anyone who will take it....and it breaks my heart watching them have guys take them, use them, then throw them away. One girl i know thought she was preganant so she told her boyfriend, because he would have been the father of the child.....and his response to her was..."it isn't my child" He would'nt take ownership of something that was his....and he knew was his. It just broke my heart. One, that she was preganent @ 14, Two, that her heart was riped out and broken in two. she is such a lost and broken girl. I pray for her everyday...and try to talk to her about her life, but i always get pushed away. The world we live in is SO messed up! But that kind of behavior is normal to the world. Whats so normal about having your heart broken? - Victoria

Thank you for righting this artical it really helps me i have had a lot of trouble with this and this really helps alot thank you so so so so much.


This is GREAT!!! I really like the fact that you're trying to get this kind of stuff out there for girls to read. Awesome!

Post a comment