Three points in a field goal, three strands to braid hair, three minutes for mac & cheese. Three is a good number; that is, until you put three girls together!
Three friends is more like three strikes and you’re out. I discovered this the hard way when my mom allowed me to invite a couple friends to spend the night. It was a disaster from the very beginning. We couldn’t agree on what to do, we got mad at the one who didn’t take our side, we fought over who would sit in the middle, and we took turns pouting when our feelings got hurt. Looking back, cleaning my room would have been more fun!
It’s weird, I had always gotten along with both these girls in the past and they seemed to have a mutual respect for one another as well. However, put us all together and it was a recipe for misery. After they left, my mom and I had a long talk. She shared that when she was my age, she had experienced the same thing, which made me feel better knowing I wasn’t alone.
She said that when you have a group of three, it’s kind of similar to getting along with your family members. It’s give and take. Sometimes you get your way and sometimes you don’t. Which, of course, is challenging when you don’t get your way (no matter your age); us girls tend to either take it personally or possibly think the other two are ganging up on you.
The secret to hanging out in a group of three is to be a servant. This has always been hard for me. Why can’t someone else be the servant? I want to be the one who gets my way! So, what’s the verdict? When it comes to friends, is three a crowd? It doesn’t have to be. My mom pointed out that we are more like Christ when we are serving others. The next time I find myself in a group of three, I am going to try my hardest to be the servant. Look at it this way, what do I have to lose?
Written by: Vicki Courtney; copyright virtuousreality.com
Comments (13)
I have two friends, plus me, and that makes a group of three, a group in which we are always crowded into. I am really tired of all of the "fighting" that we seem to get tangled into daily. It's really hard for me though because I always think I'm right and it's a super bad character flaw. I'm really working on it because I know how much it is affecting my relationships.
Posted by Taylor | December 31, 2007 11:35 AM
I have two best friends who are also my two accountability partners. We never fight when we get together. I think that's because we truly love and care for each other as Jesus calls us to. There are of course times when one of us feels a little left out, but whenever we're feeling that way, we bring the point up and talk it out. I totally agree that you need to be a servant to your friends just as Jesus was. And I also think it's really important to be completely honest and talk through any tough points or feelings to prevent a future conflict.
Posted by Sydney | January 6, 2008 1:42 PM
I have two friends also and they leave me out. If it wasnt for TeenVirtue and this artical, I would have been stuck with the same old left out and back-stabbing. Now I know that I should do what's right and what god has intended us all to do.
Posted by Hannah | March 29, 2008 7:03 PM
I have two really good friends, and this happens sometimes. All of sudden someones feelings are hurt or all of a sudden someone feels left out. Its so frustrating sometimes, but we have learned that if we just talk it out then we're ok then. It makes it better. And thats totally true sometimes you just have to be the servent when no one else is. Victoria
Posted by victoria | April 2, 2008 5:47 PM
I have felt that way before, I had one best friend in fourth grade,and then the next year in fifth grade was addded. Most of the time we would just hang-out together, but most of the time it felt like one of them just wanted me to be her best friend, but the ohter wanted me to be just her bestfriend, so sometimes it would be confusing, but it all worked out and we all became as "The Three Mustakers"!
Posted by Tiffany | June 16, 2008 4:48 PM
Me and my friends were recognized as a "clique". Our Sunday school teacher told us one Sunday as we were heading out that some of the new kids thought we were really annoying and loud and mean because we pretty much only talked to each other. That made me think about what God would think of that. See, there's this really popular girl in our youth group and she only hangs out with like two girls and associates herself exclusively with them (and of course her boyfriend of the month.) And to be honest... they're not nice. I didn't want to turn out like that and neither did my friends, so we promised that we would talk to everybody. And now, I've never had more friends! Seriously, my advice would be read the Bible, pray, and watch how you talk to and about people!
Kat+
Posted by Kat | July 3, 2008 7:53 PM
Hey girls,
I just became really close with one of my coworkers and we call each other bff's. Then we added a girl to our group of two and now she calls my friend to hang out and not me. What's up, in the beginning when she first came around we all hung out, now it seems she just wants her all to herself. What shall I do?
Posted by kparks35 | February 5, 2009 1:50 AM
kparks35,
I get your drift. That's what's happening to me. Last year I get a best friend that is amazing. She comes back this year and we both meet this nice girl and...all of a sudden, they giggle and whisper and talk about the great movie they went to see last Saturday or how much fun their sleepover was. What's with that?
Posted by Emily | June 6, 2009 6:10 PM
I haven't been in a situation like this, but I will make sure if it ever happens that I try to keep the ''servant'' attitude when I'm around them.
Posted by dancer4Christ | September 11, 2009 2:32 PM
I know how you all feel. I also have two friends, which it can get pretty bad. Everytime all three of us go outside for recess we get into a fight. Today at the elementary it was the last recess , so Sydney,Ashtyn, and I went outside , and as I was walking by Sydney and Ashtyn I said "excuse me can I play with ya'll?" So they replied " "/nothing. after that I went over to "the lonely swing."(we call it that because there are no other swings around it.) Sydney comes over to me and asks "What's the matter?" I replied "Ashtyn's the matter." So we went over somewhere and talked privatly. So now I'm trieing to avoid Ashtyn as much as I can. Also my grandmother is in the hospital dieing. Also other than that last week at lunch I was sitting by a boy (he can get on my nerves.) and I was just sitting there eating my lunch, and he passes down that I SLEEP NAKED WITH MY BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!Also another thing is I think 9 (about to be ten) year old should have these kind of problems.(I am a 9 year old muture female.)Now all of my problems have piled up and now I am depressed. The reason I can tell is because I can't help myself from eating sugar,fattening foods, and I am always tired. I've talked about these problems to my mom and grandma just about 5 times but they are getting worse. I have two more things to talk about... first of all there are these two popular girls in my class (which I am NOT one of them.)and they used to be my friends and when I try to pass notes to them (our teacher lets us.)they never replied. Secondly there's this MEAN GIRL in my class so I get bullied everyday at school by her and take it from me it's not fun at all being bullied. Help if you can, God bless,
Alexis
Posted by Alexis | January 13, 2010 9:46 PM
this has happened to me in middle school this friend never wanted to be with my other friends just four friends and i wanted to be with other people and i started liking ths other girl more because i could talk to her about boys but the girl that is mad at me was like who needs a bf in middle school and she dosent like anything i do so i just am giving up on her but the other night she poured lemonade on this guy who cheated on every girl and the guy ran out of the building and i felt so bad even though he was mean so i went to talk to him and hopefully i made him feel better
Posted by Nicole | April 12, 2010 2:54 PM
that has happened to me and it is still happening i mean in middle school u start to get interested in boys and all well i have been friends with these two girls plus my sister well when we hit middle school one of the girls i started to like more because we just didnt sit with the four of us we went and sat with all of our other friends and we talked about middle school and when this other friend started to think i didnt like her anymore which was kinda true but it was only because she didnt want to be with any one else and she always embrassed me and i was always frustrated with her and i wanted to be friends with someone else for a change and she just dosent get it! ugh!!!!
Posted by Nicole | April 12, 2010 2:55 PM
In youth group at church- my friends and I have a little group. The thing is, we have 2 girls and 4 boys! PERFECT! NOT three tgirls- just 2!
Posted by KatieRose | August 15, 2010 4:24 PM