Dressed to Lure or be Pure?

My boys are obsessed with fishing in a pond set back in a wooded area behind our house. Because this pond can only be accessed by a few homes in our neighborhood it is well stocked with fish of every kind. My boys never tire of hiking back there with their nets, poles, and tackle boxes. They shimmy carefully out onto a homemade make-shift dock perched atop a leaning tree and casting their lines into the water. Their quest: Catching one of the big-mouth bass who will occasionally swim teasingly near the surface of the water. Trust me, these fish are not big by accident. These guys have had the run of the pond for years—that is, until my boys came along. Fortunately, my boys are only interested in the challenge of catching them and once they do, they pull out the hook and throw them right back in for a second chance. (That’s your cue to say “Ahhhhhhh, poor little fishies.) Both my boys insist that snagging these big 10-12 lb. bass come down to the bait. They rely on fancy spinner lures that attract the curious fish with shimmering pieces of metal and rubber tentacles that dangle from a hook.

So, what in the world does fishing have to do with they way girls dress? Given the scanty fashions of the day, many girls are unaware that the clothes they wear can act as bait—the kind that attracts boys. You’ve probably noticed by now that girls and guys are wired differently. When it comes to attraction, girls tend to be more emotionally wired while guys tend to be more visually wired. An article appeared in my local paper called "What girls wear, and what boys think" that proves this point. A sampling of boys we're interviewed at the local mall and asked what they thought of some of the girls who walked by wearing hip hugger jeans with bare midriffs and scanty tops. One boy suggested that girls dress that way because they want attention. Another boy said it is an 'invitation.' He said, "They're telling you, 'Come get it.' When girls dress like that, it tells guys they're easy."

The truth hurts. For many girls, their sincere motive in wearing skin-baring fashions is to be fashionable. Unfortunately, there is no denying that guys read much more into it than a sincere fashion statement. Just like the lures my sons use to attract the fish they catch, your clothes may be sending out an invitation to the guys that you never intended to send. Some girls are fully aware of the power they can have over the opposite sex when it comes to cultivating their sensualities with just the right outfit, whether it’s a cleavage-baring top, short shorts, a bare midriff, or tight-fitting clothes. For them, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Regardless of whether or not a girl’s motives are to be fashionable or to be sensual, the results are the same. Like the bass drawn to just the right bait, guys will be drawn to you…but for all the wrong reasons. When the fish see bait, they see a free meal—and they get it to go. Do you want to send that kind of message to the guys?

The Bible actually addresses how women should dress. In 1 Timothy 2:9 it says, “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety.” The actual word for “propriety” is a Greek word, “sophrosune,” which means “sanity or soundness of mind.” Let me translate the verse for you: Does that outfit indicate that you’ve LOST YOUR MIND?! I am shocked at how many Christian girls who should know better show up at church (or anywhere else, for that matter) dressed inappropriately. I recall a Sunday morning service where one of the girls in the youth group took part in a skit. She was wearing a skirt that was small enough to fit my 5 lb. Yorkie. Clearly, she hadn’t thought this through and when she went to sit down during the skit, her skirt was eye-level of the audience and she ended up flashing everyone in the congregation, including Pastor on the front row! Now c’mon. There’s nothing cool about that!

Here’s the bottom line when it comes to modesty: You want what you wear on the outside to allow others to focus on God rather than you. I am certainly not saying you have to dress like a nun. It is possible to dress both fashionably and modestly but it will take some effort and extra time spent looking for clothes that would pass the test. Take God shopping with you next time and when you look in the mirror, ask Him what He thinks. His opinion is the only one that matters. Remember, if you are a Christian, your body is the temple of His Holy Spirit so He has a vested interest in how you choose to adorn His temple. You also want to be certain that what you wear reflects who you are on the inside. That way, when a guy is drawn to you, it will be for the right reasons.

Dressing modestly not only demands respect from the guys but it is a sign of self-respect. It makes the statement that you feel good enough about yourself without having to dress in such a way that would “lure” the wrong kind of attention. Get in the habit of doing a mirror check before you head out and ask yourself, “Is this outfit screaming ‘lure’ or ‘pure’?”


Written by: Vicki Courtney, founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and best-selling author of "Your Girl," "Your Boy," and the entire "TeenVirtue" and "Between" series.

Article taken from TeenVirtue: Real Issues, Real Life…A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide. Used with permission from Broadman and Holman Publishing.

Comments (13)

Andrea:

I totally agree with Mrs.Courtney! Like why do we girls want to be a stumbling block for the guys. Sometimes we talk about them saying: that they can't control themselves. But its partially our fault for us, girls, to dress immodestly. Sometimes I find really cute outfitts but it's not appropiate to wear and i resist in buying it. And i frankly don't want to be a stumbling block for the guys AND men! And how do we want others (men & woman) to see God in US if we can't even dress the way he approves us to dress. I do know that the media aren't really giving us a good example but we need to be and show God to others but the way we dress. I know that most of the nice or cute looking outfitts are immodest but just keep looking and you will find something else similar but modest and approved by God.
I really like the verse Mrs.Courtney metioned earlier;

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety.1 Timothy 2:9

My mom is a preacher and i know that i HAVE TO dress modestly because everyone is looking at me. And even if i wasn't..... i don't want to be a stumbling block for men but set an example to other girls. :)

Andrea:

I totally agree with Mrs.Courtney and it's so totally true. Like sometimes we girls tend to talk about guys saying: why can't guys just control themselves. But it's partcially our fault that we, girls, dress immodestly. Why do we want to be a stumbling block for guys and men! We don't intend to but we do by the way we dress. I know that the media aren't really giving us a good example by the way the woman dress. I do know that some of the cutest, coolest and prettiest outfitts are immodest but we need to try to resist in buying them. Sometimes i want a really pretty dress for a prom or something but i know that its immodest and i do resist in buying it. I certainly don't want to be a stumbling for guys. And we need to show others God but how are we going to if we dress immodestly?? My mom's a preacher and i know that i need to be an example to others (men & woman) by the way i dress. So we need to ponder what Mrs.Courtney said and think about it. If we girls can't control ourselves by the way we dress....guys certainly can't control what they think.

Abby:

That's right. We need to buckle down and love guys really...love them and want the best for them, and not want them to stumble over us. Does that make sense?

foster evelyn:

Dear Andrea, God bless you real good for posting such an article on the motives behind the dresses some girls wear. pls, keep teachng us on the beauty of modesty in dressing.
thanks and Godbless,
Evelyn Foster
Nigeria

Banana:

There is this chick @ my school & she allways seems to be insalting me about how my outfite is soooooooooo out of stile. She also wears 2-tight-shirts. You know, i cant just go out & buy evry thing that gos in stile. & wat am i suposed 2 do w/ all my other clothes? tanx 4 sending tat v.r!

Cassie:

i TOTALLY agree!! some girls really make it hard for guys. I have a couple of guy friends and i can tell the difference in their mood depending on the clothes i wear. onece i wore one of my shirts too low (terribly regret it) and he seemed very ucomforetably. i think good christain guys are more attracted to girls that wear nice modest clothes.

kenzie:

All guys want girls to be modest. we as girls need to stop thinking that the scanty clothing seen on t.v. is called fashion what -so - ever, G-d
loves us the way we are. modesty means your saving everything for that future husband of yours, not to boys nor men. we girls need to make a stand and dress modestly and love G-d more!

Abbie:

Sometimes it is really hard not to look at girls and say they look really nice in that outfit. Then I say hey maybe I should get an outfit like that, even if it isn't the most modest. but now i've realized that guys have such a hard time already when they look at girls, let's not make it any harder for them. besides the guy that I marry will love me because of the way I dress, takl, and act around other people. I don't want to dress unmodest now and have problems later.

Maddie:

Superchick has a song called Barlow girls, the chorus goes like this;

All the boys in the band want a valentine from a Barlow Girl
Boys think they're the bomb
Cause they remind them of their mom

you may say I wish that's what it's like in this society, it is more than you may think. Am I the only one who thinks showing off more than you should is creepy? I went shopping for a bathing suit and there one piece was worse than the two pieces!! LOL
After all guys don't look (or care)about fashion, they see what's sticking out around it. :(

Kelsey :

Thank you so much for posting this. I'm a freshmen in high school and also comes from a rural area and i've gotta a lot of the girls dress like excuse my language hoes i mean one of my "friends" friends dresses like she's going to a rave everyday after school and i've gotta that is just wrong.

Sylvia:

Thanks for posting this it really oppened my eyes and that I need to look at myself befor I walk out of the house I have some long t-shirts and I like to tie them to make them tighter but I will not be doing that anymore I realized that if Im protesting to be a christian I need to start dressing for the lord.

Ting :

Dear Vicki,

Is there a 'Share' button that I can just click and this particular article will be on my facebook? Thanks...Ting K.

P.S. What a great piece of writing! I would like to share with my friends on facebook.

Rainy:

Dear Vicki,

I enjoyded this aricle very much. It really spoke to me!! I oo wish I could click a share buton so all my friends could see this!!

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