On a recent jaunt to the local Starbucks, the gal in front of me ordered a low-fat grande vanilla no foam latte. Let me interpret that for you in laymen's terms: I'm on a diet, but desperate for a jolt of caffeine. I recognized the familiar diet language from my own past experience of trying to shave every calorie off a grande latte, yet still having something left in the cup. Ah, the fond memories of a chronic dieter.
As I stepped up to the counter, I felt a twinge of guilt as I ordered a vanilla latte with all the extras. Was I experiencing a weak moment of abandoned will power? Not exactly. My past history of chronic dieting was not a result of struggling with a weight problem, but quite the contrary. Since high school, I have struggled off and on with an eating disorder. Fortunately, my disorder never required hospitalization, but a few times my weight plunged as low as 100 lbs. on my 5'5" frame. I now consider myself recovered, but I still wrestle from time to time with the temptation to "control" my weight by starvation.
It was during my college years at the University of Texas, that my love/hate relationship with food began. During my freshman year, I gained the traditional 'freshman 10,' plus a few extras. Prior to college, I had always been the athletic type and on the thin side. Weight had never been a problem for me…until college. During the college years, my weight would fluctuate up and down by as much as 30 pounds. At one point, I was just a few pounds shy of my weight dropping into the double digits. I was subsisting on saltines, fruit, and diet sodas and obsessed with working out twice a day. My wake up call came when I passed out at the health club during a workout. Any resolve I made to "get better" was short lived and before long, food was once again, my enemy. This attitude pervaded my thinking each and every day of my college years. If my weight went over 110 lbs., I felt guilty, miserable, and disgusted with myself.
The April 12, 1999 edition of People magazine ran a cover story on eating disorders entitled, "Wasting Away--- Eating Disorders on Campus." The article reported that 1 in every 5 college women suffers from an eating disorder. If you don't have an eating disorder, chances are, you know someone who does. I am not a professional counselor, but I want to offer you some basic truths that helped me in my own recovery.
With an eating disorder, there are three basic issues at the core of the problem:
- It is a physical issue. I remember when my husband was trying to help me in my recovery period and would say, "just eat!" Though his motives were pure, it is similar to telling an alcoholic, "Just stop drinking!" When attempting to help someone with an eating disorder, it rarely helps to hammer at them with pleas to eat, or facts about the damage they are doing to their body.
- It is an emotional issue. Beneath the surface of every eating disorder is a feeling of low self worth and disgust in regard to body image
- For some, it will manifest itself as a control issue - when other things in life are in disarray and out of control, there is a sense of comfort in being able to control your weight. My three most serious bouts with anorexia came at times when I perceived circumstances in my life were out of control.
- For some, it will manifest itself as a way to get attention. Unfortunately, many people will unknowingly contribute to this disorder when paying compliments to those with borderline eating disorders. I was amazed at the amount of favorable praise I received from women, when I looked like nothing more than a skeleton! They told me, "You look great!" My all-time favorite was, "What is your secret to staying so thin?" Amazingly, the comments that most infuriated me came from my husband and a few close friends. They had the boldness to be honest about the situation and said things like, "You look terrible," or "Are you OK? I'm worried about you." Ironically, this negative form of attention spurred me in the quest to get better.
- It is a spiritual issue. When someone is deep in the throws of an eating disorder, building a relationship with Jesus Christ is rarely at the top of their priority list. They are consumed with food - not God. In John 5: 6, Jesus asked a crippled man by the pool of Bethesda before He healed him, "Do you want to get well?" It seems strange that Jesus would ask this of someone who had been lame for 38 years, yet it is a critical question in a healing process.
If you have an eating disorder, can you take a first step by answering the question Jesus posed to the lame man? Do you want to get well? If your answer is a confident "yes," share with someone you trust that you need help. My first step in the healing process came six years ago, when I was finally able to acknowledge, "I want to get well." That is only a first step and it may be necessary to see a Christian counselor or a medical professional. If you are ready, help is on the way. The Great Physician is in…will you see Him?
Written by: Vicki Courtney, founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and best-selling author of "Your Girl," "Your Boy," and the entire "TeenVirtue" and "Between" series.
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