On a recent afternoon while driving my youngest son Hayden (sixth grade), home from school, he caught me off guard with this question, “Mom, how old were you when you had your first kiss?” I hesitated to tell him, given the fact it was at his same age.
His question brought the memory back in an instant. I was with a group of friends at the movies and sitting next to Bobby Mallow, sixth-grade popular boy, and rumor had it, a kissing bandit. He had recently asked me to “go steady,” which is the same thing as “going out” today. I was busy chatting with my friend on the other side of me when the lights in the theater dimmed. I was focused on the previews when all of a sudden, Bobby reached over and grabbed my hand. As the movie wore on, I noticed Bobby beginning to lean into me more and more, finally to where the sides of our heads were almost touching. Just as I was beginning to wonder what his motives were in leaning in so close, he let go of my hand and quickly put his arm around me. That was a new feeling. Before I had time to analyze this move, he turned toward me and with his other hand reached over and gently touched the back of my head, making it nearly impossible to escape the kiss that followed. As if I wanted to, anyway. What happened next was a tingle down-to-your-toes, can’t-catch-your-breath, movie-star kiss. Fortunately, we both thought movie stars kissed with their mouths closed so it stayed rather innocent.
When it was over, I was certain that my heart was beating loud enough for everyone in that theater to hear. I felt as if I was floating on air in some sort of half-awake, half-asleep state of mind. We broke up before a next kiss, and some time passed before I kissed another boy. In the meantime, I stored that kiss in the back of my mind and would replay it from time to time. It has been thirty years since that kiss, and I can still remember it in detail as if it were yesterday.
As I was reflecting back on my first kiss, I heard Hayden calling me back to reality. “Mom, Mom, did you hear me? When was your first kiss?” I snapped out of my trancelike journey to the past and replied to Hayden, “Why are you asking? You are far too young to worry about such silly things!” Wow, that should sway him from taking my same path, huh?
I happened to know that he liked a girl who, rumor had it, liked him in return. I also happened to know that they were both invited to a bonfire party that weekend. And with that thought, my mind raced back to a few bonfires I had attended . . . and hayrides . . . and school dances. Yikes. I had no choice but to head this off at the pass.
“Hayden, I know you probably don’t know this, but kissing before marriage is outlawed in all fifty states. If you get caught, you could do serious jail time.” Not buying it, he replied, “Ah, Mom. I just wanted to know how old you were—that’s all.”
Then it occurred to me what a blessing it was that he would even consider discussing the topic of a first kiss with me. And at that point I decided to take a risk, and I told him the truth.
“Hayden, do you really want to know how old I was when I had my first kiss?” He nodded his head and I proceeded to tell him. I told him how it made me feel, and I confessed that my heart would still race days and even weeks later at the mere thought of that kiss.
As much as I didn’t want to tell him, I leveled with him and told him it was perfectly normal for a kid his age to be curious about kissing and maybe even want to kiss. I also told him that I was far too young for that kiss and the emotions that followed. I told him that the earlier you kiss, the more you dwell on the next kiss, and the next, and the next. After awhile, kissing becomes less and less special, and eventually you look for other ways to get that same thrill—things that should be saved for marriage. He seemed to be listening, and hopefully he will learn from his mother’s mistake.
A kiss is special, and chances are, you will never forget your first kiss. If you haven’t had your first kiss and feel like you are the only one left among your friends, keep in mind that only a little over half of thirteen to sixteen year olds have kissed someone romantically. That means that almost half have not, so you are not alone.1 Whether you have kissed or not, it’s important to remember that a kiss is not something to be given away casually. Girls who are willing to make out just for the sake of making out are often branded as “easy.” Do you want to be thought of that way? Kisses should be guarded, treasured, and shared sparingly. They are too precious to be shared in the backseat of a car, in a dark theater, or at the spin of a bottle.
Years from now, when you meet your future husband, do you really want to tell him that you lost count on how many guys you kissed over the years? Ick. Believe it or not, I actually know of a few couples that saved their first kiss for their wedding day. While it is rare to make it that long, the longer you can wait to kiss and the fewer kisses you give out over time, chances are, the more special it will be when you kiss your future husband. Remember in Princess Diaries when Mia imagined that her first kiss would make her foot pop? When the boy she liked kissed her, it wasn’t at all what she had hoped for. She discovered that there is much more to a sincere kiss than two people being “in like.” By the end of the movie, she finally got her wish of a foot-popping kiss, and it was with someone she had gotten to know first as a friend. Now stop and ask yourself this question: Do you think we would have liked her character as much had she been the type to give kisses out like candy to any guy that looks her way? No way! What made her character endearing was her obvious innocence and self-respect.
A kiss is intimate and personal. Kissing is not a sport. While other girls are making out with countless guys, choose to hold out for that special foot-popping kiss. Your future husband will be glad you did. The fewer guys he has to measure himself against, the better. Guard your kisses, and above all, guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
Written by: Vicki Courtney, founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and best-selling author of "Your Girl," "Your Boy," and the entire "TeenVirtue" and "Between" series.
Article taken from TeenVirtue2: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Relationships. Used with permission from Broadman and Holman Publishing.
Comments (21)
Hey! My first kiss was also around that age... and I have to tell you that I didn't like the guy as much as I thought I did. I'm now 15 and my boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year... I kissed every guy I dated minus 2. (I started dating in the 4th grade, so thats a bunch!!) I truly love my current boyfriend and really wish I had been a little more reserved... . The point is... The longer you can hold off... DO IT!!!
Posted by Kaylee | August 13, 2007 7:35 PM
I'm a Freshman in Highschool and a lot of girls, even girls from my church, have "made out" with guys. I'm saving my first kiss for my future husband, but sometimes it can be awkward in a room full of girls who've "been around" to say, "I've never kissed anyone." But my first kiss is going to be at the altar.
Posted by Anonymous | August 15, 2007 9:31 PM
ok, so i really like this article. though i read it a lil bit late. i had my first kiss in 4th grade because of dare, which was pretty lame. right now im a freshman in college n i`ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years we waited more than six months for hour first kiss, and it was pretty amazing. but i have an additional question to this subject. So kissing a bunch of guys obviously is not the best idea, but what if u have ur boyfriend who you have been with for quite sometime, would it be right to kiss, or even more make out?
Posted by Fabiola | August 16, 2007 8:20 PM
I've always dreamed of kissing a boy but, now that I've read this, I'm not so sure. I think my first foot-popping kiss should be at my wedding and not on a first date.
Age 12
Posted by Avery | August 20, 2007 11:24 AM
I too am saving my first kiss for the altar. I can honestly say that I have never kissed a boy in my entire life. It has been easier for me because I am growing up in a homeschool family. I am in the seventh grade. As I have never dated in my life, and never been allowed to, I have never wanted too. I am saving my first kiss for my husband at the altar.
Age 13
Posted by Ellen | August 23, 2007 11:29 AM
Hello! I'm sooooooooooo glad you addressed this topic! So many times I hear, "It is ok to kiss or make out just as long as we do not go, "All the way"". It just makes me want to scream!!! Girls, I challenge you too wait! I'm right there with you(I've never been kissed and I'm waiting.), but I put my trust in that God will fufill HIs promise to bless the ones who wait! So, I beg you to wait! Luv ya all!
Posted by Jen | August 25, 2007 11:34 PM
I'm really glad I was able to read this article! I'm 16 and I haven't had my first kiss yet. I would loveee to wait until i get to my wedding altar! A major thing that has helped is that I learned from my older sister's mistakes, and I didn't have my first boyfriend until my freshman year, I was 14. Going into the relationship I knew I wanted standards, I just didn't know the specifics. So the time came when he wanted to kiss me--I think it was about 1 month after we were together, and I denied him l.o.l.z Later we talked about it, and after I explained to him what i wanted he totally respected my decision and never tried again. Now I'm proud to say I haven't had my first kiss and that I'm waiting for it to be with my husband :)
Posted by Anonymous | September 26, 2007 8:11 PM
thanks for adressing this topical issue. i'd always been afraid of kisses because of where it might lead to... i had'nt reralily been involved in a deep kiss because of my christian ethics. but i guess it'd be a wonderful experience on the ALTER. and i look forward to that day when i'd have my first intimate kiss.
Posted by evelyn foster | November 9, 2007 5:41 AM
I have never been kissed, but I have always thought about how old I should be when I do
Posted by Morganne | April 20, 2008 2:34 PM
omg u are so right my first kiss was in 4th grade!!! i wish i didnt kiss him. i was far to young and i knew he was cheating on me he was so nice and sweet i couldnt hold it back.but it was a little tiny half second peck on the lips plus 2 kisses on the cheek.so i now call it a practice kiss not a real kiss when i kiss someone longer than 2 seconds i will call it my first kiss.
Posted by Maya | May 17, 2008 10:20 PM
OMG!!!....im so glad i read this...my bf wants to make out with me and i said yes and we r having a "date" this friday and im thinking about backing off a little bit because we've been going out for a week and it just doesnt sound right...he said that he had been wanting to kiss me since we started being close friends but idk...i need some help here!
Posted by Arlen | June 15, 2008 12:10 AM
I'm homeschooled so I probably wouldn't get my first kiss until marraige if I tried. Although I do want to wait til either engagement or marraige.
Posted by Naomi | June 19, 2008 5:01 PM
Ive been dating my boyfriend for eight months. We had known eachother for a very long time. We have agreed not to kiss for now because we both know its going to be a few years before we get married. We arent holding out because we doubt we will marry eachother. We are holding out because we want to make sure tha we dont cross the line before we get married. So far it works great. We have become best friends and have allot of respect for eachother. If you can wait then do it!
Posted by Musicgirl | January 21, 2009 5:06 PM
Value your kisses! After I finally surrendered finding the perfect guy to God and made the decision to wait on him and his timing, God brought the an amazing christian guy into my life completely out of the blue. We both prayed and God spoke to us and told us to wiat 6 months before our first kiss. Sure there have been moments where we both wished we could but we are glad we have waited because we have spent our time getting to know one another instead of getting intimate. In two weeks time we will share our first kiss (it is also my first kiss!) and I am so excited. I encourage you to wait until you are old enough to be in a reltionship that will go somewhere and to wait on God for his timing, for the boy he has intended, for he promises that those who listen to him will be fully rewarded.
Posted by em | January 25, 2009 4:48 AM
might i also mention that we didn't start dating until I was 17!
Posted by em | January 25, 2009 4:52 AM
This was soo good to read! I'm only 14, and have yet to kiss a guy, and a few monthes ago i wouldn't have cared, but now, I get more and more questions like, "What was your first kiss like?" or "How far have you gone with a guy?" and its SO embarressing to say, "I've never kissed anyone...." And as much as I'm tempted to kiss a few guys (I HAVE had the oppertunity) I hold back a bit, to know the guy better. I'm glad, because everytime I've said no, the relationship didn't last. I've been blessed. Love to all!
Posted by Reese | July 12, 2009 2:22 PM
so i had my 1st kiss in jun, and i didnt start it, he did, but i was totally ok w/ it when it hapnd. now i KNOW that it was a mistake. after we kissed we went way 2 far - not all the way, but if we had d8ed 4 a few more mos we might hv. & this is coming frm a grl who was raised in a really strong christian home and was homeschooled until this school yr!! (now im 13 & a freshman in high school!!) i met him @ a christian camp and he goes 2 my church... not good!! we broke up in aug and now were just good friends. but my point is, don't kiss any1 until u know ur ready!! im not going 2 kiss until @ least college. i think it would b kool 2 have my 2nd kiss @ my wedding, but i don't think its realistic b/c im a very physical person...but anyway, 'sweet 16 and never been kissed' is totally a great idea...even older is better. plz don't kiss any1 until like college, or l8r, all of u who read this!!!!! like seriously...:) its a really good idea 2 w8 a long time, i cn tell u frm xperienc!!!!!
& i prob just gave u WAY more info than u ever wnted 2 know, but so what...:-D
Posted by elizaclaire | November 16, 2009 7:48 PM
I really want to save my first kiss for my wedding day. When we exchange our first kiss I also want to exchange purity rings. I am thirteen and at my age I see dating as pointless. Even if I marry him, which is highly unlikely, I have as much chance by being his friend first. It should also save me a lot of heart break. I know a lot of girls who have made friendships awkward by dating. Girls, I would highly recomend waiting until you have a good chance of ACTUALLY marrying the person!
P.S.- This goes back to date for MARRAGE!!!
Posted by Maddie | January 1, 2010 10:54 PM
I have been reading this with my daughters, and have been thrilled to hear of all the girls who are waiting!!! This is an encouragement to my girls!! Thank you for sharing!
Kelly aka mom
I echo what my mom wrote! It's very encouraging to read and hear this. I'm 18 and still waiting for that special day (wedding) when I can get that special kiss.
Kayleigh-18
I am very excited to see that I am not the only teenager out there who hasn't been kissed and doesn't plan on being kissed 'til marriage. Thank you to everyone who has shared I appreciate it alot. :) Keep staying true to yourself. That is one of the greatest gift you can give your future husband. :D
Mimi-(15)
Posted by Griffin Girls | January 5, 2010 10:37 PM
I don't know what it's like to kiss someone or... make out with them. So I will wait.
Sincerly,
Alexis
Posted by Alexis | January 15, 2010 5:26 PM
Ive never kissed anyone and I dont want to!! Everyone looks at me like im crazy when I say ive never kissed anyone! But to all the girls out there that are embaressed, DONT BE! We are our own people and dont EVER have to follow the crowd ive leared that the hard way! Im going to save my first kiss for my husband and I have a VERY long way to go! Im homeskoled so I geuss its easy?!? Im just afraid that wen i get to high skol that there will be more presure cuz i wont be homeskoled then!
<3-Carmen OU ROCKS!!!
Posted by Carmen | February 4, 2010 10:17 AM