Hold Out or Make Out?

On a recent afternoon while driving my youngest son Hayden (sixth grade), home from school, he caught me off guard with this question, “Mom, how old were you when you had your first kiss?” I hesitated to tell him, given the fact it was at his same age.

His question brought the memory back in an instant. I was with a group of friends at the movies and sitting next to Bobby Mallow, sixth-grade popular boy, and rumor had it, a kissing bandit. He had recently asked me to “go steady,” which is the same thing as “going out” today. I was busy chatting with my friend on the other side of me when the lights in the theater dimmed. I was focused on the previews when all of a sudden, Bobby reached over and grabbed my hand. As the movie wore on, I noticed Bobby beginning to lean into me more and more, finally to where the sides of our heads were almost touching. Just as I was beginning to wonder what his motives were in leaning in so close, he let go of my hand and quickly put his arm around me. That was a new feeling. Before I had time to analyze this move, he turned toward me and with his other hand reached over and gently touched the back of my head, making it nearly impossible to escape the kiss that followed. As if I wanted to, anyway. What happened next was a tingle down-to-your-toes, can’t-catch-your-breath, movie-star kiss. Fortunately, we both thought movie stars kissed with their mouths closed so it stayed rather innocent.

When it was over, I was certain that my heart was beating loud enough for everyone in that theater to hear. I felt as if I was floating on air in some sort of half-awake, half-asleep state of mind. We broke up before a next kiss, and some time passed before I kissed another boy. In the meantime, I stored that kiss in the back of my mind and would replay it from time to time. It has been thirty years since that kiss, and I can still remember it in detail as if it were yesterday.

As I was reflecting back on my first kiss, I heard Hayden calling me back to reality. “Mom, Mom, did you hear me? When was your first kiss?” I snapped out of my trancelike journey to the past and replied to Hayden, “Why are you asking? You are far too young to worry about such silly things!” Wow, that should sway him from taking my same path, huh?

I happened to know that he liked a girl who, rumor had it, liked him in return. I also happened to know that they were both invited to a bonfire party that weekend. And with that thought, my mind raced back to a few bonfires I had attended . . . and hayrides . . . and school dances. Yikes. I had no choice but to head this off at the pass.

“Hayden, I know you probably don’t know this, but kissing before marriage is outlawed in all fifty states. If you get caught, you could do serious jail time.” Not buying it, he replied, “Ah, Mom. I just wanted to know how old you were—that’s all.”

Then it occurred to me what a blessing it was that he would even consider discussing the topic of a first kiss with me. And at that point I decided to take a risk, and I told him the truth.

“Hayden, do you really want to know how old I was when I had my first kiss?” He nodded his head and I proceeded to tell him. I told him how it made me feel, and I confessed that my heart would still race days and even weeks later at the mere thought of that kiss.

As much as I didn’t want to tell him, I leveled with him and told him it was perfectly normal for a kid his age to be curious about kissing and maybe even want to kiss. I also told him that I was far too young for that kiss and the emotions that followed. I told him that the earlier you kiss, the more you dwell on the next kiss, and the next, and the next. After awhile, kissing becomes less and less special, and eventually you look for other ways to get that same thrill—things that should be saved for marriage. He seemed to be listening, and hopefully he will learn from his mother’s mistake.

A kiss is special, and chances are, you will never forget your first kiss. If you haven’t had your first kiss and feel like you are the only one left among your friends, keep in mind that only a little over half of thirteen to sixteen year olds have kissed someone romantically. That means that almost half have not, so you are not alone.1 Whether you have kissed or not, it’s important to remember that a kiss is not something to be given away casually. Girls who are willing to make out just for the sake of making out are often branded as “easy.” Do you want to be thought of that way? Kisses should be guarded, treasured, and shared sparingly. They are too precious to be shared in the backseat of a car, in a dark theater, or at the spin of a bottle.

Years from now, when you meet your future husband, do you really want to tell him that you lost count on how many guys you kissed over the years? Ick. Believe it or not, I actually know of a few couples that saved their first kiss for their wedding day. While it is rare to make it that long, the longer you can wait to kiss and the fewer kisses you give out over time, chances are, the more special it will be when you kiss your future husband. Remember in Princess Diaries when Mia imagined that her first kiss would make her foot pop? When the boy she liked kissed her, it wasn’t at all what she had hoped for. She discovered that there is much more to a sincere kiss than two people being “in like.” By the end of the movie, she finally got her wish of a foot-popping kiss, and it was with someone she had gotten to know first as a friend. Now stop and ask yourself this question: Do you think we would have liked her character as much had she been the type to give kisses out like candy to any guy that looks her way? No way! What made her character endearing was her obvious innocence and self-respect.

A kiss is intimate and personal. Kissing is not a sport. While other girls are making out with countless guys, choose to hold out for that special foot-popping kiss. Your future husband will be glad you did. The fewer guys he has to measure himself against, the better. Guard your kisses, and above all, guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).

Written by: Vicki Courtney, founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and best-selling author of "Your Girl," "Your Boy," and the entire "TeenVirtue" and "Between" series.

Article taken from TeenVirtue2: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Relationships. Used with permission from Broadman and Holman Publishing.