Emotional Maturity
A man who loves others well is a man who understands the Biblical premise of esteeming another person more important than oneself (Phil. 2:3). A man who assumes that the whole world revolves around him is a man who will love miserably and will probably be the poster child for the local tribe of BOZO GUYS!!!
I know that living in a self-enthralled, navel gazing haze is not limited to the male gender. It just seems that the twenty-first century has increased the number of men who think such behavior is normal. The Me Generation has not left very much room for a Man Worth Waiting For (MWWF) to even rent space here on earth. Our planet seems to be over-populated with BOZO guys running in packs and encouraging the next generation to follow in their self-enthralled footsteps.
As we begin to look at the emotional lives of a Boaz (reference to the story of Ruth) and Bozo, I want to mention three deal breakers in male-female relationships. These qualities, if disregarded, will set a man and woman on an inevitable collision course with reality – and they may never recover from it. Women can side step a lifetime of unhappiness by merely being aware of these deal breakers and evaluating their boyfriends honestly. Incidentally, I got these ideas from a modern Boaz!
- A MWWF has a growing relationship with Jesus and isn’t just good at the Christian verbal dance
- A MWWF doesn’t abuse substances or people
- A MWWF has personality quirks, but they’re ones you can live with for a lifetime
Because so many women disregard these three basic requirements, counseling practices are full and ministries have developed to work specifically with women who are suffering in fatally flawed relationships. A good friend of mine started a ministry called WAR (Women at Rest), which is for women who are spiritually mismatched. She teaches them how to face the daily battles that a spiritually unbalanced couple faces. When a woman ignores the deal breakers, she can count on frequent conflict, if not war, with her partner.
An Emotional Yardstick
We are going to look at different characteristics of emotional health, comparing the emotional instability of the Bozo and the growing emotional maturity of the Man Worth Waiting For. We’ll consider the negative Bozo quality first, followed by the contrasting positive quality of a Boaz.
Qualities of a Bozo
- is controlled by his emotions
- believes he is entitled
- doesn’t notice others’ needs
- is quick to criticize others
- has a high opinion of himself
- lacks integrity
Qualities of a Boaz
- is patient and self controlled [Proverbs 16:32; James 1:19; Matthew 12:34]
- can raise above disappointment and frustration [Isaiah 26:3]
- focuses on others [Phil. 2:3-4; Matthew 20:28]
- is tolerant of flaws (not criticizing or judging others)
- has a humble, open heart and mind [Micah 6:8]
- is a classic example of integrity
To a man of integrity, noble character in a woman makes her ‘simply irresistible.’
You tell us! Post your comments on the following question and be entered to win your very own copy of Jackie Kendall’s ‘A Man Worth Waiting For’! Deadline to enter is May 19, 2008. Two winners will be notified and announced in our June issue of’ In the Know’.
When considering the premier signs of emotional maturity, which one is the most significant to you?
About the Author
Jackie Kendall, president of Power to Grow Ministries, is a nationally sought after speaker to all ages. She has authored Lady in Waiting, The Mentoring Mom and a devotional, Say Goodbye to Shame. In addition, Jackie is currently booked with LifeWay’s You and Your Girl conferences with Vicki Courtney. Check out Jackie Online!
*Excerp used with permission by Jackie Kendall, from A Man Worth Waiting For. Copyright 2008, FaithWords Publishing.
Comments (9)
Looks like an interesting book! I'm excited!
Posted by Roey | May 4, 2008 10:59 PM
When I look for emotional maturity, I look for someone who has a humble heart and an open mind. To me, that is most important because that means when he (or she) makes mistakes, they will be able to hear from God about it and repent. I don't look for perfection, I look for an ability to hear from God and admit mistakes.
Posted by Kim | May 5, 2008 5:39 PM
Wow! Loved the article...never thaught of the qualities between the two. It gives me a better idea of what to look for when it comes to dating and marriage. Thanks!
Posted by Randylyn | May 5, 2008 6:40 PM
Although all of these qualities are extremely important to me, one that stands out is 'tolerant of flaws'. I often find myself picking on my own flaws (something I am asking God for help with), I do not need someone else to do it too. I want a man that will build me up not tear me down.
I am also very excited about this book. I have Lady in Waiting, and I love it!
Posted by Emily | May 5, 2008 8:40 PM
this book seems to have some really good ideas about stable, healthy relationships in it. it looks great!!
Posted by Naomi | May 6, 2008 12:28 AM
Personal integrity and self affirmation are both important to me. For with both is character formed. Too often as young women we believe that physical and spiritual maturity is sufficient for the cultivation of relationships. Be we do not seek to develop our emotional maturity. I look forward to this book with great anticipation!
Posted by Terri | May 6, 2008 9:02 AM
In the world today many girls are just getting with guys because they are guys and because they are there and sadly just because those guys actually want them. In the society we live in girls are giving up their virginity and if not that than their dignity to BOZO's as Jackie Kendall puts it. But I want to be different and I want my future husband to be different as well. I want him to love God as much as I do and I want him to be honorable. I want him to be a Boaz not a Bozo like most of the guys we see today. What we as girls need to realize is that there is a Boaz out there for us but if we go around giving everything we've got to Bozo's we may never find him...or have anything left just for him once we do. And not only this but we also need to see that we are wanted and loved. We need to have the realization that God created some great godly guy for us. A guy who will have integrity and will love us just for us. We were created just for our own special Boaz and vise versa. So we can stop hating ourselves and feeling as if we would be lucky to have a guy look twice at us.
Love yourself!
Love God!
And in time come to love your future Boaz!
Posted by Kylie | May 6, 2008 5:55 PM
What is really important to me is for a guy to be tolerant of flaws and for him to be accepting of me exactly the way I am, the way I was created by God. This is because I am so very un-accepting of myself. While I continue to struggle with an eating disorder and Body Dismorphic Disorder, the last thing I need is for my boyfriend to tell me everything that is wrong with me and everything I should change. Because sadly I say, I know that the moment he told me I would immediately begin to try and fix whatever it was he didn't like about me. Being a perfectionist I already try too hard and sacrifice too much to do anything more for some boy I won't remember ten to fifteen years from now. Something which is very hard for me to realize but something I know I must, is that my right Boaz will love me not for what I do or look like but for who I am. Sadly for me to realize this takes more than writing a few words about why I need to. No, it will take God showing me. I know I must learn to accept myself before I will ever know what to look for in a guy. Which with my self-esteem is quite hard to do, for when someone does want to go out with me I think that I must go out with him no matter how big a BOZO he is. I assume he is the only person who will ever want me. This is something I must change.
Posted by Rory | May 7, 2008 6:55 PM
I really enjoyed reading this article because it's so true. I mean, a girl just has to look around at school and she'll see all the bozos! There aren't many Boazs. The one quality that stood out to me was the "tolerant to flaws". I'm not as tolerant as I should be, and I pray and strive to become more like that. I think it's important for my future husband to know I'm going to have flaws and for him to be able to accept them.
Posted by Emily | May 10, 2008 1:45 PM